Shocked at how many families in nice DMV neighborhoods are living in relatives' homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent" (whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

Yep, my friend moved into her DH's childhood home. The parents helped their son out and provide her/DH free babysitting to take trips. I'm so jealous. They really have the perfect set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been living close to downtown Bethesda for more than 10 years, know hundreds of people from elementary, middle and high schools in the area because my kids are older teens, and NO, this is not a common occurrence, OP.

Why are you so obsessed with other people's living arrangements? We have no family help or high salaries, yet I have zero issues with the people who do. DH and I will be the generation who helps their children. If you have money, you'll do the same for your children. See how that works? Why is it a problem when others do it, but not when you do it?

Your jealousy is making you really stupid.

I think maybe some of the OP's response is because when you are trying to make sound financial decisions for your family, it certainly helps to have full information. I remember spending a lot of time when my kids were in elementary school trying to figure out "what we were doing wrong" that everyone else our age claimed to have a beach house where they spent all of their vacations, when in reality it was their parents' beach house, their parents' time share, etc. I was raised in a family where we didn't really talk about money, so I honestly had no idea that people came from such different financial situations than we did or that there were all of these ways to play the system of which we were unaware. (OFf the top of my head I can recall the dude in my foreign service class who used his housing allowance to pay the mortgage on a house that his parents put up a down payment for, when I was paying for a furnished apartment with my housing allowance since I didn't own any furniture, etc. Some other guy who rented a room in a friends' house, friend charged him the maximum housing allowance, and then they split the money, etc.)

I am now in the situation of being the person who presumably other people wonder about. I think it's a social class thing. Those at the top don't share their insider knowledge with the proletariat, and so you don't know that they do things like combining a vacation with a business trip so that they can save money on plane tickets and hotel rooms, they are able to deduct payments on one of their fancy car leases because someone has a 'business' that generates very little income and they declare it a loss every year, someone who you occasionally see at the ski slope is actually a 'disabled vet' whose kids are getting to go to college for free, someone got a big settlement from an insurance company for some kind of injury, etc. There is a lot of underhanded and quasi-legal stuff taking place that you generally don't know about. Think about all of the news about Trump's finances -- the way that he didn't pay any taxes, and claims to be a billionaire who somehow also didn't generate any taxable income. The older I get, the more cynical I get.

"Disabled vet"??? How dare you equate that with a scam. F right on off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been living close to downtown Bethesda for more than 10 years, know hundreds of people from elementary, middle and high schools in the area because my kids are older teens, and NO, this is not a common occurrence, OP.

Why are you so obsessed with other people's living arrangements? We have no family help or high salaries, yet I have zero issues with the people who do. DH and I will be the generation who helps their children. If you have money, you'll do the same for your children. See how that works? Why is it a problem when others do it, but not when you do it?

Your jealousy is making you really stupid.

Thank you. There have been so many of these stupid posts by spoiled entitled children who resent that someone in this world has more than them. It has always been so and will always be so.

No, I'm not one of them but have been accused of that in the last few years. I did without for a very long time with my dh living way below our means to save.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always amazes me how people like OP feel entitled to other people's things.

OP here: we actually saved a six figure down-payment and closing costs without any family help. Paid for our own wedding too. Also paid off our student loans. But we got "lucky" by pivoting multiple times in our careers for better jobs, striving for big promotions, etc.

Vast majority of our friends who had a similar profile as us - i.e., had to pay for their own house, their own wedding, their own student loans - had to leave the area completely or moved very far out to make it work.

So, no, I do not feel entitled to other people's things. But it wasn't until our kid was in school that we really had no idea how "things really work" in nicer DMV neighborhoods.

because it isn't the way "things really work" in nicer DMV neighborhoods. You've just decided to make that up so you can be resentful that you dont have the same. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get what you are trying to say.

It is frustrating when you don't have that generational wealth. Money doesn't go as far and also more frustrations in childcare.

I don't envy others this position, but I do agree that they sometimes forget how much the rest of us must hustle/struggle.

I have lived all over the country and this is more predominant here than anywhere else I have lived.

I do agree that sometimes people like you assume or forget how much the rest of us struggled and went without and created our own wealth to afford that house in that neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent"(whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

You found me. Our family is living in CCMD in a house that's been held in the family for decades. It's in a good location that will only increase with value, and so the family has no intention of selling it. We've rented and owned our own places before, but we chose to live there to save and be closer to parents, without actually living with them. Our HHI is $300-500K and we "pay rent" (below market rate).

For the most part, this arrangement is a win-win-win. We benefit from saving more of our take home income and reduced need for childcare outside the family. Our parents enjoy having us closer to them and watching the kids. And the family is happy to have someone living in the house and taking care of it.

