Am I wrong to be upset with DH?

[Anonymous]

My DH coaches (with two other people, but he's the head coach) ice hockey. Kids made a playoff tournament. Game was just scheduled for Friday night.

This night has been on our calendar for a year: It's the date I conclude a massive project at work, a milestone that will have really big repercussions for my career. We had a special congratulatory dinner planned at a hard-to-get-into restaurant that requires reservations a month out.

I asked my DH if he could leave it to the two other coaches. He said no and was shocked that I wouldn't want to be at the playoff game because our kids come first.

Maybe I'm tired from working so hard, but I'm upset. This date has been set for months. He said we should cancel our plans and maybe we could "go on a weeknight next week."

Do I need to just get over it?

[Anonymous]

A congratulatory dinner for just the two of you? Honestly, I can see both sides being equally valid.

[Anonymous]

Wait, is this a work dinner.... or one for the two of you?

[Anonymous]

Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH coaches (with two other people, but he's the head coach) ice hockey. Kids made a playoff tournament. Game was just scheduled for Friday night.

This night has been on our calendar for a year: It's the date I conclude a massive project at work, a milestone that will have really big repercussions for my career. We had a special congratulatory dinner planned at a hard-to-get-into restaurant that requires reservations a month out.

I asked my DH if he could leave it to the two other coaches. He said no and was shocked that I wouldn't want to be at the playoff game because our kids come first.

Maybe I'm tired from working so hard, but I'm upset. This date has been set for months. He said we should cancel our plans and maybe we could "go on a weeknight next week."

Do I need to just get over it?

Yes - he’s the head coach and the team made the playoffs. You can reschedule.

[Anonymous]

I would be bummed but it sounds like no one know when the playoff game would be. So, I imagine he is just as surprised that you think the dinner should go forward as you are that he thinks it should be rescheduled. Maybe you invite a friend and he goes to the playoff game.

[Anonymous]

The special dinner was planned before the hockey? No, that takes precedence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.

I am sorry but a child's hockey game and extracurricular coaching is not the same as a major work project.

[Anonymous]

Is your DC playing or is your DH coaching a team without a connection to your family?

[Anonymous]

To me, the celebratory dinner can easily move and his coaching commitment is firm.

But you could easily be excused for missing the game to work/rest/celebrate elsewhere.

So I guess I’m team DH on his coaching bumping the dinner, but team OP on her not going to the game if she’s busy or exhausted. But as the coach, he definitely can’t bail for a dinner. That’s silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.

I am sorry but a child's hockey game and extracurricular coaching is not the same as a major work project.

A celebratory dinner is not the same as a major work project either. The work project is important. The celebratory dinner can easily move.

[Anonymous]

Is the dinner for the two of you? Or a group work dinner?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset. Playoffs are a big deal and I'd be excited for my kid and DH and want to attend. I would reschedule the dinner for another night and maybe do a night in a hotel too! BUT I will say I'm the type who is pretty flexible about celebrations and these types of things.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a group dinner for work, you should attend the work one and he attends the game. Easy.

If it’s a dinner for you two of you, move the dinner. Also easy. I can see why your DH was shocked that you didn’t want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, the celebratory dinner can easily move and his coaching commitment is firm.

But you could easily be excused for missing the game to work/rest/celebrate elsewhere.

So I guess I’m team DH on his coaching bumping the dinner, but team OP on her not going to the game if she’s busy or exhausted. But as the coach, he definitely can’t bail for a dinner. That’s silly.

Agree. Also, OP, it seems like it might have been wise to factor in hockey season. I can totally see my DH saying "oh, yeah, that will work because the season will be over" and forgetting that there might be a game that night if the team makes playoffs, but even then I wouldn't ask him to miss. I'd just be pissed that he f-ed up the schedule. I might still go to dinner with a friend...depends on how much it mattered to my kids to have us both there.