DH says his success is my success

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP -- I haven't read all the responses, but I totally get where you're coming from. His success is not your success. You shouldn't have stopped working, but now you have to live with that. Just remember this when you're giving young women/your daughter advice.

Exactly! Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them (even though you had more than enough money to do so) because they’re not worth bragging about at a college reunion the way some job you didn’t need would be…

Keep telling yourself that all working mothers are terrible mothers to make yourself feel better about staying at home. I know plenty of stay at home mothers who way less competent at parenting than full-time working mothers, sometimes because they're bored, other times because they feel unfulfilled. The best mother is someone who is confident in herself, feels gratified, is a role model, and is someone her kids can be proud of. It's not about how many hours of the day are you with your kid and whether you drive them to baseball practice or they carpool with a friend. But, again, keep telling yourself that the only good mothers are stay-at-homes.

The PP didn’t say or even imply what you are attributing to her.

NP. Yes, the person did imply this. The implication is anyone who can afford it should stay home with kids as that is the preferred parenting setup. Lots of people could afford to have a parent stay at home and don't because they don't agree with this.

Also, please don't brag about your job OR your kids at a college reunion. Snore.

It didn’t imply this either. You lack basic reading comprehension ability and you are projecting your own insecurities onto the PP.

She literally said working moms regret spending time with their children if they stayed at home.

It implies that that don’t spend time with our children, which they do.

This doesn’t even make any sense. You also don’t know what “literally” means.

She literally wrote “Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them”

Better? You’re definitely bitter.

You need to work on reading comprehension. You have brought in your own issues. That poster did not talking about working mothers. She was talking about OP who has chosen to stay home. It’s not the same thing.

DP but you're working way too hard to defend a crappy post. That poster was talking about OP who wants to go back to work. And her interpretation of OP wanting to go back to work is that OP regrets spending time with her kids and needs to tell them as much. There's no logical leap here, that's directly what she said. Stop defending it or admit what you're defending, the twisting is getting dumb.

You are working pretty hard to be offended by something that was not said. To be clear, I am a mother who works. A lot. Some comment on regretting time spent at home does not have any bearing on me, my family, or our choices. I don’t “regret” time at work. Are you that insecure?

You’re a mess.

You misinterpreted a post and you just can’t admit it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP -- I haven't read all the responses, but I totally get where you're coming from. His success is not your success. You shouldn't have stopped working, but now you have to live with that. Just remember this when you're giving young women/your daughter advice.

Exactly! Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them (even though you had more than enough money to do so) because they’re not worth bragging about at a college reunion the way some job you didn’t need would be…

Keep telling yourself that all working mothers are terrible mothers to make yourself feel better about staying at home. I know plenty of stay at home mothers who way less competent at parenting than full-time working mothers, sometimes because they're bored, other times because they feel unfulfilled. The best mother is someone who is confident in herself, feels gratified, is a role model, and is someone her kids can be proud of. It's not about how many hours of the day are you with your kid and whether you drive them to baseball practice or they carpool with a friend. But, again, keep telling yourself that the only good mothers are stay-at-homes.

The PP didn’t say or even imply what you are attributing to her.

NP. Yes, the person did imply this. The implication is anyone who can afford it should stay home with kids as that is the preferred parenting setup. Lots of people could afford to have a parent stay at home and don't because they don't agree with this.

Also, please don't brag about your job OR your kids at a college reunion. Snore.

It didn’t imply this either. You lack basic reading comprehension ability and you are projecting your own insecurities onto the PP.

She literally said working moms regret spending time with their children if they stayed at home.

It implies that that don’t spend time with our children, which they do.

This doesn’t even make any sense. You also don’t know what “literally” means.

She literally wrote “Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them”

Better? You’re definitely bitter.

You need to work on reading comprehension. You have brought in your own issues. That poster did not talking about working mothers. She was talking about OP who has chosen to stay home. It’s not the same thing.

DP but you're working way too hard to defend a crappy post. That poster was talking about OP who wants to go back to work. And her interpretation of OP wanting to go back to work is that OP regrets spending time with her kids and needs to tell them as much. There's no logical leap here, that's directly what she said. Stop defending it or admit what you're defending, the twisting is getting dumb.

You are working pretty hard to be offended by something that was not said. To be clear, I am a mother who works. A lot. Some comment on regretting time spent at home does not have any bearing on me, my family, or our choices. I don’t “regret” time at work. Are you that insecure?

