I worry about my son a lot more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another successful project 25 thread

Christian nationalists don't have to do anything, "feminists" are doing enough to denigrate women all on their own.

[Anonymous]

Everyone on this thread is wrong. OP's feelings are reflective of these facts, from a CDC study:

"Among women and men aged 40–49 in 2015–2019, 84.3% of women
had given birth and 76.5% of men had fathered a child. On average, women aged
15–49 had 1.3 biological children and men aged 15–49 had fathered 0.9 children."

Daughters are more likely to procreate than sons. There's no word for it, so I'll make one up. Genetic existential anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

Very well said. +100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

The world is made for white males.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the posters who are offended that the OP said her daughter as being a future SAHM as an option. Almost every other post on dcum is “DH is rich but we decided it’s best for our family to stay home.” That is the ideal so many women on here talk about, so why the issue with saying this life is an option for a girls future?

Offended? No. It just shows where OP sees her kids. Her son? Carries her dreams and expectations. Her daughter? Eh who cares she can just pick up after some guy.

Look I'm a working mom but to say being a SAHM is "picking up after some guy" is pretty stupid and...sexist. Value women's work and contributions no matter what sphere it's in.

It's just interesting that she couldn't possibly imagine a future where the son became a stay-at-home father though.

Because it’s really hard. A friend of ours did it and begged to never again. The people who were by meanest to him were all women. They didn’t let him into their mom groups (which I understand, because a lot of conversation involved things about their bodies or lactation). When his daughter was a toddler women would stop him on the street and ask her if he was kidnapping her. I would be supportive of a son who wanted to be at stay-at-home dad, but I would want him to go into it with his eyes wide open. In a way, this shows yet one more way that it’s harder to be male.

I keep hearing stories about people saying this is why men can't be parents in public and yet never encountered that scenario ever. Also, who just asks a kidnapper if they're committing a federal crime?? You honestly think the kidnapper is going to stop and say "yes. I'm kidnapping this kid?!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the posters who are offended that the OP said her daughter as being a future SAHM as an option. Almost every other post on dcum is “DH is rich but we decided it’s best for our family to stay home.” That is the ideal so many women on here talk about, so why the issue with saying this life is an option for a girls future?

Offended? No. It just shows where OP sees her kids. Her son? Carries her dreams and expectations. Her daughter? Eh who cares she can just pick up after some guy.

Look I'm a working mom but to say being a SAHM is "picking up after some guy" is pretty stupid and...sexist. Value women's work and contributions no matter what sphere it's in.

It's just interesting that she couldn't possibly imagine a future where the son became a stay-at-home father though.

Don’t know the science of it.

But I do have a good friend who became a stay-at-home dad when twins were 2 years old; his wife lost respect for him. And she eventually cheated on him. They divorced.

Functioning marriages where the dad stays home are extremely rare.

So basically one data point proves the rule for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

Yes, completely.

DD is my oldest; I signed her up for many supportive, affirming groups like Girls on the Run (then Heart and Sole), Coding for Girls, the Girl Scouts. Each group has its own empowering messages to encourage and motivate her through our male-dominated culture. She’s responded by working hard, excelling, and has such a bright future!

DS I enrolled in Cubs, then Boy Scouts (now renamed again Scouting USA) and it’s now co-ed; the subtle message to the boys has been “you were wrong to exclude girls; you should be ashamed). There was no boys on the run. All his classes are co-ed; all the history lessons in school are all about colonialism and oppression (and the subtle message is always: the oppressors are cisgender white males).

As an 8th grader, the books he’s assigned are all things like George Takei’s They Called us Enemy or, Things Fall Apart (same messages about oppressors: males. Whites).

We listen to NPR in the car and read the Post at home: same messages and none of it is good when it comes to males, who are the ones who created and perpetuate patriarchal culture.

It’s no wonder he and most other teen boys around here feel depressed. Look at the messages we are sending?

Umm because colonialism and oppression has historically always been carried out by cis gender white men…are we supposed to change historical facts to make your little boy comfortable? Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

The world is made for white males.

Yes even in this very moment, the world is very much made for white males and just because now they are being called out on their incompetence and white privilege, they are throwing a hissy fit and seems like their parents are throwing one too. Please take a seat and let others also take charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

The world is made for white males.

Yes even in this very moment, the world is very much made for white males and just because now they are being called out on their incompetence and white privilege, they are throwing a hissy fit and seems like their parents are throwing one too. Please take a seat and let others also take charge.

Just out of curiosity, who or what exactly do you think made the world for white males?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

The world is made for white males.

