Why are sleepovers so important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

They are sleeping during sleep overs, no? So it's not the same as time spent in the afternoon. Are they up playing all night?

It’s a different experience, getting to know other adults like his friends parents, having dinner and breakfast at their house, sleeping in a different place. Sleepovers are a preview of what independent life is.

If an adult needs to keep cose observation at all times, there would be no (overnight) camps, no field trips, no hanging out at the park etc.

If you’re so anxious about what your child might see around the family if his friends chances are you skipped on your parenting duties. As a parent you should get to know the other family enough to trust them with your child, have a conversation with your child about what’s appropriate, how to get help from another adult etc.

When is it ok to leave teenagers by themselves? When they leave for college, but not a minute earlier? That’s a recipe for socially awkward, unadjusted young adults.

Oh Please.

My kids have had dinner at friends' houses. I have had their friends over for dinner. I have had their friends over for breakfast. What is the benefit of sleeping over.

Camping is quite different. It's adventure and it's usually further away than a 5- 10 minute drive.

It's a shame your kids need to sleep in someone else's bed or on the floor in someone's basement to develop social skills and independence.

And it would be pretty stupid to pay for my kids to live on campus if they were a 5 minute drive from school.

It's amazing how our parents became " independent" without ever sleeping over at a friend's house.Lol.

If you don’t see how overnight camp and sleepovers are very similar, then you’re not very bright. You don’t need to do them, but kids enjoy the experience because they are fun. By the same silly argument you might even ask what’s the benefit of inviting/visiting people for breakfast or dinner, when everyone has their own food at home.

When sending the kids to a sleepover, one big benefit is that I can go out with my spouse and spend time by ourselves doing adult things. Given how sexually repressed you seem to be, I’m sure you’d see that as a negative.

Oh sweetheart,

Some of us can afford babysitters. We don't need sleepovers for date night. And no one asked for the benefits to you, you self centered weirdo.

Wait wait - you hire babysitters to watch your kids but you don’t allow sleepovers?!?!

The irony is lost on you lol

Well, according to her only if the babysitter is married, otherwise the babysitter is too sketchy and might bring the boyfriend over, which will result in a 1 in 4 chance her daughter will be sexually abused. I honestly feel sadness for that posters kids.

I have no concern with single parents watching my kids. That is a different poster, you fool.

Your brain is so small that it will explode when you realize that there are several posters who don't care for sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

They are sleeping during sleep overs, no? So it's not the same as time spent in the afternoon. Are they up playing all night?

It’s a different experience, getting to know other adults like his friends parents, having dinner and breakfast at their house, sleeping in a different place. Sleepovers are a preview of what independent life is.

If an adult needs to keep cose observation at all times, there would be no (overnight) camps, no field trips, no hanging out at the park etc.

If you’re so anxious about what your child might see around the family if his friends chances are you skipped on your parenting duties. As a parent you should get to know the other family enough to trust them with your child, have a conversation with your child about what’s appropriate, how to get help from another adult etc.

When is it ok to leave teenagers by themselves? When they leave for college, but not a minute earlier? That’s a recipe for socially awkward, unadjusted young adults.

Oh Please.

My kids have had dinner at friends' houses. I have had their friends over for dinner. I have had their friends over for breakfast. What is the benefit of sleeping over.

Camping is quite different. It's adventure and it's usually further away than a 5- 10 minute drive.

It's a shame your kids need to sleep in someone else's bed or on the floor in someone's basement to develop social skills and independence.

And it would be pretty stupid to pay for my kids to live on campus if they were a 5 minute drive from school.

It's amazing how our parents became " independent" without ever sleeping over at a friend's house.Lol.

If you don’t see how overnight camp and sleepovers are very similar, then you’re not very bright. You don’t need to do them, but kids enjoy the experience because they are fun. By the same silly argument you might even ask what’s the benefit of inviting/visiting people for breakfast or dinner, when everyone has their own food at home.