Weak pivot from 8 posts of "she never said or implied anything like that" to "why do you care what some random says on the internet." :roll:

DP but I sincerely hope you don’t have a job that relies on your brainpower…

I stand by my statement that her post didn't imply it. She also came back to say she didn't mean that. Like many posters here, it appears that when you have no argument, you only have personal insults.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP -- I haven't read all the responses, but I totally get where you're coming from. His success is not your success. You shouldn't have stopped working, but now you have to live with that. Just remember this when you're giving young women/your daughter advice.

Exactly! Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them (even though you had more than enough money to do so) because they’re not worth bragging about at a college reunion the way some job you didn’t need would be…

Keep telling yourself that all working mothers are terrible mothers to make yourself feel better about staying at home. I know plenty of stay at home mothers who way less competent at parenting than full-time working mothers, sometimes because they're bored, other times because they feel unfulfilled. The best mother is someone who is confident in herself, feels gratified, is a role model, and is someone her kids can be proud of. It's not about how many hours of the day are you with your kid and whether you drive them to baseball practice or they carpool with a friend. But, again, keep telling yourself that the only good mothers are stay-at-homes.

The PP didn’t say or even imply what you are attributing to her.

NP. Yes, the person did imply this. The implication is anyone who can afford it should stay home with kids as that is the preferred parenting setup. Lots of people could afford to have a parent stay at home and don't because they don't agree with this.

Also, please don't brag about your job OR your kids at a college reunion. Snore.

It didn’t imply this either. You lack basic reading comprehension ability and you are projecting your own insecurities onto the PP.

She literally said working moms regret spending time with their children if they stayed at home.

It implies that that don’t spend time with our children, which they do.

This doesn’t even make any sense. You also don’t know what “literally” means.

She literally wrote “Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them”

Better? You’re definitely bitter.

You need to work on reading comprehension. You have brought in your own issues. That poster did not talking about working mothers. She was talking about OP who has chosen to stay home. It’s not the same thing.

DP but you're working way too hard to defend a crappy post. That poster was talking about OP who wants to go back to work. And her interpretation of OP wanting to go back to work is that OP regrets spending time with her kids and needs to tell them as much. There's no logical leap here, that's directly what she said. Stop defending it or admit what you're defending, the twisting is getting dumb.

You are working pretty hard to be offended by something that was not said. To be clear, I am a mother who works. A lot. Some comment on regretting time spent at home does not have any bearing on me, my family, or our choices. I don’t “regret” time at work. Are you that insecure?

Weak pivot from 8 posts of "she never said or implied anything like that" to "why do you care what some random says on the internet." :roll:

She has issues admitting she was wrong. I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s been told this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- I haven't read all the responses, but I totally get where you're coming from. His success is not your success. You shouldn't have stopped working, but now you have to live with that. Just remember this when you're giving young women/your daughter advice.

Exactly! Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them (even though you had more than enough money to do so) because they’re not worth bragging about at a college reunion the way some job you didn’t need would be…

Keep telling yourself that all working mothers are terrible mothers to make yourself feel better about staying at home. I know plenty of stay at home mothers who way less competent at parenting than full-time working mothers, sometimes because they're bored, other times because they feel unfulfilled. The best mother is someone who is confident in herself, feels gratified, is a role model, and is someone her kids can be proud of. It's not about how many hours of the day are you with your kid and whether you drive them to baseball practice or they carpool with a friend. But, again, keep telling yourself that the only good mothers are stay-at-homes.

The PP didn’t say or even imply what you are attributing to her.

NP. Yes, the person did imply this. The implication is anyone who can afford it should stay home with kids as that is the preferred parenting setup. Lots of people could afford to have a parent stay at home and don't because they don't agree with this.

Also, please don't brag about your job OR your kids at a college reunion. Snore.

It didn’t imply this either. You lack basic reading comprehension ability and you are projecting your own insecurities onto the PP.

She literally said working moms regret spending time with their children if they stayed at home.

It implies that that don’t spend time with our children, which they do.

This doesn’t even make any sense. You also don’t know what “literally” means.

She literally wrote “Just remember to let your kids know that you regret spending so much time with them”

Better? You’re definitely bitter.

You need to work on reading comprehension. You have brought in your own issues. That poster did not talking about working mothers. She was talking about OP who has chosen to stay home. It’s not the same thing.

DP but you're working way too hard to defend a crappy post. That poster was talking about OP who wants to go back to work. And her interpretation of OP wanting to go back to work is that OP regrets spending time with her kids and needs to tell them as much. There's no logical leap here, that's directly what she said. Stop defending it or admit what you're defending, the twisting is getting dumb.

You are working pretty hard to be offended by something that was not said. To be clear, I am a mother who works. A lot. Some comment on regretting time spent at home does not have any bearing on me, my family, or our choices. I don’t “regret” time at work. Are you that insecure?

You’re a mess.

You misinterpreted a post and you just can’t admit it.

