I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will look unhinged, and AP will reach out to your husband to complain about it -- and he'll agree with her, and just like that they will be back together again.

The AP doesn't care about you and your feelings, and they don't have to -- they aren't the one married to you.

Frankly that sounds like an excellent way to test his so called loyalty.

[Anonymous]

They are both POSs - don’t waste your energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will look unhinged, and AP will reach out to your husband to complain about it -- and he'll agree with her, and just like that they will be back together again.

The AP doesn't care about you and your feelings, and they don't have to -- they aren't the one married to you.

Frankly that sounds like an excellent way to test his so called loyalty.

Like the other pp said, that is poking a hornets nest. The emotions people feel during an affair are very real. People might think men don’t have those emotions but they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be better to contact her husband if she has one. Do it anonymously.

Or pretend to be a 2nd or 3rd AP, to mess with her thinking she was special. And then say that the husband gave her an STD

Spreading lies about STD status is legally considered character assassination. By all means, go ahead and engage and get yourself sued. Knock yourself out.

[Anonymous]

Cheating husbands always utter those classic lines that their affair partners "were just sex" or "meant nothing," as if that should make it all easier to swallow. It's rather pitiful for a betrayed wife to cling to a man who eagerly risked his marriage, his family and his home life for "nothing." Being a selfish, self-serving sociopath is bad enough, but who wants to stay married to such a person anyway? You can't do any better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating husbands always utter those classic lines that their affair partners "were just sex" or "meant nothing," as if that should make it all easier to swallow. It's rather pitiful for a betrayed wife to cling to a man who eagerly risked his marriage, his family and his home life for "nothing." Being a selfish, self-serving sociopath is bad enough, but who wants to stay married to such a person anyway? You can't do any better?

WITH A MARRIED woman most of the time, but somehow she gets let off the hook on this board. She's not selfish or a sociopath, right?

Men don't think they are hurting their wives because they compartmentalize and think they won't hurt their wives. Are they still having regular sex at home and doing all the family things and planning date nights? Yes- most of the time.

I guess you will be able to tell if it was just sex if he dumps you and then never contacts you again. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Every OW/AP has mental health issues. They all do. Don't waste your breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He won’t remember her name in a couple years or even less. For men it’s just sex. Read the other thread with the article cited about this. If this was a midlife thing due to his own issues and he’s done the work, he isn’t even thinking of her. I can’t remember her last name or much of anything and the trauma it caused pretty much caused a black out of the that time. Women carry this thing for a long time. For men it’s nothing. Don’t ruin a marriage if it were happy up until this point. Infidelity in a long marriage is close to 65%. I wish you peace. Don’t get stuck. She wants to stay relevant and believes she had some impact. She needs to or she just feels used. Move on.

Whatever. If that's what you need to tell yourself. It's not nothing to men- otherwise they would not risk everything for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating husbands always utter those classic lines that their affair partners "were just sex" or "meant nothing," as if that should make it all easier to swallow. It's rather pitiful for a betrayed wife to cling to a man who eagerly risked his marriage, his family and his home life for "nothing." Being a selfish, self-serving sociopath is bad enough, but who wants to stay married to such a person anyway? You can't do any better?

WITH A MARRIED woman most of the time, but somehow she gets let off the hook on this board. She's not selfish or a sociopath, right?

Men don't think they are hurting their wives because they compartmentalize and think they won't hurt their wives. Are they still having regular sex at home and doing all the family things and planning date nights? Yes- most of the time.

I guess you will be able to tell if it was just sex if he dumps you and then never contacts you again. Ever.

What happened when it ended? Was he nice or did he call you a ho and you are nothing like his perfect wife? Did he completely go MIA? Did he take down every means to contact you? If any of those things happen no matter what came out of his mouth to play you, well you can see what that meant.

IT's best not to date someone that is married or in a long term relationship with someone else. Hard stop. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won’t remember her name in a couple years or even less. For men it’s just sex. Read the other thread with the article cited about this. If this was a midlife thing due to his own issues and he’s done the work, he isn’t even thinking of her. I can’t remember her last name or much of anything and the trauma it caused pretty much caused a black out of the that time. Women carry this thing for a long time. For men it’s nothing. Don’t ruin a marriage if it were happy up until this point. Infidelity in a long marriage is close to 65%. I wish you peace. Don’t get stuck. She wants to stay relevant and believes she had some impact. She needs to or she just feels used. Move on.