We plan to move out in a few years, when we'll have enough saved up to move where we want to outside
the DMV.

I thought the irs was quite picky about not allowing paying below market rent to relatives?

Not to mention, the families who do this are financially savvy enough to conceal the relative relationship. Very easy. Parents put the property under an LLC and children pay to the LLC. Also tax benefits to the parents. Lots of arrangements like this in my neighborhood as well (CCDC).

OP I understand your frustration but inequality is just a facet of life, get used to it or you will be upset about lots of things your entire life. I do agree with a PP that people who do this are more likely to have an air of entitlement that rubs me the wrong way. It usually comes with other signs of generational wealth - grandparents are probably also paying for Larlo and Larla's private school. All hang out at the country club on the weekends or off to their second home in St. Michaels. It's bubble lifestyle and if you're not part of it, it feels alienating. When I was in my thirties I also lived in a wealthier suburb where many had this arrangement and I had a very hard time connecting with those parents (we could afford to live there from our own salaries and savings, but it was clear we had a much more stress-filled life than these people who coasted on a parental property).

The one family I know who have had grandparents fund private schools/cars/renovations aren't what you describe at all. They were poor people from the western part of Virginia who scrimped and saved and never had anything and the stock market and some small investments paid off. They live in a tiny house that was paid for long ago and live in the middle of nowhere and drive basic cars but have passed what they have to their kids and grandkids. None of this entitlement country club bs you love to make up. I can introduce you to two of these families but you up this fake crap that allows you to justify your childish jealousy.

Waaaaaa. Anyone who has more than me cheated the system. Waaaaa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not surprised those who participate in this kind of arrangement jump to defend it. Entitled people tend to not see or care about the larger macro issues here - this directly contributes to shortage of housing supply which continues to drive up prices, making it all the more unaffordable for those who do not come from generational wealth.

This is why certain neighborhoods in DC and around - many already identified here like CCDC and CCMD - are insufferable. Full of old boomers and their entitled children.

WTF. So if I own a house want to retire and move to a retirement community I have to lose money at the sale and give it to you at a discount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone missed the point that it’s a sign of how unaffordable housing is and that much of what you might think is people affording homes is actually an illusion.

Yep. Welcome to America in 2024.

It feels like a sci-fi thriller where none of the victims understand what’s happening around them.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of trustafarians in the DC area. Not surprising that a lot of these people are gifted housing.

The only time I met as many people having houses purchased or given to them was when I was surprisingly living in a rural southern area and the wealthiest people would buy houses for their married or single kids in order to entice them to stay in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent" (whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

I don't know...I find this situation much more palatable than the family that just gets a big parent handout to buy a home.

In theory, this family is caring for the elderly parent so it solves a major problem for the elderly parents...which honestly will be a problem for basically anyone. The horror stories of parents at "great" assisted living/nursing homes are plentiful, while the stories of families having to accept that in-home nurses/caregivers will steal from their parents are also common.

Not sure what it is you are angry about in this situation.

Well, as long as it's palatable to you

Well, if my kids are wiping my a** when I am frail...seems like they deserve the house.

I guess you can't understand the difference, but enjoy that cut-rate assisted living facility.

No no no no. You need to give your house to op even though I am sure she scrimped and saved and did without less than I did. I suffered more! Me Me Me Me. Give me your house pp. It is wrong of you to look out for your own children even though we all know op will put her kids ahead of everyone on the planet and maybe even elbow you in the face if it means her kids get something in short supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of feigned outrage in here. Looks like OP got under people’s skin. You seemed to have hit a nerve.

Hit that nerve that twangs when we have to deal with another spoiled entitled adult toddler. Maybe some of us who worked two or three jobs in our early years to save money to afford to live here are sick of her preciousness and entitlement. She is the awful people she is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never sell my house in MoCo. When we retire, I will keep the house and have one of my adult children live in it. Financially it doesn't make sense to sell.

Yep, we own multiple houses in FFX county and have set up a trust for our children to them take over.

We have told them that they can thank us by doing the same for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of feigned outrage in here. Looks like OP got under people’s skin. You seemed to have hit a nerve.

Hit that nerve that twangs when we have to deal with another spoiled entitled adult toddler. Maybe some of us who worked two or three jobs in our early years to save money to afford to live here are sick of her preciousness and entitlement. She is the awful people she is describing.