Yes even in this very moment, the world is very much made for white males and just because now they are being called out on their incompetence and white privilege, they are throwing a hissy fit and seems like their parents are throwing one too. Please take a seat and let others also take charge.

Just out of curiosity, who or what exactly do you think made the world for white males?

Are you seriously asking me this question? The white males made this world for white males by perpetuating colonialism, oppression, racism and misogynistic behavior. No that doesn’t mean every white male is responsible and must suffer consequences but let’s at least acknowledge the basic fact that this world even today is a white man’s world and to say otherwise is downright foolish and ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the posters who are offended that the OP said her daughter as being a future SAHM as an option. Almost every other post on dcum is “DH is rich but we decided it’s best for our family to stay home.” That is the ideal so many women on here talk about, so why the issue with saying this life is an option for a girls future?

Offended? No. It just shows where OP sees her kids. Her son? Carries her dreams and expectations. Her daughter? Eh who cares she can just pick up after some guy.

Look I'm a working mom but to say being a SAHM is "picking up after some guy" is pretty stupid and...sexist. Value women's work and contributions no matter what sphere it's in.

OP obviously doesn’t. If she did she’d be equally worried about making sure her daughter was independently financially prepared if she wanted to be a SAHM (which is what my parents did for us so we DID have choices). But her lack of worry for her daughter is because…some guy…will take care of all that.

Having a trust fund from your parents is not morally superior to being dependent on a spouse's income.

Either way, you are relying on someone else's labor and goodwill. Nothing like making your own damn money.

Where do you read trust fund?

If you want your daughter to have a real choice to be a SAHM you prepare her for the kind of career where she makes enough money before kids to be independent. Then her spouse can be unemployed, she can lose her spouse, or any other foreseeable disaster and her choice doesn’t disappear. Just assuming some guy is going to materialize to pay her bills is overvaluing men and undervaluing your own daughter.

Yeah family money helps but it’s not the only option.

The way that post was written made me think she was referring to a trust fund.

If it's about making your own money before having kids, then that is a different story.

It just rubbed me the wrong way to think that someone was crapping on a SAHM when she herself was set up financially by someone else.

It was my post and I’m who you’re responding to. I have no problem with the choice to stay home. I have a problem with a parent washing her hands of concern for her child because some hypothetical man in a hypothetical future will make sure she’s taken care of— divorce, death, abuse obviously being for other people.

I believe a **choice** to be a SAHM starts with financial independence before kids and ideally before marriage.

Why do you insist upon deliberately misinterpreting what OP said in her initial post and then arguing over it for pages and pages?

OP was merely saying that she thinks her daughter has the *option* to SAHM whereas she thinks her son does not. Almost like an extra insurance policy for her daughter that her son doesn’t have equal access to. She did not say that she’s gonna trade her daughter for goats and coffee as soon as she hits puberty and wash her hands of her.

(And newsflash: the vast majority of people NEVER achieve financial independence. You just have ridiculous double standards for this *one choice* some people make because you let yourself be bothered by even though it’s absolutely none of your concern.)

She specifically says she doesn’t worry for her daughter as much as her son, because her daughter will “always have the option of an easier job or staying at home”. No, her daughter will not always have that option UNLESS her parents set her up for that option by— yes— encouraging her achievements (or providing her a trust fund.)

Worrying less so you can pass the buck onto a hypothetical man is gross, I’m sorry that bothers you.

Agreed. Some of these people sound so out of touch. Why shouldn't we pushing girls to be smart and capable instead of focusing on beauty and finding a man?? Why is she ok with DD settling for an easy job instead of reaching potential? DD is going to get totally left behind and feel resentful seeing mom dote all over her precious baby boy, while she gets scraps of attention and a very low bar for her life.

Another misogynist who earnestly believes she’s a feminist. You assume housewives and SAHMs are NOT “smart and capable” because… they don’t make an income? Do you honestly think raising kids is an easy job? If you do, I guarantee you’re half-assing it, probably so you can focus more of your time and mental energy on a “real” job (one that comes with bragging rights for your college reunion).

And I say this as a WOHM.

Both my maternal grandmother and mother were stay-at-home moms and they both really impressed upon me the importance of education and building a career. Both of them worked to support their family at some point in their life. My mom was the breadwinner when my dad was in medical school and my grandmother supported her family as a bookkeeper after her husband died unexpectedly in his forties. If my daughter is going to become a stay-at-home mom that's great. I just want to know that she also has other options if she needs to use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the posters who are offended that the OP said her daughter as being a future SAHM as an option. Almost every other post on dcum is “DH is rich but we decided it’s best for our family to stay home.” That is the ideal so many women on here talk about, so why the issue with saying this life is an option for a girls future?

