Yale vs Penn State - Your Honest Opinion Please

[Anonymous]

OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These two schools are a choice only for a recruited athlete.

Maybe for lacrosse. Certainly not for football, basketball, etc.

Well, if they really want to go to Yale and value that more than being on the better team, it is a choice for a recruited athlete. Less of a choice for someone wanting to play in the NBA/NFL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

Then Yale.

- PP who said it depends on major

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

This makes so much more sense now.

If he’s going to Engineering, he does not need a degree from Yale.

If he’s going for business or law, it will be worth the money.

YES he can go anywhere and be successful.

That’s sort of not the point though. You have the money to get this for him. You let him apply. Your husband should have not played that game where you assume they won’t get in. That was a gamble he should be happy he lost.

[Anonymous]

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one.

Then go with Yale. My only one went to an ivy. Absolutely no regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

This makes so much more sense now.

If he’s going to Engineering, he does not need a degree from Yale.

If he’s going for business or law, it will be worth the money.

YES he can go anywhere and be successful.

That’s sort of not the point though. You have the money to get this for him. You let him apply. Your husband should have not played that game where you assume they won’t get in. That was a gamble he should be happy he lost.

Good point here. If your DH was going to push back this hard, the conversation should have happened PRIOR TO applying to Yale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

I mean, he's not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!

I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll

- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale

- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn

- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days

- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school

- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale

- no other kids, just this one

DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.

It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.

Thank you again for your input.

I mean, he's not wrong.

You're right--he's not wrong. There's just not enough of a difference in the quality of education or the ability level of the students.

I agree, though, with everyone who says the conversation about money should have happened well before applications were sent in, and that dad needs to let DS pick whichever school he wants, even if it's for the wrong reason. He'll be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

If he wants to go into law/business/consulting Yale is a no brainer. Your DH may become jealous of the doors Yale will open for your son though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to go into law/business/consulting Yale is a no brainer. Your DH may become jealous of the doors Yale will open for your son though

This is only partially correct.

If law, then undergraduate school does not matter.

If business, then matters for first options after undergrad, but does not matter re MBA school & post-MBA employment options.

If consulting, then Yale is the better option.

[Anonymous]

OP did you see the recent thread(sorry I don't have a link) about the rural first generation girl who got a full ride to Harvard and her dad was thinking of making her stay closer to home?

It might be worth reading that one (for you and your DH).

I know the difference is finances, but the underlying issue of a father potentially holding their kid back, is the parallel.

[Anonymous]

Your dh is risking his future relationship with his son. That is not worth the $140k price difference. This needs to be your son's decision, not his father's. It's good that you can see where your dh is coming from, but he needs to back down on this.

[Anonymous]

Try reframing this for your dh…..you started with very little, worked your a$$ off, and now you have a kid who got into a top school and you have the means to send them! An incredible success story that any parent can feel proud about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to go into law/business/consulting Yale is a no brainer. Your DH may become jealous of the doors Yale will open for your son though

This is only partially correct.

If law, then undergraduate school does not matter.

If business, then matters for first options after undergrad, but does not matter re MBA school & post-MBA employment options.

If consulting, then Yale is the better option.

If law, being at Yale is a big advantage. For quality of life and getting into law school... WAY less pressure to be #1 or similar in the class. Yale Law takes like 20 kids/year from Yale and maybe 1 from Penn State. Harvard is similar but with double the admits.

For opportunities... There are just so many at Yale and they're so easily offered. Want to RA for a famous Yale Law professor? Send him an email. He has a fund to pay undergrads to work for him that basically exists so that he can say yes cost-free. Want to spend a summer doing something somewhere? You can almost certainly get it paid for. Want a specific ridiculous club that doesn't exist? Well, it probably does, but... if it doesn't, there are a bunch of funds to get start up money from.

Overall, I really just cannot explain how much Yale gives you the feeling you can do anything you can imagine and how much that feeling sticks with you when you leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to go into law/business/consulting Yale is a no brainer. Your DH may become jealous of the doors Yale will open for your son though

This is only partially correct.

If law, then undergraduate school does not matter.

If business, then matters for first options after undergrad, but does not matter re MBA school & post-MBA employment options.

If consulting, then Yale is the better option.

If law, being at Yale is a big advantage. For quality of life and getting into law school... WAY less pressure to be #1 or similar in the class. Yale Law takes like 20 kids/year from Yale and maybe 1 from Penn State. Harvard is similar but with double the admits.

For opportunities... There are just so many at Yale and they're so easily offered. Want to RA for a famous Yale Law professor? Send him an email. He has a fund to pay undergrads to work for him that basically exists so that he can say yes cost-free. Want to spend a summer doing something somewhere? You can almost certainly get it paid for. Want a specific ridiculous club that doesn't exist? Well, it probably does, but... if it doesn't, there are a bunch of funds to get start up money from.

Overall, I really just cannot explain how much Yale gives you the feeling you can do anything you can imagine and how much that feeling sticks with you when you leave.

To that point - my dd at Yale got a nice chunk of change to fund work abroad this summer with an NGO. Then just today she got a second and a third grant. She’s gotta turn down one of them because it’s more money than she indicated she needed in her budget but kinda nice to feel like they’re throwing money at her. ( though to be fair we throw WAY more their way…)