When sending the kids to a sleepover, one big benefit is that I can go out with my spouse and spend time by ourselves doing adult things. Given how sexually repressed you seem to be, I’m sure you’d see that as a negative.

Oh sweetheart,

Some of us can afford babysitters. We don't need sleepovers for date night. And no one asked for the benefits to you, you self centered weirdo.

Wait wait - you hire babysitters to watch your kids but you don’t allow sleepovers?!?!

The irony is lost on you lol

Well, according to her only if the babysitter is married, otherwise the babysitter is too sketchy and might bring the boyfriend over, which will result in a 1 in 4 chance her daughter will be sexually abused. I honestly feel sadness for that posters kids.

Do you realize there are more than two posters of the same opinion?

Nah, conflating sleepovers with sexual abuse is so far out there that the chance that more than one person shares the same outlandish view is statistically vanishingly small. I bet it’s the same crazy posting over and over again.

I never once mentioned sexual abuse. And that was my post about hiring babysitters. You are the one conflating sleepovers with sexual abuse .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

My kid in hs always came home grateful when they had sleepovers. They got to see how other people live compared to us. So for us they were more appreciative of what we did for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

My kid in hs always came home grateful when they had sleepovers. They got to see how other people live compared to us. So for us they were more appreciative of what we did for them.

But they get to see this during the day too, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Europeans don’t do sleep overs

Asians don’t do sleep overs

Black people don’t do sleep overs

Latinos don’t do sleepovers

This is a very “new world” whites thing

What?? I'm 40+ yo Asian and I had sleepovers all the time growing up in my home country. Not just a white thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

They are sleeping during sleep overs, no? So it's not the same as time spent in the afternoon. Are they up playing all night?

It’s a different experience, getting to know other adults like his friends parents, having dinner and breakfast at their house, sleeping in a different place. Sleepovers are a preview of what independent life is.

If an adult needs to keep cose observation at all times, there would be no (overnight) camps, no field trips, no hanging out at the park etc.

If you’re so anxious about what your child might see around the family if his friends chances are you skipped on your parenting duties. As a parent you should get to know the other family enough to trust them with your child, have a conversation with your child about what’s appropriate, how to get help from another adult etc.

When is it ok to leave teenagers by themselves? When they leave for college, but not a minute earlier? That’s a recipe for socially awkward, unadjusted young adults.

Oh Please.

My kids have had dinner at friends' houses. I have had their friends over for dinner. I have had their friends over for breakfast. What is the benefit of sleeping over.

Camping is quite different. It's adventure and it's usually further away than a 5- 10 minute drive.

It's a shame your kids need to sleep in someone else's bed or on the floor in someone's basement to develop social skills and independence.

And it would be pretty stupid to pay for my kids to live on campus if they were a 5 minute drive from school.

It's amazing how our parents became " independent" without ever sleeping over at a friend's house.Lol.

If you don’t see how overnight camp and sleepovers are very similar, then you’re not very bright. You don’t need to do them, but kids enjoy the experience because they are fun. By the same silly argument you might even ask what’s the benefit of inviting/visiting people for breakfast or dinner, when everyone has their own food at home.

When sending the kids to a sleepover, one big benefit is that I can go out with my spouse and spend time by ourselves doing adult things. Given how sexually repressed you seem to be, I’m sure you’d see that as a negative.

Oh sweetheart,

Some of us can afford babysitters. We don't need sleepovers for date night. And no one asked for the benefits to you, you self centered weirdo.

Wait wait - you hire babysitters to watch your kids but you don’t allow sleepovers?!?!

The irony is lost on you lol

Well, according to her only if the babysitter is married, otherwise the babysitter is too sketchy and might bring the boyfriend over, which will result in a 1 in 4 chance her daughter will be sexually abused. I honestly feel sadness for that posters kids.

Do you realize there are more than two posters of the same opinion?

Nah, conflating sleepovers with sexual abuse is so far out there that the chance that more than one person shares the same outlandish view is statistically vanishingly small. I bet it’s the same crazy posting over and over again.

