I worry about my son a lot more

[Anonymous]

I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

No. Girls have problems but are quiet and well behaved so they are ignored. Then they grow up and society crushes their spirits. I would never feel sorry for a white man/boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

Yo, what decade did you come from? It’s not even remotely controversial to acknowledge in the year 20204 the.boys.are.not.alright. I hope you don’t have kids, your ideology is glaringly inaccurate and affecting your ability to think critically about issues that affect not only our kids but our entire society. Go back to bed.

[Anonymous]

I only have girls, hoped for girls and also thought girls would be easier (I am a woman after all) but they are teens now and there is constant drama and the thoughts are increasingly crossing my mind that boys are easier to raise and that their lives are simpler. Yes, there is more pressure to on them to achieve, but at least it's clear they are supposed to achieve. With girls, they are supposed to be pretty but also not too much into appearance, and kind but also not too kind, and achievers but also not so focused on achievement. It's just much less clear what women are supposed to be and what kind of person you are supposed to be raising.

[Anonymous]

Most societies favor boys, which lends to coddling of boys and - in the extreme- harm to girls.

This carries into parenting where boys are often coddled.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

I have an older girl and a younger boy, and I worry about my girl more. I think it’s the first pancake theory. We’re encountering everything for the first time with the oldest child and it all feels scary. Younger children tend to fly under the radar a bit and benefit from our greater confidence as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

We had an ES teacher that would wear the "Girls Rule/Boys Drool" shirt and my DS would come home and say "my teacher doesn't like boys"

We had another teacher that told the classroom "no boys are to run for the student government. its time for the girls to be in charge". we didn't learn of this until after the elections.

I could keep going on, but yes, there is a toxic/hostile environment for boys in school which doesnt clear up until HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

We had an ES teacher that would wear the "Girls Rule/Boys Drool" shirt and my DS would come home and say "my teacher doesn't like boys"

We had another teacher that told the classroom "no boys are to run for the student government. its time for the girls to be in charge". we didn't learn of this until after the elections.

I could keep going on, but yes, there is a toxic/hostile environment for boys in school which doesnt clear up until HS.

Yes! Even the less toxic “girls can be whatever they want to be” is still confusing for little boys who have no cultural context for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

We had an ES teacher that would wear the "Girls Rule/Boys Drool" shirt and my DS would come home and say "my teacher doesn't like boys"

We had another teacher that told the classroom "no boys are to run for the student government. its time for the girls to be in charge". we didn't learn of this until after the elections.

I could keep going on, but yes, there is a toxic/hostile environment for boys in school which doesnt clear up until HS.

this is insane. MCPS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

Jesus. Please prepare your daughter better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

Yo, what decade did you come from? It’s not even remotely controversial to acknowledge in the year 20204 the.boys.are.not.alright. I hope you don’t have kids, your ideology is glaringly inaccurate and affecting your ability to think critically about issues that affect not only our kids but our entire society. Go back to bed.

Obviously the boys are not alright - all our mass shooters are men. People are raped by men WAY more than by women. The majority of people in prison are men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry a lot less about my daughter. I am not sure why.

Is it just because son is the first kid and bears the burden of all my hopes and expectations?

Part of me thinks it might be because I think it’s just harder for boys in the world in the long term. Girls mature faster and outperform boys so much in school, and also always have the option of an easier career or staying at home with the kids. To do well in a HCOL area like we do, boys eventually have to have a lucrative, high paying job and with that, there’s so much more stress on the academic and college front when they are younger.

And girls are just easier when younger based on what I hear. Fewer learning issues, therapies needed. Went past a speech therapy office recently and the 4 children in the waiting room were all boys.


Anyone relate?

Yes, completely.

DD is my oldest; I signed her up for many supportive, affirming groups like Girls on the Run (then Heart and Sole), Coding for Girls, the Girl Scouts. Each group has its own empowering messages to encourage and motivate her through our male-dominated culture. She’s responded by working hard, excelling, and has such a bright future!

DS I enrolled in Cubs, then Boy Scouts (now renamed again Scouting USA) and it’s now co-ed; the subtle message to the boys has been “you were wrong to exclude girls; you should be ashamed). There was no boys on the run. All his classes are co-ed; all the history lessons in school are all about colonialism and oppression (and the subtle message is always: the oppressors are cisgender white males).

As an 8th grader, the books he’s assigned are all things like George Takei’s They Called us Enemy or, Things Fall Apart (same messages about oppressors: males. Whites).

We listen to NPR in the car and read the Post at home: same messages and none of it is good when it comes to males, who are the ones who created and perpetuate patriarchal culture.

It’s no wonder he and most other teen boys around here feel depressed. Look at the messages we are sending?