Reply to DH says his success is my success

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[quote=Anonymous]'I think you said it well. My husband and I both work. Sometimes he out-earns me, sometimes I out-earn him, but we're always within about $100-150K of each other. Our money is joint, but I don't consider our professional successes to be. I don't have some sort of issue with it, I love my husband, but I get promotions at work because of the work I do. Sure, maybe him making dinner for that month is what allowed me to spend more time working on the project, but at the end of the day it was my work. We support each other when we're busy, but I find the idea of taking credit something he designed as an engineer to be weird. I couldn't have done it!"

+100

None of the arguments in favor of claiming your spouse's work success work once you have to account for all the never married people and the dual-professional couples who find great success at work. These days, these people far outnumber the households with a SAHM. Is having a SAH spouse going to make a working spouse's life less stressful? Sure! But most people who are really driven will be successful whether they are married and whether they have a spouse without a paycheck.

And don't forget that for every wife who was formerly an engineer/accountant/HR exec who can organize the home life like a professional project manager, there are at least 10 wives & husbands who basically lack the skills to even come close to doing so. I'm flabbergasted by how shitty my partner's SAHM ex-wife was at managing the household and raising their kids. She was and remains unemployable and has now, after about 7 years, spent through all the money she got in the divorce settlement and is now complaining to their kids about how she's struggling financially, as if he's supposed to do something about it. (They divorced when he found out she had affairs throughout their marriage.) I have a few female cousins who are the same way. They are very good looking but barely finished high school and now can't hold a job, and they aren't qualified to do work that earns enough money to justify paying for daycare. Lucky for them they each found a man who is willing to carry them, for now at least. Honestly, I wouldn't hire these women to be my child's caregiver, so the thought that a man would entrust his home and children to them makes me shudder. Frankly, there are lots of spouses who are a drag on the family. No way are their spouses' career success their success.

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