I worry about my son a lot more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is no one besides me (already posted) irritated by a woman raising her boy and girl to believe that "women always have the option to stay home"

DP. I’m truly sorry that reality irritates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is no one besides me (already posted) irritated by a woman raising her boy and girl to believe that "women always have the option to stay home"

DP. I’m truly sorry that reality irritates you.

If we're truly failing our boys it won't be a reality for long.

[Anonymous]

Well, I’m worried for your daughter even if you aren’t. Imagine having a mother with such low expectations for your success and a brother who “carried the weight of all [her] dreams”

Talk about dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

I see this too, not that the girl will be taken care on in the sense of having a husband, but that girls/women generally have more robust social networks. Men seem to have a harder time with friendship than women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

I see this too, not that the girl will be taken care on in the sense of having a husband, but that girls/women generally have more robust social networks. Men seem to have a harder time with friendship than women.

+1, I worry that they won't do as well in society, like being street smart and not getting into stupid troubles (porn, drugs, etc...)
Also, STD not being smart about protection, caring about health and work-balance.
I want them to be able to keep a clean house, bathrooms and kitchen not just taking out trash and lawn!
Is that too much to ask?

[Anonymous]

I'm more worried about parents raising rapists and school shooters. I worry about the parents of boys and how this is still happening with everything we know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

We had an ES teacher that would wear the "Girls Rule/Boys Drool" shirt and my DS would come home and say "my teacher doesn't like boys"

We had another teacher that told the classroom "no boys are to run for the student government. its time for the girls to be in charge". we didn't learn of this until after the elections.

I could keep going on, but yes, there is a toxic/hostile environment for boys in school which doesnt clear up until HS.

This is insane.

[Anonymous]

Wow I have a boy and a girl and I worry about them both a lot, largely what they will experience from other boys/men more than from women but there’s some of that too. My daughter has ADHD and even medicated struggles to sit through a day at school and the idea of a girl who is “wild” still infuriates people beyond what you would believe. My son doesn’t have ADHD and so far can behave according to teacher expectations but is constantly confused by being told x is for boys or so and so made fun of me because I wore the friendship bracelet my female friend made for me. There are still a lot of ignorant people teaching their kids this stuff. I worry about who my son will become, that he’ll decide it is easier to join in with some of the really nasty toxicity masculinity that I see happening in kids just a few years older than him. I worry about what we’ve modeled in a relationship where yes mom works but she also runs the house and dad just works a LOT and shows up when he wants and people praise him for taking his own child to a single doctors appointment. As my kids get older I do feel like I’m part of the problem.

But all of that pales in comparison to how afraid I am for my daughter to face sexual harassment and domestic violence and if you think those are remote fears you are in for a shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm more worried about parents raising rapists and school shooters. I worry about the parents of boys and how this is still happening with everything we know.

But seriously...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (two daughters and a son). I have always weirdly felt like my son is more vulnerable, more in danger in the world. Almost like society expects him to shoulder every burden alone, vs my daughters will always have someone to take care of them. I know that seems regressive which is why it's so weird for me- I'm a feminist, I work, my husband is an equal partner.

I see this too, not that the girl will be taken care on in the sense of having a husband, but that girls/women generally have more robust social networks. Men seem to have a harder time with friendship than women.

You know those social networks happen because women invest time in them right?

Nothing keeps you from teaching your son to be a good friend, valuing people, having empathy. Don’t blame “society” for failure to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is no one besides me (already posted) irritated by a woman raising her boy and girl to believe that "women always have the option to stay home"

Yup. This mom should probably focus more on her girls than just the boy. She is literally selling themselves short. "Not smart enough to get a job? Just get a husband!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What alternative world are you living in where life is easier for girls? I've never heard of boys being sexually harrassed by grown men at age 9, 10, 11 just for existing in public? In what scenario do men not have full autonomy over how they care for their bodies? How many women have been president in the US? How many cents are women earning to the dollar these days?

This X1000!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

Your kid “literally cried” over a school supply list and you concluded that something was wrong….with the school?

[Anonymous]

What’s worrying about this thread is all the parents already making excuses for their boys. There will not be independent well-adjusted men for our daughters to marry if they’re raised by these women who already raise them to see themselves as victims in a society which privileges them.