Offended? No. It just shows where OP sees her kids. Her son? Carries her dreams and expectations. Her daughter? Eh who cares she can just pick up after some guy.

Look I'm a working mom but to say being a SAHM is "picking up after some guy" is pretty stupid and...sexist. Value women's work and contributions no matter what sphere it's in.

It's just interesting that she couldn't possibly imagine a future where the son became a stay-at-home father though.

Because it’s really hard. A friend of ours did it and begged to never again. The people who were by meanest to him were all women. They didn’t let him into their mom groups (which I understand, because a lot of conversation involved things about their bodies or lactation). When his daughter was a toddler women would stop him on the street and ask her if he was kidnapping her. I would be supportive of a son who wanted to be at stay-at-home dad, but I would want him to go into it with his eyes wide open. In a way, this shows yet one more way that it’s harder to be male.

I keep hearing stories about people saying this is why men can't be parents in public and yet never encountered that scenario ever. Also, who just asks a kidnapper if they're committing a federal crime?? You honestly think the kidnapper is going to stop and say "yes. I'm kidnapping this kid?!"

Which is the exact kind of response my friend would say to these crazy people. I’ve also had a toddler throw a tantrum and had someone ask my toddler if my child is being mistreated. I assume if it’s a big man holding a tear-streaked girl who’s screaming, it happens more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

The world is made for white males.

Yes even in this very moment, the world is very much made for white males and just because now they are being called out on their incompetence and white privilege, they are throwing a hissy fit and seems like their parents are throwing one too. Please take a seat and let others also take charge.

Just out of curiosity, who or what exactly do you think made the world for white males?

Are you seriously asking me this question? The white males made this world for white males by perpetuating colonialism, oppression, racism and misogynistic behavior. No that doesn’t mean every white male is responsible and must suffer consequences but let’s at least acknowledge the basic fact that this world even today is a white man’s world and to say otherwise is downright foolish and ignorant.

So your official position is that white males “made the world” as it exists today, which is apparently good enough that you are desperate to not only be a part of but to be in charge of, therefore these same white males must “take a seat and let others take charge”…

Have you ever considered making your own sh!t rather than just demanding to take over and control what others (your contention) have made?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

The world is made for white males.

Yes even in this very moment, the world is very much made for white males and just because now they are being called out on their incompetence and white privilege, they are throwing a hissy fit and seems like their parents are throwing one too. Please take a seat and let others also take charge.

Just out of curiosity, who or what exactly do you think made the world for white males?

Are you seriously asking me this question? The white males made this world for white males by perpetuating colonialism, oppression, racism and misogynistic behavior. No that doesn’t mean every white male is responsible and must suffer consequences but let’s at least acknowledge the basic fact that this world even today is a white man’s world and to say otherwise is downright foolish and ignorant.

So your official position is that white males “made the world” as it exists today, which is apparently good enough that you are desperate to not only be a part of but to be in charge of, therefore these same white males must “take a seat and let others take charge”…

Have you ever considered making your own sh!t rather than just demanding to take over and control what others (your contention) have made?

DP. No they didn't make the world, they made the power structures that ruled the world (made by every living person) and were designed to give only white men all the credit, power, and prestige for the unpaid labor of others. I bet you think that white men built the US economy, not the African people they kidnapped and enslaved so they could sit on their asses and tell their sons not to let anyone "steal" credit for their ingenuity. Logic is so hard for some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

Yes, completely.

DD is my oldest; I signed her up for many supportive, affirming groups like Girls on the Run (then Heart and Sole), Coding for Girls, the Girl Scouts. Each group has its own empowering messages to encourage and motivate her through our male-dominated culture. She’s responded by working hard, excelling, and has such a bright future!

DS I enrolled in Cubs, then Boy Scouts (now renamed again Scouting USA) and it’s now co-ed; the subtle message to the boys has been “you were wrong to exclude girls; you should be ashamed). There was no boys on the run. All his classes are co-ed; all the history lessons in school are all about colonialism and oppression (and the subtle message is always: the oppressors are cisgender white males).

As an 8th grader, the books he’s assigned are all things like George Takei’s They Called us Enemy or, Things Fall Apart (same messages about oppressors: males. Whites).

We listen to NPR in the car and read the Post at home: same messages and none of it is good when it comes to males, who are the ones who created and perpetuate patriarchal culture.

It’s no wonder he and most other teen boys around here feel depressed. Look at the messages we are sending?

Umm because colonialism and oppression has historically always been carried out by cis gender white men…are we supposed to change historical facts to make your little boy comfortable? Jeez.

Isn't this what public education in the STate of FLorida does?