Yale vs Penn State - Your Honest Opinion Please

[Anonymous]

I will keep checking on this thread until OP says her DS is going to Yale. Or that he disowned them. One is going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

I mean, he's not wrong.

You're right--he's not wrong. There's just not enough of a difference in the quality of education or the ability level of the students.

I agree, though, with everyone who says the conversation about money should have happened well before applications were sent in, and that dad needs to let DS pick whichever school he wants, even if it's for the wrong reason. He'll be fine either way.

He can absolutely be successful either way but you can’t pull the bait and switch, you just can’t, when you let him apply. Especially because it sounds like it’s not even about the money but about some issues DH has from his own experience. I went to an Ivy and know lots of people that went to Yale and other Ivies. In a lot of ways they’re not “all that” but as another poster wrote having it on your resume gets you the benefit of the doubt in various situations snd that’s useful. I also think the Yale undergrad experience just sounds better than Penn State.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yale hands down.

+1, unless a student truly hates Yale.

[Anonymous]

Hoping that you let DS choose Yale, OP. Forget the finances — Yale changed my life. I have the most fond memories of my time there, and a close group of friends that I’m still close with 10+ years out. It’s mattered every step of the way post-grad too, and has made me into who I am today. -Yalie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got into both Yale and Penn State and I went to Yale. My parents didn't give me a hard time about it but helped me pay and supported me taking out loans. I met people at Yale I wouldn't have met at Penn State. Even now, the Yale name on my resume means more on job applications than the Penn State name would. I would make the same choice again.

How much loans can students take out? That $5,500K or so a year that every student can take out obviously won't cut it. Was it actually your parents who took out the loans? Or co-signed your loans? Research says below:

$5,500 to $12,500 per year
The maximum amount that undergraduate students can borrow each year in federal direct subsidized and unsubsidized loans ranges from $5,500 to $12,500 per year, depending on their year in school and whether they're a dependent or independent student.

I went about 30 years ago when I think tuition and board were about 35 K/year, and I think I took out 15K in loans per year. We used my savings and my parents paid the rest. My parents also helped me pay off my loans afterwards, which was extremely kind of them.

By the way, I wound up applying to law school five years after I graduated Yale when I realized I wanted to make more money than my writing job was paying me. I got in touch with a prior Yale English prof and he wrote me an excellent recommendation that paved the way to a great law school for me even though law school was a little bit of a left turn for my literature background. Not sure a Penn State prof would have done the same 5 years out with the same effect. And people saying the Yale undergrad degree doesn’t matter for law school are wrong, at least when I was getting hired ~20 years ago, because it came up in interviews, and frankly still does.

One other thing to consider is whether it is still as viable as it was in your husband’s day to become something out of nothing just through hard work. A LOT of people are grinding. It’s part of the reason why millennials and Xers and Zers are so mad at older generations. There is a LOT of grinding going on and not everyone grinding has a success story coming out of it. Lots of people work very hard without catching the golden ring at the end; don’t assume some luck wasn’t involved and stack the deck in your kids favor as much as you can, imho.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will keep checking on this thread until OP says her DS is going to Yale. Or that he disowned them. One is going to happen.

If I were that kid, I’d cynically milk the parents to the extent possible and then never talk to them again.

[Anonymous]

If your child wants to go to Yale and you can afford it, I’d let him make the decision. But don’t go to Yale because it is more “prestigious” than Penn State (if that matters a lot to you/your child) I went to Yale (primarily because it was “prestigious” and still to this day wish I had chosen a different school for various reasons. I had a good time, did well academically, but Yale is not the best “fit” for every student. Where you went to school doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you do wherever you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child wants to go to Yale and you can afford it, I’d let him make the decision. But don’t go to Yale because it is more “prestigious” than Penn State (if that matters a lot to you/your child) I went to Yale (primarily because it was “prestigious” and still to this day wish I had chosen a different school for various reasons. I had a good time, did well academically, but Yale is not the best “fit” for every student. Where you went to school doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you do wherever you are.

He wants to go to Yale, they agreed, they can afford it, he’s an only child, but now that’s he’s accepted, the parents changed their minds and berate DS for the extra $35k/yr even tho money is not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

With these additional details, I would go with Yale.

I posted earlier in this thread saying Penn State due to financial reasons. But, I take that back for your specific situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

With these additional details, I would go with Yale.
I posted earlier in this thread saying Penn State due to financial reasons. But, I take that back for your specific situation.

This is the OP’s perspective of her DH…”trigger issues”? maybe it’s all true, maybe somewhat true, maybe not really the reason at all for his hesitation. But I think coming to this forum to get opinions to hopefully use to change your spouse’s mind is somewhat bizarre. I guess the significance or insignificance of $35k is relative. And couples often disagree about money. It’s probably one of the main reasons for discord and divorce. Hope the family can figure it out together.

[Anonymous]

Think this is more a husband problem than anything else

If money is not an issue, Yale obviously. Husband is an idiot. But congratulations with the Yale acceptance. And good luck with the divorce

[Anonymous]

I did grad school at Penn State and taught undergrads as a TA. Go to Yale if you want an actual education.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are plenty of campus jobs at Yale that pay very well for very little work. I had friends who worked in the library or Dean’s offices for 20 hours a week, got paid well, and spent most of their time working actually just doing homework. Maybe one way to make your DH feel better is to ask your son to get a campus job for 8 hours a week or something. I say 8 only because there are so many extracurricular activities, and you wouldn’t want him to miss out on those for working when he doesn’t actually need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think this is more a husband problem than anything else

If money is not an issue, Yale obviously. Husband is an idiot. But congratulations with the Yale acceptance. And good luck with the divorce

It will be pretty funny to watch your son decide on DH's nursing home.

[Anonymous]

If you can cover the additional $35K without taking out loans, then I'd absolutely send him to Yale, no question. It's a vibrant, wonderful challenging academic environment for a potential pre-law student.The residential college system is fantastic for building community.

If you were mortgaging your future for Yale, I'd not consider it. But given your additional comments, YES to YALE.

And hats off to you for looking at this decision objectively.