When can you call yourself a single mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So am I a single mother because my spouse travels 50% of the time for a large chunk of the year? No.

If people ask I say my spouse is traveling for work. This person can easily say “it’s my week for custody.”

No. Married people aren’t single. Easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it.

Analyze why this matters to you.

I was pretty clear, she gets more free time in a week then I get in two months yet she’s adopted the persona of a beleaguered single mom doing it all on her own. I’ve noticed others do it as well.
I was raised by a single mom, my father removed himself to the other side of the country, I watched her work two jobs and completely forgo a social life to keep a roof over our heads, my mother was a single mother. My friend is a part-timer at best but likes to play the part. that’s what bothers me.

Her having more free time to you has no bearing on whether or not she is a single mom or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it.

Analyze why this matters to you.

I was pretty clear, she gets more free time in a week then I get in two months yet she’s adopted the persona of a beleaguered single mom doing it all on her own. I’ve noticed others do it as well.
I was raised by a single mom, my father removed himself to the other side of the country, I watched her work two jobs and completely forgo a social life to keep a roof over our heads, my mother was a single mother. My friend is a part-timer at best but likes to play the part. that’s what bothers me.

Stop projecting your dissatisfaction with your own life onto your "friend". It isn't your place to say whether or not your single mom friend "qualifies" for support or understanding.

It is absolutely your responsibility to check into why you feel content to criticize her content, take her inventory, and dictate how she can/can't identify, based on your own metrics and level of burnout.

This is 100% a you problem, OP. Mind your own business and work on your own life quality.

Best answer in the thread, so far. Mind the business that pays you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So am I a single mother because my spouse travels 50% of the time for a large chunk of the year? No.

If people ask I say my spouse is traveling for work. This person can easily say “it’s my week for custody.”

No. Married people aren’t single. Easy!

“Single mother” doesn’t mean mother who is not committed to a romantic partner (i.e. it’s not a reference to your romantic relationship status)

“Single mother (parent)” means you are the only parent bringing up your children. If there is another parent involved you might be single, and you might be a mother, but you are NOT a single mother. This is obvious.

Do you call your widowed grandmothers single mothers? It makes as much sense as calling a woman who shares custody with her ex a single mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it.

Analyze why this matters to you.

I was pretty clear, she gets more free time in a week then I get in two months yet she’s adopted the persona of a beleaguered single mom doing it all on her own. I’ve noticed others do it as well.
I was raised by a single mom, my father removed himself to the other side of the country, I watched her work two jobs and completely forgo a social life to keep a roof over our heads, my mother was a single mother. My friend is a part-timer at best but likes to play the part. that’s what bothers me.

So because your mom suffered and lived in abject misery you think all single moms should? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So am I a single mother because my spouse travels 50% of the time for a large chunk of the year? No.

If people ask I say my spouse is traveling for work. This person can easily say “it’s my week for custody.”

No. Married people aren’t single. Easy!

“Single mother” doesn’t mean mother who is not committed to a romantic partner (i.e. it’s not a reference to your romantic relationship status)

“Single mother (parent)” means you are the only parent bringing up your children. If there is another parent involved you might be single, and you might be a mother, but you are NOT a single mother. This is obvious.

Do you call your widowed grandmothers single mothers? It makes as much sense as calling a woman who shares custody with her ex a single mother.

Agreed. When people say they were “raised by a single mother” they aren’t typically saying that their parents were divorced and both parents contributed time and money to their upbringing. They are saying their mother was the only parent in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it.

Analyze why this matters to you.

I was pretty clear, she gets more free time in a week then I get in two months yet she’s adopted the persona of a beleaguered single mom doing it all on her own. I’ve noticed others do it as well.
I was raised by a single mom, my father removed himself to the other side of the country, I watched her work two jobs and completely forgo a social life to keep a roof over our heads, my mother was a single mother. My friend is a part-timer at best but likes to play the part. that’s what bothers me.

Stop projecting your dissatisfaction with your own life onto your "friend". It isn't your place to say whether or not your single mom friend "qualifies" for support or understanding.

It is absolutely your responsibility to check into why you feel content to criticize her content, take her inventory, and dictate how she can/can't identify, based on your own metrics and level of burnout.

This is 100% a you problem, OP. Mind your own business and work on your own life quality.

Best answer in the thread, so far. Mind the business that pays you OP.

Disagree. I think OP has a legitimate criticism.

Why? Because essentially her friend is lying. Publicly lying to get attention.

It is also publicly disrespectful to the other parent. Going on social media and publicly saying you are a single parent completely ignores the important role the other parent is playing in these kid(s) lives. It not only affects the other parent negatively, but it affects the kids too. It is a form of parental alienation.

Imagine you were this kid who spends half the time with his father. His mother is blasting out to the world that she is a "single parent" and getting lots of sympathy and tut-tuts. Don't you think that is bad for this kid's psyche?

