DH says his success is my success

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

I NEVER said I was a high conflict high income divorce attorney - I said right from the start that I was an advocate for abused women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations.

As for everything else you said - oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Congratulations. You don’t know what the verb “to imply” means, either. Seriously, you are REALLY struggling to keep up in this conversation. It’s kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow op, you sure respond a lot. Just like the DCUM troll.

That isn’t OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

I NEVER said I was a high conflict high income divorce attorney - I said right from the start that I was an advocate for abused women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations.

As for everything else you said - oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Congratulations. You don’t know what the verb “to imply” means, either. Seriously, you are REALLY struggling to keep up in this conversation. It’s kind of sad.

DP but it's high key hilarious that the person who said to a DV advocate "rich white women never experience DV or get hosed in divorce" decided that the DV advocate's response mentioning expensive divorce lawyers was the poster's roundabout way of declaring herself not a DV advocate but rather an expensive divorce lawyer . . . has no idea he's the one not following the thread well.

[Anonymous]

'I think you said it well. My husband and I both work. Sometimes he out-earns me, sometimes I out-earn him, but we're always within about $100-150K of each other. Our money is joint, but I don't consider our professional successes to be. I don't have some sort of issue with it, I love my husband, but I get promotions at work because of the work I do. Sure, maybe him making dinner for that month is what allowed me to spend more time working on the project, but at the end of the day it was my work. We support each other when we're busy, but I find the idea of taking credit something he designed as an engineer to be weird. I couldn't have done it!"

+100

None of the arguments in favor of claiming your spouse's work success work once you have to account for all the never married people and the dual-professional couples who find great success at work. These days, these people far outnumber the households with a SAHM. Is having a SAH spouse going to make a working spouse's life less stressful? Sure! But most people who are really driven will be successful whether they are married and whether they have a spouse without a paycheck.

And don't forget that for every wife who was formerly an engineer/accountant/HR exec who can organize the home life like a professional project manager, there are at least 10 wives & husbands who basically lack the skills to even come close to doing so. I'm flabbergasted by how shitty my partner's SAHM ex-wife was at managing the household and raising their kids. She was and remains unemployable and has now, after about 7 years, spent through all the money she got in the divorce settlement and is now complaining to their kids about how she's struggling financially, as if he's supposed to do something about it. (They divorced when he found out she had affairs throughout their marriage.) I have a few female cousins who are the same way. They are very good looking but barely finished high school and now can't hold a job, and they aren't qualified to do work that earns enough money to justify paying for daycare. Lucky for them they each found a man who is willing to carry them, for now at least. Honestly, I wouldn't hire these women to be my child's caregiver, so the thought that a man would entrust his home and children to them makes me shudder. Frankly, there are lots of spouses who are a drag on the family. No way are their spouses' career success their success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

I NEVER said I was a high conflict high income divorce attorney - I said right from the start that I was an advocate for abused women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations.

As for everything else you said - oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Congratulations. You don’t know what the verb “to imply” means, either. Seriously, you are REALLY struggling to keep up in this conversation. It’s kind of sad.

DP but it's high key hilarious that the person who said to a DV advocate "rich white women never experience DV or get hosed in divorce" decided that the DV advocate's response mentioning expensive divorce lawyers was the poster's roundabout way of declaring herself not a DV advocate but rather an expensive divorce lawyer . . . has no idea he's the one not following the thread well.

Thank you.

- DV advocate

[Anonymous]

The divorce/early death (very low likelihood for either yet posters act like it's on every horizon) is more likely to hurt dual incomes than OP. Seriously, just because two people work does not mean they will not be utterly devastated financially when faced with divorce or early death. We have actual divorce statistics for certain educational backgrounds and income levels so it's impossible to believe one PP's claim of seeing it all the time. I know what family disasters I personally have seen more than others and they do reflect the statistics.

The OP has vacation homes/savings/protection but some types love to swarm to such a thread just to predict impending doom, every single thread. There is a higher likelihood that more dual income couples at lower hhi would not be sitting pretty with their employment and millions in the bank in case of disaster, but genuine kudos to the highest earning women who would be the best off financially in those situations.

OP needs to realize her contentment should not come from accolades. Like many pps said, she should be counting her blessings to have such privilege. It's unfair, that women with less who would love to sahm for various reasons cannot afford to, or still do it and put themselves in a dangerous position for financial control (which is also common in dual income families). Op is wistful, privileged and simply sharing that she felt embarrassed about something. It's tone deaf to do on public forum but interesting and food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met when we were in grad school. We were both ambitious and had demanding careers when we got married. We earned roughly the same when we had kids and over the years, I mommy tracked, moved to part time consulting and eventually became a SAHM of our three kids. DH’s career has soared and our kids are all thriving doing well in school, happy and social.

I recently didn’t go to my college reunion. It wasn’t a convenient time but more than anything, I think I’m embarrassed that I no longer work. DH is top of his field and earns a few million dollars per year. We live in a beautiful home in a highly desired area, have multiple vacation homes, etc. We live better and have more money than the majority of my old college friends. DH thinks I should be proud of my accomplishments because DH’s success is my success. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Do you think your spouse and children’s success if your success?

Our CFO said the same thing at a board dinner once.

What was the secret to your success. And he said, My wife.

Often that’s true because sometimes the Wife’s father got them the job

[Anonymous]

If you subscribe to the idea or not, its a very loving thing for a spouse to say. I know Obama feels that way about Michelle and I wonder if she would proudly agree or question herself??

[Anonymous]

Huh??? Michelle out earned Barak for years until he became a US Senator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh??? Michelle out earned Barak for years until he became a US Senator.

It is well known that she took on the lion's share on the home front and earned the money.

[Anonymous]

Michelle Obama was VP of Community & External Affairs for the Univ of Chicago Hospital System up until he became POTUS. She was hardly sitting around the house figuring out whether to redecorate the powder room, and I don't think she even did much to handle his fundraisers or other things like that back when he was running for state leg or even US Senate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

OP is talking about women who quit/drop out of the workforce like she did and support their husband by being a maid and nanny. OP is NOT talking about high-powered career women with 6-figure incomes whose work outside of the home underwrites her husband's political career. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

I NEVER said I was a high conflict high income divorce attorney - I said right from the start that I was an advocate for abused women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations.

As for everything else you said - oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Congratulations. You don’t know what the verb “to imply” means, either. Seriously, you are REALLY struggling to keep up in this conversation. It’s kind of sad.

DP but it's high key hilarious that the person who said to a DV advocate "rich white women never experience DV or get hosed in divorce" decided that the DV advocate's response mentioning expensive divorce lawyers was the poster's roundabout way of declaring herself not a DV advocate but rather an expensive divorce lawyer . . . has no idea he's the one not following the thread well.

Incorrect. The initial response to the bolded was that expensive divorce lawyers destroy families, to which the DV advocate defensively responded that SHE doesn’t destroy families, implying that SHE is an expensive divorce lawyer… because otherwise why on Earth would she respond to defend HER career to a post that was not about HER career.

It’s low key not hilarious how illiterate some of you are.

[Anonymous]

If Michelle Obama had thrown her HLS degree out the window to spend her days driving their girls to ballet class while he taught Con Law at Univ of Chicago, none of us would ever have heard of her husband.