I never once mentioned sexual abuse. And that was my post about hiring babysitters. You are the one conflating sleepovers with sexual abuse .

What’s the whole point of your posts? Apparently you want to educate people that sleepovers are useless, although parents can see for themselves that their kids love them, and are a great way to develop friendships, social skills, independence etc. Supposedly you found other ways to develop said skills, good for you. Realize that you are unusual in this respect and parents might be confused by your choices. No big deal, explain a few times that you don’t do sleepovers and people will get it. Why is this such a burden for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Europeans don’t do sleep overs

Asians don’t do sleep overs

Black people don’t do sleep overs

Latinos don’t do sleepovers

This is a very “new world” whites thing

What?? I'm 40+ yo Asian and I had sleepovers all the time growing up in my home country. Not just a white thing.

Agree. I had sleepovers all of the time and had a lot of black and Puerto Rican friends, all which were allowed to sleep over. And my mom had sleepovers all the time too and she was born in the 40's. It isn't some first generation white thing either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

A strict “no sleepovers” policy is too often borne out of a parent’s transphobic prejudice.

I think it’s former sexual assault or childhood abuse.

This. The parent is likely a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

We only allowed sleepovers when our kids were middle school or older and then only if we knew the parents well.
My DH's best friend was molested by a friend's dad, who happened to be their pastor. DH witnessed that trauma and was adamant that our kids not be put in that situation.

You’re irrationally equating sleepovers with sexual abuse, they are two very distinct things. You’d be more accurate linking sexual abuse with churches.

I wasn’t saying it was rational, I am saying that is why my DH wasn’t comfortable having them at sleepovers. I disagreed with him but he felt strongly about it so that’s what we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

They are sleeping during sleep overs, no? So it's not the same as time spent in the afternoon. Are they up playing all night?

It’s a different experience, getting to know other adults like his friends parents, having dinner and breakfast at their house, sleeping in a different place. Sleepovers are a preview of what independent life is.

If an adult needs to keep cose observation at all times, there would be no (overnight) camps, no field trips, no hanging out at the park etc.

If you’re so anxious about what your child might see around the family if his friends chances are you skipped on your parenting duties. As a parent you should get to know the other family enough to trust them with your child, have a conversation with your child about what’s appropriate, how to get help from another adult etc.

When is it ok to leave teenagers by themselves? When they leave for college, but not a minute earlier? That’s a recipe for socially awkward, unadjusted young adults.

Oh Please.

My kids have had dinner at friends' houses. I have had their friends over for dinner. I have had their friends over for breakfast. What is the benefit of sleeping over.

Camping is quite different. It's adventure and it's usually further away than a 5- 10 minute drive.

It's a shame your kids need to sleep in someone else's bed or on the floor in someone's basement to develop social skills and independence.

And it would be pretty stupid to pay for my kids to live on campus if they were a 5 minute drive from school.

It's amazing how our parents became " independent" without ever sleeping over at a friend's house.Lol.

If you don’t see how overnight camp and sleepovers are very similar, then you’re not very bright. You don’t need to do them, but kids enjoy the experience because they are fun. By the same silly argument you might even ask what’s the benefit of inviting/visiting people for breakfast or dinner, when everyone has their own food at home.

When sending the kids to a sleepover, one big benefit is that I can go out with my spouse and spend time by ourselves doing adult things. Given how sexually repressed you seem to be, I’m sure you’d see that as a negative.

Oh sweetheart,

Some of us can afford babysitters. We don't need sleepovers for date night. And no one asked for the benefits to you, you self centered weirdo.

Wait wait - you hire babysitters to watch your kids but you don’t allow sleepovers?!?!

The irony is lost on you lol

Well, according to her only if the babysitter is married, otherwise the babysitter is too sketchy and might bring the boyfriend over, which will result in a 1 in 4 chance her daughter will be sexually abused. I honestly feel sadness for that posters kids.

I have no concern with single parents watching my kids. That is a different poster, you fool.

Your brain is so small that it will explode when you realize that there are several posters who don't care for sleepovers.

