I hate my parents

[Anonymous]

I think you hate yourself. Find a good therapist.
I would be delighted to have my parents visiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have been visiting for nearly a week on account of my daughter’s high school graduation. They are both old — mid 80s — and in poor health. I feel terrible about this because they are not bad people, but I hate having them visit. I feel it is an intrusion on my space, I feel stuck, I resent them, and all I want is for them to leave and never come back (and I’ll make sure of it). This visit is a way for them to feel important and feel seen. But I feel used. I’m 54 and and I am finally seeing my parents for the very damaged people that they are. I see how they hurt me as a child by neglecting me emotionally. I think my dad is a kind of narcissist — everything has to be about him, he’ll do anything for attention and adulation. His relentless focus on himself and his insatiable desire to get his needs met deprived me of being heard and being seen as a child. My mom is rather pathetic, sitting there passively, waiting to be told what to do. She’s always been that way. She will not be around much longer. I feel like I should have some kind of meaningful conversation with her but I can’t fathom what to say. I have nothing to say. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to get the words out. We don’t have that kind of relationship. I hate myself for feeling this way — couldn’t I be more compassionate at this stage in their lives, I keep telling myself — but the truth is that I don’t want to be. I’ve had it with them. They repulse me. This sucks but there you have it. Does anyone else feel this way?

I don’t feel the same way, but I relate with your disappointment with your childhood and resentment dealing with your aging
parents. Once they have left you should try to process your emotions, journaling is one suggestion, and consider therapy with someone who can do inner child work with you. In the meantime you could read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my parents but I wish they were gone. I don’t have the energy, time or desire to be with them anymore. My kids are draining enough, they are my focus now. I wish my brother lived closer to help out but zi think even if he did live near us. He wouldn’t be much help.

I feel very similar, everything with them is hard work, not much is enjoyable. I am just going through the motions.

[Anonymous]

With my parents, it’s the opposite. My mother would do whatever she wanted, and my father let anyone do whatever they wanted. He laughed when I told him about his employee intentionally exposing himself to me every day, the only thing he said besides laughing was “YOU make it stop!” I had to work for him for 15 years. I moved across the country two years ago, and I still can’t get work or be free from them. I’ve given up.