Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor

[Anonymous]

Sympathizing with you, OP. It is incredibly tiring. I try to block chunks of time on my schedule to do all the medical calls, etc so I don’t need to think about it as an ongoing thing. DCUM is a good place as any to vent too.

[Anonymous]

I'm hesitant to suggest this, but I think your family is suffering a lot from this, including your children. What if you asked to separate/asked him to move out for a while? It sounds like he has a profound mental health disorder that is untreated and creating havoc for your kids and you. Time apart might take the temperature down, at least for you and the kids.

It's really bad for kids mental health to feel the pressure to take care of their parents or feel responsible for them. They're probably terrified.

My guess is that it's something treatable or at least manageable with meds, honestly, given how long it's been going on. For example, my husband had swallowing problems for years and became pretty anorexic and was terrified of throat cancer. The Endo said it was unlikely, because he'd already be dead. Turned out to be EoE.

[Anonymous]

Book the appointment and drive him.

[Anonymous]

Dear god OP - that is an awful burden you are carrying.

I agree w/ others about dropping the rope. You can't save everyone and you need to feel ok w/ prioritizing your own health. Your husband, especially, needs to suck it up and act like an adult.

I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hesitant to suggest this, but I think your family is suffering a lot from this, including your children. What if you asked to separate/asked him to move out for a while? It sounds like he has a profound mental health disorder that is untreated and creating havoc for your kids and you. Time apart might take the temperature down, at least for you and the kids.

It's really bad for kids mental health to feel the pressure to take care of their parents or feel responsible for them. They're probably terrified.

My guess is that it's something treatable or at least manageable with meds, honestly, given how long it's been going on. For example, my husband had swallowing problems for years and became pretty anorexic and was terrified of throat cancer. The Endo said it was unlikely, because he'd already be dead. Turned out to be EoE.

I disagree with this suggestion. This is the father to her children. You don't ask him to move out for this. We have no idea his side and how he would defend himself. OP is stressed out and it's hard to process things fully when so stressed. Give him one last gentle push to take care of himself and just drop the rope, but you don't ask someone who isn't abusive and isn't cheating to move out of the home he presumably paid part of the down payment and mortgage for?!

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I will update when there is any significant news. At this point it could be something not horrible to really horrible. Got him a urologist appt bit of course it’s a few weeks out because specialists are booked everywhere.

[Anonymous]

I will hopefully have an update tomorrow. He has been in bed for the past few days due to pain. He doesn’t want to talk about it, and yet yells at me for not doing anything to help him. It sucks. Tomorrow he sees the urologist. UTI symptoms still persist. He thinks it’s cystitis. I have no idea. -OP

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. If he keeps telling take him to et. He needs a full work up, for a wide range of things and might get it there.

Otherwise for tomorrow: Can you go with him? Seems like you need to convey the huge weight loss and disabling nature of the pain, plus how long it’s been going on.

[Anonymous]

Also please ask about bladder cancer. Don’t let urologist dismiss as uti without exploring this/tests. Ask about cystoscopy.

[Anonymous]

Apologies I meant to write above “if he keeps yelling take him to the Emergency Room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologies I meant to write above “if he keeps yelling take him to the Emergency Room

Exactly this. You are not a doctor and that’s what he needs. Regardless if he’s scared, in pain, whatever - he’s being childish and you don’t have to take the abuse. Especially when you’ve been trying for months to help him!!!

Then drop the rope on others needing you with a firm “I can’t take care of all of you! Please enlist another caregiver because I can’t cover everyone.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will hopefully have an update tomorrow. He has been in bed for the past few days due to pain. He doesn’t want to talk about it, and yet yells at me for not doing anything to help him. It sucks. Tomorrow he sees the urologist. UTI symptoms still persist. He thinks it’s cystitis. I have no idea. -OP

Is he going to the doctor today, OP? Please keep us updated. And please do not tolerate his yelling; that’s totally uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

So initial appt with urologist yesterday. Told him to stop antibiotics so they can get a clean urine sample and ordered a CT scan. Obviously no diagnosis yet but some mentions of “if it’s kidney stones …”. So more waiting but at least there is some movement toward medical intervention.

[Anonymous]

Can kidney stones cause weight loss?

[Anonymous]

Glad something is happening. Did you or he bring up the precipitous weight loss? Can they also order blood work and an abdominal ultrasound so at the next appointment the doctor can discuss all the results at once?