It just seems that the anti sleepover crowd is an eclectic collection of socially misadjusted, oddballs, people with misplaced fear of sexual abuse, etc. When you say you don’t do sleepovers people put you in the odd bucket, and may need some explanation to figure out what your deal is, especially since you’ll be around their kids through your own children. Surely that’s a small thing you could do for them.

[Anonymous]

Because different families are different.

Some parents grew up with sleepovers, love hosting kids in their house, and assume other families are as equally into it as they are.

Others did not grow up with sleepovers and think the whole idea is kind of bizarre at best and potentially risky at worst. So they decline invites and can’t understand why people keep offering.

Most families are in the middle - no strong feelings either way, and no strong reactions to families who see things differently than they do. They recognize that different families are different - we all don’t have to agree or operate the same way all the time.

My advice: Be more like that last set of families. You do you. Let others do them. Stop judging other families’ choices. And stop caring about whether other families are judging your choices.

There are tons of different ways to raise happy, healthy children. We don’t all have to do it the same way.

[Anonymous]

This thread proves that at least some anti sleepovers people have some issues to work on, to say the least.

Even the OP, she made a big stink about how annoying it is to be asked about sleepovers, but she never gave her reasons why she doesn’t do sleepovers, unless she’s the one with the sexual abuse craziness. If that’s true, I rest my case.

It’s perfectly fine for parents to ask any question they want when it comes to their kids and that includes why you don’t do sleepovers. They’re not annoying, it’s not a white people thing, it’s just parents wanting to know more about who’s around their kids. I’m happy to accept any reasonable answer like my child is too tired the next day. But if you’ll say something crazy like what’s posted in this thread, our kids will no longer be friends because I wouldn’t be comfortable with you around my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Europeans don’t do sleep overs

Asians don’t do sleep overs

Black people don’t do sleep overs

Latinos don’t do sleepovers

This is a very “new world” whites thing

What?? I'm 40+ yo Asian and I had sleepovers all the time growing up in my home country. Not just a white thing.

Agree. I had sleepovers all of the time and had a lot of black and Puerto Rican friends, all which were allowed to sleep over. And my mom had sleepovers all the time too and she was born in the 40's. It isn't some first generation white thing either.

Only MAGA, transphobic people oppose sleepovers completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Europeans don’t do sleep overs

Asians don’t do sleep overs

Black people don’t do sleep overs

Latinos don’t do sleepovers

This is a very “new world” whites thing

Really? We used to have massive sleepovers in the early 80s with our group of friends who were white, Black, Asian, and Latina. We rotated hosting.

Don’t know about Europeans.

[Anonymous]

We love sleepovers. Hosting and attending. Well, I love hosting, not attending obviously.

I was actually molested at a sleepover by an older brother who was a few years older. It was bad, but had very little to do with it being a sleepover and everything to do with poor parenting and supervision on the part of both our families.

Me and a neighbor girl regularly got up to some real weird experimenting stuff from the ages of 8-10. Ironically, she wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers and her parents rarely allowed her to come to my house. Kids can get up to no good any time of day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Person who asked about single parents here.

Older siblings are sketchy. They are usually not supervised as well as the younger ones( and this is fine because they are older), and they
watch and say stuff that is not age appropriate for younger kids.

I grew up with older siblings and I matured much faster than my children are now( saw all the boyfriend and girlfriend drama, heard conversations I shouldn’t have etc). Nothing necessarily wrong with it, but it's not what I want for my children.

Lol wait what? How could you possibly avoid this? Only by having an only child….or somehow making sure you had one set of twins and then no other children??

My kids are 2 years apart, so close enough in age.

My siblings were 3-10 years older. You wouldn’t believe the stuff I used to read in my much older sibling's room...

So I am referring to much older siblings, say
greater than 5 years apart.

Hahaha I see…..
So, just to be clear: a sibling 2 years older is okay, but 3 years is too much? What if there are 3 kids, each 2 years apart? Your kid can only sleep over if she’s friends with the middle child, not the youngest?