I worry about my son a lot more

[Anonymous]

14:11 here. I've been watching this glorification of girls from the outside and am sickened. And I have 4 kids. Because on way is this good for girls or boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

Very well said to the bolded. And I am a white liberal woman with 3 boys.

With boys I think you have to work harder to keep them on track when they are younger and in their teens because they can really mess things up for themselves. My oldest is now 20 and I am beginning to relax A LOT more as his brain is getting more fully developed and the maturity is so evident. My 17yo is in the thick of very poor decision making. My 14yo is my most competent kid and while he is no angel, I feel like this is most what it would be like to have a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:11 here. I've been watching this glorification of girls from the outside and am sickened. And I have 4 kids. Because on way is this good for girls or boys.

Historically speaking, how many generations has this societal glorification of girls been in place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

No. Girls have problems but are quiet and well behaved so they are ignored. Then they grow up and society crushes their spirits. I would never feel sorry for a white man/boy.

You're an idiot and a misandrist at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:11 here. I've been watching this glorification of girls from the outside and am sickened. And I have 4 kids. Because on way is this good for girls or boys.

Historically speaking, how many generations has this societal glorification of girls been in place?

You can push for Project 2025, where your girls will have many basic rights stripped from them. Maybe then boys won’t have to suffer quite so much?

[Anonymous]

I can understand worrying more about your son than your daughter because your son has particular challenges or deficits that your daughter doesn't have, and he requires more attention as a result. But your OP just reads like you've internalized some media messaging that boys are under attack and as a result you're just . . . ignoring your daughter (she can always just be a SAHM if she's not cut out for a job, really?). That doesn't seem like it's a reasonable stance for any parent to take.

[Anonymous]

I have a 15 year old boy OP and I completely agree with you. Mind you these boys did nothing to perpetuate years of prejudice and oppression on girls, but are feeling the effects of over-correction in many instances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old boy OP and I completely agree with you. Mind you these boys did nothing to perpetuate years of prejudice and oppression on girls, but are feeling the effects of over-correction in many instances.

+1 I worried about my boy a lot when he was in middle school and was frustrated at the lack of programs specifically for their needs (tried and didn't like scouts, which was still all boys then). Freshman year of HS he was struggling in school and we ended up hiring two tutors for him who were both young men just out of college. They were such great role models for him and really encouraged him to aim higher at school. Put him on such a better path and he's doing great in college now. He also volunteered with our family at a regular church event that had him working with some older men at the church. Boys need good male role models (in addition to their dads).

I worried about my girl more in HS as anxiety and inattentive ADHD became apparent making juggling the increasing school demands harder + the hit on self esteem of existing in a super competitive and image focused high school. I feel like we're only getting back to a good place with her now that she successfully finished her first year of college.

Nobody has it easy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old boy OP and I completely agree with you. Mind you these boys did nothing to perpetuate years of prejudice and oppression on girls, but are feeling the effects of over-correction in many instances.

+1. And it is reflected in their politics as they are becoming voting age.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys and there are some things that concern me about boys (namely, how easily and subtly the alt-right pipeline can get them …) but overall, I’m glad I have boys. I was a gifted child. Really gifted in the “this kid shouldn’t be in a regular classroom” kind of way. But there was no where for me to go - the “gifted program” where I grew up in the early 90s was taking kids from multiple districts once a week for about half the school day and busing them to a huge classroom in another school where we would do “enrichment activities” aka play games most of the day. Other than that, my teachers had no idea what to do with me, I was disruptive, and I was treated really poorly. I didn’t want to be coloring or following directions to make a silly construction paper lamb for Easter either. And I do feel like there was an element of sexism about it. They didn’t know what to do with a girl who was trying to run programs off the DOS prompt in the classroom computer or who was reading at a HS level in 2nd grade. Now that I have an ES age kid of my own, I’m having to unpack how much I was hurt in school compared to my DS’s very supportive environment.

When it gets to middle/upper elementary, girls are under a lot more pressure from peers and teachers to act more mature. There’s a thread on this forum right now about how the 3rd grade girls are doing gymnastics moves at recess and “hanging out” and talking about what boys they like. Boys from K-6th are playing games and running around. Boys with strong interests are nurtured or they get a HFA diagnosis and supports, girls with strong interests are weird. Boys are supported in taking more risks, girls are expected to get the high grades even if it means not challenging themselves as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:11 here. I've been watching this glorification of girls from the outside and am sickened. And I have 4 kids. Because on way is this good for girls or boys.

Historically speaking, how many generations has this societal glorification of girls been in place?

DP. I didn’t think that it’s really glorification of girls. It’s all this stuff that started in the 90’s, trying to get girls into tech one sports and camping and all sorts of things that boys were doing.

But now it’s not only perpetuated, it’s starting much younger. So, now, instead of telling 16 & 17 year old girls that can be just as good at math and science as the boys are, you are telling 6 & 7 year old boys and girls that girls can be whatever they want to be. And the little boys are like, “what?”

Frankly, I also think that a lot of elementary school teachers are former sorority girls who completely forgot there were going to be roughhousing little boys in their classrooms.

[Anonymous]

is no one besides me (already posted) irritated by a woman raising her boy and girl to believe that "women always have the option to stay home"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:11 here. I've been watching this glorification of girls from the outside and am sickened. And I have 4 kids. Because on way is this good for girls or boys.

Historically speaking, how many generations has this societal glorification of girls been in place?

DP. I didn’t think that it’s really glorification of girls. It’s all this stuff that started in the 90’s, trying to get girls into tech one sports and camping and all sorts of things that boys were doing.

But now it’s not only perpetuated, it’s starting much younger. So, now, instead of telling 16 & 17 year old girls that can be just as good at math and science as the boys are, you are telling 6 & 7 year old boys and girls that girls can be whatever they want to be. And the little boys are like, “what?”

Frankly, I also think that a lot of elementary school teachers are former sorority girls who completely forgot there were going to be roughhousing little boys in their classrooms.

+1 My son told me in 1st grade that he always got the old, mean teachers because he was the bad kid at school (he has ADHD). 2nd grade was transformative -- he got a teacher who was the mom to three boys and actually liked boys generally and DS in particular. She saw his sense of humor and told me he was often the only one who got her jokes. She let all the kids sit in beanbag chairs or on exercise balls at their desks or lie on the floor to do their work. I loved her.

If I could invest in private school for my kids at just one phase of life I'd send my boys to an all-boys school for elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is no one besides me (already posted) irritated by a woman raising her boy and girl to believe that "women always have the option to stay home"

No, that also jumped out at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

How many MEN have been president of the US? How many men have been alive in the US? What percentage of men have been president of the US vs percentage of women? Hint: statistically speaking it’s the same.

Stop trotting out this stupid talking point. It has absolutely no relevance to the life of and potential hardships faced by the average man. Or woman.