Am I wrong to be upset with DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Narc" is the most juvenile abbreviation ever and also so shallowly demeaning. Yes, professional pride and expecting a bit of household respect for a date set for many months is being a "narc."

Nope means narcissist or narcotics addict. In DCUM means narcissist personality disorder. Kind of you how you keep sock puppeting your own fake OP here. Speaking of juvenile…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Narc" is the most juvenile abbreviation ever and also so shallowly demeaning. Yes, professional pride and expecting a bit of household respect for a date set for many months is being a "narc."

I agree that diving into saying the OP has NPD is playing armchair psychologist, but the OP's original post is oddly disconnected from the fact that the commitment DH is prioritizing is one that includes HER child. She relayed no emotion or connection to her child in this scenario. The kid is just a number on the hockey team who is interferring with her celebratory dinner plans. It's why some posters thought she was the kid's stepmom.

That's odd.

[Anonymous]

Another reason I’m glad my kid plays AAA with no Dad coaches. Perfect example of how ridiculous Dad coaches are and have zero objectivity. Yea. Another coach can handle and would probably be better for both the team and your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come OP never came back?

Because some people don't stay here all day monitoring threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is mind-boggling the amount of importance placed on CHILD'S SPORTS. It's just a game with it appears other coaches? Are they inept? Why do other coaches exist if not to help?

This. Also hockey is ick. Hope they’ve set aside money to pay for broken teeth and smashed cheekbones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

It's really no big deal to have this dinner on Saturday night as well.

And you getting upset also minimizes the hard work DH and your DC did all season long to make the playoffs.

I woudn't make a big deal of out of this, but a small apology to DH and then a reservation for Sat night should do the trick

Why should the DH be apologized to? Women always take last place it seems.

Bc OP asked DH to entirely MISS something that's very important to him and to their child, for something for her that can VERY easily be rescheduled. That's selfishness.

It's not about "taking last place" as you put; its about compromising and considering your spouse's feelings as well.

But DH is asking that something else that's clearly important be "missed" as well, for something that was hard to schedule and was on a calendar for, it seems, a very long time.

Waiting 24 hours is not "missing" the event. She's asking him to miss it entirely. We're all suggesting she just wait a single day.

There's a HUGE difference. Honestly, OP is being a little childish.

NP, this isn’t a reservation at the Olive Garden that can easily be rescheduled. If it is a hard to get reservation it takes lots of phone calls to secure a reservation. I’m team DW. My work supports our family so I expect support in return.

New poster. My husband keeps a running list of restaurants to try. He often makes reservations 3-6 months in advance, sometimes paying a non refundable deposit. He has calendar reminders for when various restaurants reservations open up.
If our child had a playoff game, we would cancel and schedule again later - even if later would be months away and possibly never. It’s a dinner. It’s not a one time only invitation to the White House.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t pay $2-5k for my kids top team sport so that the Head Coach can go out to dinner on the sudden death playoff games.
Hell no.

Those kids have been practicing their butts off all year and earned another playoff game. That cannot be rescheduled.

Some overpriced dinner restaurant can be rescheduled.

Op reads like a troll frankly.

Lol

Agree this is likely a Troll post. No family doing 5am rink times, all that gear, all those practices goes AWOL during the end of season playoffs.

Lol

I volunteer coach a free activity, but I made a commitment to a bunch of 10yr olds. Kids don’t care about money. Kids have no concept of the difference in effort between their book report or essay they spent a week on and a parent finishing a manuscript or defending their PhD thesis. They don’t have that lived experience and it’s unfair to expect that level of understanding from them.
Kids care that they worked really hard and made it to the finals. It’s about more than my own kid on the team - there are other people’s kids who are counting on me. Adults who think it’s no big deal to disappoint a bunch of kids are selfish jerks.

[Anonymous]

I personally would want to celebrate at the hockey game if my kid and DH were that involved. But I would also want my DH to take the lead in making this up to me by rescheduling the dinner and maybe some other date night while you wait for this special restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the coach get paid? If he gets paid it's also a job and work is work. This is what coaching is like you don't always have the schedule in advance. Go out for dinner the next night. You can go to the spa, get hair and nails done and take more time getting ready rather than trying to squeeze it on after a long work week. You know what he signed up for as a hockey coach, be flexible and everyone wins.

And even if the DH were not getting paid and his own kid was not on the team, he made a commitment to the kids on the teams by being their coach. If this were one of the many regular season game sure but this is the playoffs, and the kids would feel that they at a disadvantage because one of their coaches isn't there. That may or may not be true in reality but that is how they may feel, that they were sideswiped to fail suddenly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally would want to celebrate at the hockey game if my kid and DH were that involved. But I would also want my DH to take the lead in making this up to me by rescheduling the dinner and maybe some other date night while you wait for this special restaurant.

Would you ask him to do all of this or expect that he would just know that he needs to go all out to make it up to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Narc" is the most juvenile abbreviation ever and also so shallowly demeaning. Yes, professional pride and expecting a bit of household respect for a date set for many months is being a "narc."

I agree that diving into saying the OP has NPD is playing armchair psychologist, but the OP's original post is oddly disconnected from the fact that the commitment DH is prioritizing is one that includes HER child. She relayed no emotion or connection to her child in this scenario. The kid is just a number on the hockey team who is interferring with her celebratory dinner plans. It's why some posters thought she was the kid's stepmom.

That's odd.

Even of their kid was not on the team, dismissing the dreams of other little kids for non life or death reasons is mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.

I am sorry but a child's hockey game and extracurricular coaching is not the same as a major work project.

They are not the same.

Hockey playoff game >>>>>> some year long work project accomplishment.

Reschedule the dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

Fascinating indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. Women will always be last.

Your DH kinda sucks, not because of the game he can't control the schedule and as the head coach he has to show, but his attitude sucks.

He should have been empathetic and rescheduling the dinner.

He should not have tried to shame and guilt you for being disappointed.

You have the right to be disappointed.

You deserve to be celebrated.

You go to that dinner. Congratulations!

Woman here.

I would cancel my own dinner. Not because DH asked, but because I want to.

I would watch the my kid play hockey because I care about them that much.

The game cannot be rescheduled, but dinner can.

You must be a ME person. got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come OP never came back?

Because some people don't stay here all day monitoring threads.

How about answering the questions? Who is attending this dinner?

What's up with the aggressive questioning? My DH and I had this on our calendar for quite some time. I file my project at 5 p.m. and dinner was at 6. Basically hitting "send" and then celebrating after a long arduous work journey. It's not a work dinner.

But honestly...your tone is kind of pointlessly rude.

This is so weird. You file it at 5 and then eat at 6? You obviously are not driving out to the Inn at Little Washington. (even there I would reschedule).

Just call the place you were eating at 6 and ask them to be on a wait list for another day for your very important I finished a work project dinner.