Whatever. If that's what you need to tell yourself. It's not nothing to men- otherwise they would not risk everything for it.

This is hard, I know. But, you don't have the psychology training apparently: they aren't risking everything. They aren't even thinking that way. They are covering every tract and they don't think anyone will ever find out so in their minds they aren't risking anything. And, if they never say a bad word about their wife they also don't even feel like they are disrespecting her.

There is zero risk to someone thinks they aren't hurting someone by doing everything in their will power so that they won't get hurt or found out. It's twisted, yes. But that's the mind of a cheater in a happy marriage--which is 75% of men if you go back and read the studies others have linked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating husbands always utter those classic lines that their affair partners "were just sex" or "meant nothing," as if that should make it all easier to swallow. It's rather pitiful for a betrayed wife to cling to a man who eagerly risked his marriage, his family and his home life for "nothing." Being a selfish, self-serving sociopath is bad enough, but who wants to stay married to such a person anyway? You can't do any better?

WITH A MARRIED woman most of the time, but somehow she gets let off the hook on this board. She's not selfish or a sociopath, right?

Men don't think they are hurting their wives because they compartmentalize and think they won't hurt their wives. Are they still having regular sex at home and doing all the family things and planning date nights? Yes- most of the time.

I guess you will be able to tell if it was just sex if he dumps you and then never contacts you again. Ever.

Don't be dense.

When OW post here, they are shamed and ridiculed. They are shamed even when they give an opinion on something else and mention that they were the other woman.

They don't get off the hook on these boards. However, it's unhealthy and stupid for the wives to spend much energy thinking about the OW while forgiving the idiot who has a contract with these wives and then gloating that the men chose them( the wives) in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it and it was great!

She was shaking in her shoes. To her I was just and idea and a lie. When she saw exactly who I was she felt small and pathetic.

Everyone needs to be held accountable for their action, everyone.

Go for it!

How do you know she felt small and pathetic? Maybe she was scared in the moment, then brushed it off and laughed at you.

Because she cried like a little b* to my now xH and wrote me a long pathetic letter begging me to be her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it and it was great!

She was shaking in her shoes. To her I was just and idea and a lie. When she saw exactly who I was she felt small and pathetic.

Everyone needs to be held accountable for their action, everyone.

Go for it!

What did you say?

Lots of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it and it was great!

She was shaking in her shoes. To her I was just and idea and a lie. When she saw exactly who I was she felt small and pathetic.

Everyone needs to be held accountable for their action, everyone.

Go for it!

Did you wreak the same vengeance on your cheating spouse and make him "shake in his shoes"? I'm betting he either got of easier, or you really reamed him but he didn't quiver once.

My now xH cried like a baby and begged me to forgive him for almost a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won’t remember her name in a couple years or even less. For men it’s just sex. Read the other thread with the article cited about this. If this was a midlife thing due to his own issues and he’s done the work, he isn’t even thinking of her. I can’t remember her last name or much of anything and the trauma it caused pretty much caused a black out of the that time. Women carry this thing for a long time. For men it’s nothing. Don’t ruin a marriage if it were happy up until this point. Infidelity in a long marriage is close to 65%. I wish you peace. Don’t get stuck. She wants to stay relevant and believes she had some impact. She needs to or she just feels used. Move on.

Whatever. If that's what you need to tell yourself. It's not nothing to men- otherwise they would not risk everything for it.

This is hard, I know. But, you don't have the psychology training apparently: they aren't risking everything. They aren't even thinking that way. They are covering every tract and they don't think anyone will ever find out so in their minds they aren't risking anything. And, if they never say a bad word about their wife they also don't even feel like they are disrespecting her.

There is zero risk to someone thinks they aren't hurting someone by doing everything in their will power so that they won't get hurt or found out. It's twisted, yes. But that's the mind of a cheater in a happy marriage--which is 75% of men if you go back and read the studies others have linked.

DP.

It's actually not hard.

I agree that it's twisted. Why don't they steal at work, or in grocery stores?

So somehow they are great at assessing other risks of getting caught but not so great at assessing risks of getting caught when they cheat. You know why? Because they are definitely risking everything for sex outside of marriage. It is their cocaine, and they are willing to lose it all for it.

They lie about how they can stop because it means nothing, just like addicts do. And they convince you and their wives.