The poster who wrote it said you got it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Your story is almost exactly my story almost freakily so. I moved from corporate to consulting full time but at my pace which worked for me. Eventually after a few moves for my husbands work I briefly became a SAHM but eventually worked for a non profit doing work I loved but for little pay. My husband also credits me with being a big part of his success. But I do wonder how far I could have gone on my own. However, our three children are now adults, married with children and really succeeding in their own careers and lives. I take enormous pride in that and while my husband was a devoted father I was the primary parent. We have a great marriage and I know my husband could not have achieved his success without me so when he says it I believe it. I’m one of the happiest and luckiest women I know!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read most of the replies, but I relate somewhat, including the part about feeling awkward about attending college reunions. I don't regret the decisions we made. I stopped working when my third was born. I worked more hours than my husband but he made a lot more money, plus one of our kids had some serious medical issues - it made sense for one of us to stop working and for that person to be me. Fast forward... I actually volunteer a lot of hours and am fulfilled by that and very grateful that we are well off enough that we could make the best decision for our particular situation. But when someone says , "So, what do you do?" I sometimes freeze and can't think of a single thing to say. It's like my identity is still wrapped up in a career that I left. Anyway, again, I know this was the best decision for our circumstance but, since I would not choose it in a different circumstance, I don't look back on it with great satisfaction.

All that said, I don't talk about this ever or even think about it much. It feels like a first world problem. I'd love to talk to someone in the same position but no one I went to college or grad school or even high school with is a stay-at-home mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I am often baffled at the turns these discussions take. The poster urged OP to protect herself in the event of doomsday and we ended up here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

The family law attorney poster shouldn't have called you a moron. Agreed. But wow, you are really looking for a fight. Protecting yourself financially is good advice for everyone. Because it turns out very very bad for some people.

[Anonymous]

Your DH values you so yes, I agree. What would he have done at work if one of your children got sick just as he was planning to attend a conference out of town and it was his week or you were gone?

A lot of men take their wives for granted. Yours values you. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met when we were in grad school. We were both ambitious and had demanding careers when we got married. We earned roughly the same when we had kids and over the years, I mommy tracked, moved to part time consulting and eventually became a SAHM of our three kids. DH’s career has soared and our kids are all thriving doing well in school, happy and social.

I recently didn’t go to my college reunion. It wasn’t a convenient time but more than anything, I think I’m embarrassed that I no longer work. DH is top of his field and earns a few million dollars per year. We live in a beautiful home in a highly desired area, have multiple vacation homes, etc. We live better and have more money than the majority of my old college friends. DH thinks I should be proud of my accomplishments because DH’s success is my success. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Do you think your spouse and children’s success if your success?

Lol. Troll.

Multiple vacation homes is a PITA and a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met when we were in grad school. We were both ambitious and had demanding careers when we got married. We earned roughly the same when we had kids and over the years, I mommy tracked, moved to part time consulting and eventually became a SAHM of our three kids. DH’s career has soared and our kids are all thriving doing well in school, happy and social.

I recently didn’t go to my college reunion. It wasn’t a convenient time but more than anything, I think I’m embarrassed that I no longer work. DH is top of his field and earns a few million dollars per year. We live in a beautiful home in a highly desired area, have multiple vacation homes, etc. We live better and have more money than the majority of my old college friends. DH thinks I should be proud of my accomplishments because DH’s success is my success. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Do you think your spouse and children’s success if your success?

Our CFO said the same thing at a board dinner once.

What was the secret to your success. And he said, My wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't think his success is your success but it sounds like you chose to go the more traditional gender role route.

Personally I am not a fan of SAHP after the kids are in school because I do think both parents should be involved in a life other than raising children but I do get that some women like to be taken care of and just relax at home while their husband works. For those that aren't ambitious and just like luxuries and don't mind being child-like and dependent on others - this is the perfect life.

I would be embarrassed too to go to a reunion because a rich husband to me isn't my goal or what I see as success. To me that isn't the dream.

That’s the problem. I was ambitious. I was career oriented. I used to work 60+ hours per week when I had my first child. Those hours weren’t sustainable. I took a lateral less demanding less paying job when I had my second child but the job was not satisfying. It was just a job to have a job. I kept cutting down and stayed home when we had our third child.

If this is a real poster, and they were so ambitious, over achieving and high income, then they would have done the full time working and “manage the help” route other sr exec level women do.

Or some rendition of that with a nanny until the ordinary income really started coming in.

Or is it K1 income by now OP? Hope so, otherwise you guys are getting screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

I NEVER said I was a high conflict high income divorce attorney - I said right from the start that I was an advocate for abused women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations.

As for everything else you said - oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.