Doesn't sound like you're the person described in this thread - "families in nice DMV neighborhoods living in relatives' homes"

Put down your phone, sit on your lawn, and get some Vitamin D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not surprised those who participate in this kind of arrangement jump to defend it. Entitled people tend to not see or care about the larger macro issues here - this directly contributes to shortage of housing supply which continues to drive up prices, making it all the more unaffordable for those who do not come from generational wealth.

This is why certain neighborhoods in DC and around - many already identified here like CCDC and CCMD - are insufferable. Full of old boomers and their entitled children.

Wait, so you think they should sell the family home, send the elders to a nursing home and the young family to an apartment across town where they will rarely see Grandma, all so you can buy their family home? Who's entitled here?

And how does this family living in one home instead of two create a housing shortage?

If we are talking about CCDC and CCMD PP is referring to people who own more than one house, and instead of selling, they give the other house to their kids for free or subsidized “rent.” Intergenerational living is another matter and quite rare in these wealthy, predominantly white DC neighborhoods. More common in Asian families.

I live in CCMD in a desirable school district and two families are like this. There was a house that for many years was basically abandoned. Owned by an older couple in CCDC who are wealthy enough to not have to sell. Eventually they fixed it up and gave it to the kids to live in. The other house was given to adult children after parents decided to downsize and moved into an expensive condo in FH. So yes, situations like this contribute to the low supply esp in good school districts. Properties stay in the same family as opposed to going on the market and allowing new families to enter - some of which will be like OP who get no parental help, others buy with help.

Wrong and it's amazing you can't see how ridiculous your logic is. There is a housing shortage for their children too but, nope, you're more entitled to their home than their children. Go outside, stomp your fit, ball up your fists, throw yourself on the ground and have a good cry. Maybe someone will come along and give you milk and cookies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been living close to downtown Bethesda for more than 10 years, know hundreds of people from elementary, middle and high schools in the area because my kids are older teens, and NO, this is not a common occurrence, OP.

Why are you so obsessed with other people's living arrangements? We have no family help or high salaries, yet I have zero issues with the people who do. DH and I will be the generation who helps their children. If you have money, you'll do the same for your children. See how that works? Why is it a problem when others do it, but not when you do it?

Your jealousy is making you really stupid.

I think maybe some of the OP's response is because when you are trying to make sound financial decisions for your family, it certainly helps to have full information. I remember spending a lot of time when my kids were in elementary school trying to figure out "what we were doing wrong" that everyone else our age claimed to have a beach house where they spent all of their vacations, when in reality it was their parents' beach house, their parents' time share, etc. I was raised in a family where we didn't really talk about money, so I honestly had no idea that people came from such different financial situations than we did or that there were all of these ways to play the system of which we were unaware. (OFf the top of my head I can recall the dude in my foreign service class who used his housing allowance to pay the mortgage on a house that his parents put up a down payment for, when I was paying for a furnished apartment with my housing allowance since I didn't own any furniture, etc. Some other guy who rented a room in a friends' house, friend charged him the maximum housing allowance, and then they split the money, etc.)

I am now in the situation of being the person who presumably other people wonder about. I think it's a social class thing. Those at the top don't share their insider knowledge with the proletariat, and so you don't know that they do things like combining a vacation with a business trip so that they can save money on plane tickets and hotel rooms, they are able to deduct payments on one of their fancy car leases because someone has a 'business' that generates very little income and they declare it a loss every year, someone who you occasionally see at the ski slope is actually a 'disabled vet' whose kids are getting to go to college for free, someone got a big settlement from an insurance company for some kind of injury, etc. There is a lot of underhanded and quasi-legal stuff taking place that you generally don't know about. Think about all of the news about Trump's finances -- the way that he didn't pay any taxes, and claims to be a billionaire who somehow also didn't generate any taxable income. The older I get, the more cynical I get.

"Disabled vet"??? How dare you equate that with a scam. F right on off.

Sorry, the Veteran's Disability program is horribly abused. Some recent stats:

The primary driver of the growth in disability compensation enrollment has been a series of regulatory and policy changes over the past two decades (including most recently the 2022 PACT Act) that have made it steadily easier for veterans to apply for and qualify for disability benefits for a broader set of medical conditions. As a result of these changes, nearly 40 percent of veterans who served in 1990 or later receive disability compensation benefits.

Veterans who enlisted since 2010 have some of the highest rates of disability compensation enrollment even though they were significantly less likely to deploy and faced a substantially lower risk of injury while deployed — only 1 percent of Army service members who enlisted between 2010 and 2015 were wounded in combat.

Considering how much easier it has become to qualify for disability benefits, it is perhaps unsurprising that 5,000 pilots who passed their Federal Aviation Administration physicals are now under investigation for receiving veterans’ disability benefits for conditions that should disqualify them from the cockpit.