Reply to I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He won’t remember her name in a couple years or even less. For men it’s just sex.  Read the other thread with the article cited about this. If this was a midlife thing due to his own issues and he’s done the work, he isn’t even thinking of her.  I can’t remember her last name or much of anything and the trauma it caused pretty much caused a black out of the that time.  Women carry this thing for a long time.  For men it’s nothing.  Don’t ruin a marriage if it were happy up until this point.  Infidelity in a long marriage is close to 65%.  I wish you peace. Don’t get stuck. She wants to stay relevant and believes she had some impact. She needs to or she just feels used.  Move on. [/quote]

Whatever. If that's what you need to tell yourself.  It's not nothing to men- otherwise they would not risk everything for it. [/quote]

This is hard, I know.  But, you don't have the psychology training apparently: they aren't risking everything. They aren't even thinking that way.  They are covering every tract and they don't think anyone will ever find out so in their minds they aren't risking anything. And, if they never say a bad word about their wife they also don't even feel like they are disrespecting her.

There is zero risk to someone thinks they aren't hurting someone by doing everything in their will power so that they won't get hurt or found out.  It's twisted, yes.  But that's the mind of a cheater in a happy marriage--which is 75% of men if you go back and read the studies others have linked.[/quote]

DP.

It's actually not hard.

I agree that it's twisted. Why don't they steal at work, or in grocery stores?

So somehow they are great at assessing other risks of getting caught but not so great at assessing risks of getting caught when they cheat. You know why? Because they are definitely risking everything for sex outside of marriage. It is their cocaine, and they are willing to lose it all for it.

They lie about how they can stop because it means nothing, just like addicts do. And they convince you and their wives.
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