Single parent means you are parenting alone, without physical or financial assistance from the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Single = not married.
Parent = has children

This is simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who often talks about how hard it is to be a single mom, her Instagram and Facebook posts talk about the work involved in raising a child on her own.
However, she has her child no more than three or four days a week, she has 50-50 custody with her ex who is very involved in the child’s life and often has him four or five days a week due to sports logistics etc.
She is single, she is a mom, but she has more free time in a week then I get in two months.

Just a rant.

A single mother/father is 100% responsible for her/his child's financial and logistical needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So am I a single mother because my spouse travels 50% of the time for a large chunk of the year? No.

If people ask I say my spouse is traveling for work. This person can easily say “it’s my week for custody.”

No. Married people aren’t single. Easy!

“Single mother” doesn’t mean mother who is not committed to a romantic partner (i.e. it’s not a reference to your romantic relationship status)

“Single mother (parent)” means you are the only parent bringing up your children. If there is another parent involved you might be single, and you might be a mother, but you are NOT a single mother. This is obvious.

Do you call your widowed grandmothers single mothers? It makes as much sense as calling a woman who shares custody with her ex a single mother.

Agreed. When people say they were “raised by a single mother” they aren’t typically saying that their parents were divorced and both parents contributed time and money to their upbringing. They are saying their mother was the only parent in the picture.

I know a lot of people who use the term this way. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

Just like in the marriages described by the envious here, two divorced parents that are present in a child's life is not the same as both parents taking care of the emotional, schooling, financial, etc needs of the child EQUALLY. I know a mom whose ex has the kid according to a 50-50 custody schedule, but the ex doesn't contribute financially, hardly feeds the kid, doesn't wash the kid's clothes at his apartment, makes the kid sleep in the living room (since there is only one bedroom), etc. etc. She has to do all of the invisible labor of planning and so forth, signing the kid up for things at school, doctor's appointments, and so forth. Plus she has to constantly remind the ex of when he has to pick up the kid, because sometimes he just....forgets.

So I guess it's great that she's got a couple evenings off a week? Definitely a situation to envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So am I a single mother because my spouse travels 50% of the time for a large chunk of the year? No.

If people ask I say my spouse is traveling for work. This person can easily say “it’s my week for custody.”

No. Married people aren’t single. Easy!

“Single mother” doesn’t mean mother who is not committed to a romantic partner (i.e. it’s not a reference to your romantic relationship status)

“Single mother (parent)” means you are the only parent bringing up your children. If there is another parent involved you might be single, and you might be a mother, but you are NOT a single mother. This is obvious.

Do you call your widowed grandmothers single mothers? It makes as much sense as calling a woman who shares custody with her ex a single mother.

Agreed. When people say they were “raised by a single mother” they aren’t typically saying that their parents were divorced and both parents contributed time and money to their upbringing. They are saying their mother was the only parent in the picture.

I know a lot of people who use the term this way. But you do you.

You know a lot of people who are using the term incorrectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just like in the marriages described by the envious here, two divorced parents that are present in a child's life is not the same as both parents taking care of the emotional, schooling, financial, etc needs of the child EQUALLY. I know a mom whose ex has the kid according to a 50-50 custody schedule, but the ex doesn't contribute financially, hardly feeds the kid, doesn't wash the kid's clothes at his apartment, makes the kid sleep in the living room (since there is only one bedroom), etc. etc. She has to do all of the invisible labor of planning and so forth, signing the kid up for things at school, doctor's appointments, and so forth. Plus she has to constantly remind the ex of when he has to pick up the kid, because sometimes he just....forgets.

So I guess it's great that she's got a couple evenings off a week? Definitely a situation to envy.

One can acknowledge that her situation sounds crappy while also acknowledging that she isn’t actually a single mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just like in the marriages described by the envious here, two divorced parents that are present in a child's life is not the same as both parents taking care of the emotional, schooling, financial, etc needs of the child EQUALLY. I know a mom whose ex has the kid according to a 50-50 custody schedule, but the ex doesn't contribute financially, hardly feeds the kid, doesn't wash the kid's clothes at his apartment, makes the kid sleep in the living room (since there is only one bedroom), etc. etc. She has to do all of the invisible labor of planning and so forth, signing the kid up for things at school, doctor's appointments, and so forth. Plus she has to constantly remind the ex of when he has to pick up the kid, because sometimes he just....forgets.

So I guess it's great that she's got a couple evenings off a week? Definitely a situation to envy.

One can acknowledge that her situation sounds crappy while also acknowledging that she isn’t actually a single mother.

But she is single and a mother, and therefore a single mother. OP's issue is purely that she wants something that her 'friend' has, and is taking issue with the 'friend's' use of the term 'single mother' because she is envious.

[Anonymous]

You sound jealous, OP.

When she has the kid, she is parenting them alone the entire time. Ergo, she is a single mom.

Get over yourself.

Or, actually, tell your friend how you feel so she can distance herself from you.