Yale vs Penn State - Your Honest Opinion Please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

Thanks for providing more details. If I were DH in the same situation I would definitely MAKE my son choose YALE. Even if I go broke I would do it. Even if I have to panhandle to pay for my son to attend YALE. I totally understand your DH’s perspective however. And don’t get me wrong—PSU is an excellent school, but YALE carries more prestige—that will help him a lot when he applies for law school, business school, grad school, or his career in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to go into law/business/consulting Yale is a no brainer. Your DH may become jealous of the doors Yale will open for your son though

This is only partially correct.

If law, then undergraduate school does not matter.

If business, then matters for first options after undergrad, but does not matter re MBA school & post-MBA employment options.

If consulting, then Yale is the better option.

Going to a school like Yale, which is a recruiting target school for finance and consulting, is a massive leg up for people wanting to pursue a career in business. I'm not sure why you mean it does not matter for B School - it definitely does, from your pre-MBA work experience to general acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH that it is because he did so well that is why his son has the chance to go to a school like Yale. And that you all are realizing the American dream - each generation builds on the successes of the last. Whatever you do, keep lease don’t make the kid go to Pennie’s state over Yale. If that were the idea you should have never let him apply

[Anonymous]

OP based on all you said, definitely Yale. DS is there at a pre doc lab job. For what your DS wants to possibly study, Penn State no where near the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to go into law/business/consulting Yale is a no brainer. Your DH may become jealous of the doors Yale will open for your son though

This is only partially correct.

If law, then undergraduate school does not matter.

If business, then matters for first options after undergrad, but does not matter re MBA school & post-MBA employment options.

If consulting, then Yale is the better option.

Going to a school like Yale, which is a recruiting target school for finance and consulting, is a massive leg up for people wanting to pursue a career in business. I'm not sure why you mean it does not matter for B School - it definitely does, from your pre-MBA work experience to general acceptance.

Totally agree!

[Anonymous]

Being an undecided student at a large state school is not a good place to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

Thanks for providing more details. If I were DH in the same situation I would definitely MAKE my son choose YALE. Even if I go broke I would do it. Even if I have to panhandle to pay for my son to attend YALE. I totally understand your DH’s perspective however. And don’t get me wrong—PSU is an excellent school, but YALE carries more prestige—that will help him a lot when he applies for law school, business school, grad school, or his career in general.

Yale grad here. Your son should go to Yale! I didn't love every part of the school, but overall going there was an amazing opportunity. I would have been very resentful if my parents made me turn it down, when they can pay. Your husband needs to get over his own issues that are standing in the way of him supporting the obvious best choice for his son. And YOU need to turn this around as you are the mom.

Your son want to go to Yale, he worked extremely hard to get this opportunity, and you can afford it. Not letting him go would be awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yale could open such large career doors that 35k/yr could be a blip in 5yrs. What if ds made $120k coming out of Yale?

This should not be a part of the equation. Dale and Kruger's research has shown over and over (3 decades of data) that the same student will have the same outcomes financially whether they go to an elite college or their safety school. The situation OP is in is literally what D+K's study focuses on.

Maybe someone understands this better than I do, but when I read the study it looks like they capped the maximum earnings for any respondent at $245,000 or so. So if you had reported that you made more than $200,000 they just assigned this number. Is that right? And if they did that does that impact the results by flattening the curve so to speak?

[Anonymous]

OP with the new information I'd say 100% Yale, nothing to think about.

The most important thing you can do for your son is get your DH to back off. Keep him stupefied and languid with incessant BJs or something.

[Anonymous]

Let your son choose Yale. He will resent you and your DH if you make him choose Penn State. He clearly has worked hard too. Let your family be proud of this accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Yale was life changing for me and meant I got the benefit of the doubt in any job application. I met friends for life who are succeeding in all sorts of interesting fields and I received a full merit scholarship to grad school- I’m sure in no small part because of the prestigiousness of my undergrad degree- so the ROI has been huge. It sounds like your DH wants to keep your son humble, I will say it is incredibly humbling and motivating to be surrounded by the best of the best. And the posters who talked about the warm environment and feeling that anything is possible were spot on.

[Anonymous]

DH and I come from similar background as OP’s DH. And that’s WHY we told our kids they could go to any college they could get into and they’d graduate debt-free. Your kid has every right to be mad as hell and resent his father. You & DH AGREED that if DS worked his ass off AND won the lottery, then he could go to Yale (even if you did not say this expressly, you certainly gave implicit approval when DS applied to all these tip top schools). And DS is aware it’s not a financial hard ship. You both have done a complete 180 on him. And to give those lame ass arguments that the education is the same — you sound certifiably nuts too. I’m mad on DS’s behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your son choose Yale. He will resent you and your DH if you make him choose Penn State. He clearly has worked hard too. Let your family be proud of this accomplishment.

This. You cannot tell him no for Yale. Your relationship will be ruined. Imagine 20 years from now when he comes to you and says he should have gone to Yale. How do you look him in the eye and say it was the best decision? You can’t, you just can’t. Your husband had his story. Your son has a different story.

[Anonymous]

Big picture dh should be proud he pulled himself up and helped make this opportunity possible for DS. Huge accomplishment on both his and OPs behalf.

[Anonymous]

Crabs in a pot.