Am I wrong to be upset with DH?

[Anonymous]

I understand your disappointment. It's unfortunate that your celebratory dinner conflicts with the playoff. Yet, the playoffs can't be rescheduled. Your dinner can. You can insist on keeping your dinner but do you really think your DH will be 'present'? Yeah, you can 'win' this but it's won't be the victory you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Don't try to force your DH to skip his big event for a private dinner to celebrate your big event. That wouldn't go well and will likely lead to him resenting you for missing his big game, and you resenting him for not being happy at your own celebration. Just compartmentalize this as one of those little disappointments that is easily corrected by rescheduling the dinner for another night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a group dinner for work, you should attend the work one and he attends the game. Easy.

If it’s a dinner for you two of you, move the dinner. Also easy. I can see why your DH was shocked that you didn’t want to do that.

+1

My husband coaches our son's soccer team. I wouldn't choose a fancy date night to celebrate myself over their playoff game. For me, showing up for my kid's accomplishment would be the more important thing.

But it would go both ways, depending on the situation. If we had plans to celebrate my big thing as a family, but DS got invited to a birthday party, he would have to skip the bday party to celebrate my thing.

A celebration dinner for just dh and I CAN be rescheduled. A playoff game cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand your disappointment. It's unfortunate that your celebratory dinner conflicts with the playoff. Yet, the playoffs can't be rescheduled. Your dinner can. You can insist on keeping your dinner but do you really think your DH will be 'present'? Yeah, you can 'win' this but it's won't be the victory you think it is.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a group dinner for work, you should attend the work one and he attends the game. Easy.

If it’s a dinner for you two of you, move the dinner. Also easy. I can see why your DH was shocked that you didn’t want to do that.

+1

My husband coaches our son's soccer team. I wouldn't choose a fancy date night to celebrate myself over their playoff game. For me, showing up for my kid's accomplishment would be the more important thing.

But it would go both ways, depending on the situation. If we had plans to celebrate my big thing as a family, but DS got invited to a birthday party, he would have to skip the bday party to celebrate my thing.

A celebration dinner for just dh and I CAN be rescheduled. A playoff game cannot.

+2

[Anonymous]

You have a right to be disappointed, but you can reschedule a dinner. You cannot reschedule a playoff game. Being a coach is a commitment. Look at the bright side — you could go out somewhere easier to get into on Saturday AND make a reservation at the place you want to go in a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the dinner for the two of you? Or a group work dinner?

This is what I want to know too.

If it’s just the two of them, it seems obvious to reschedule, but if it’s with her team from work then that would just as obviously take precedence.

[Anonymous]

Get a babysitter and plan a weekend get away. You both win.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re both wrong. It sounds like this celebration meant a lot to you and DH brushed it off as NBD. I’m wondering if part of your feeling is also down to feeling a general lack of support. DH should have expressed his pride in you, his regret about having to reschedule, and offered something extra.

DH can’t skip playoffs. That’s not reasonable. And your kid probably wants you there. So you should have congratulated them and said of course you will be there.

So from here, in your shoes, I would joyfully attend the game, and in the near future, I’d have a conversation with DH about the whole thing. And I’m proud of you for all you’re doing, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't try to force your DH to skip his big event for a private dinner to celebrate your big event. That wouldn't go well and will likely lead to him resenting you for missing his big game, and you resenting him for not being happy at your own celebration. Just compartmentalize this as one of those little disappointments that is easily corrected by rescheduling the dinner for another night.

This is a wise answer. However, you might want to show him this thread.

Try to do something extra special beyond the dinner. Maybe go away for the weekend? Obviously you'd like to feel a little more special and celebratory. I worry that you might still be a little irked when your rescheduled date happens. So it will take more effort to achieve the same amount of celebratory cheer.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others to reschedule the dinner. I’m about to reschedule a special birthday dinner due to a late soccer tournament game being scheduled and spouse isn’t the coach. If you got the reservation a month out, then you can move it to next month.
And, as others said, go out to celebrate at a less fancy place the next night with the fam, plus do the fancy place next month.

[Anonymous]

As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

It’s not prioritizing the sports over the work accomplishment. It’s recognizing that moving the celebration of the work achievement does not negate it. Both can be accommodated so easily; why wouldn’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

How many parents of players on the team would feel that their coach doesn’t prioritize his commitment to the team if he skips the playoff game to go out to dinner? The timing is unfortunate but the dinner can be rescheduled and the work accomplishment celebrated. Celebrating your spouse’s work project isn’t isolated to one night only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

I’m Indian and I don’t recognize what you are saying. The work milestone is the achievement, not the dinner.