feeling guilty that husband left church because of me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

Fundamentally she’s angry that the catholics won’t give her the sacraments of the eucharist and marriage (although they could give her this one if she accepted being barred from the former). But in her heart of hearts, she is rightfully incensed that her DH is failing to live up to his unequal yoke.

No, I received the sacraments elsewhere, so I not angry about being barred from them. I am angry at the poster who keeps insisting I "try" Catholic mass, knowing it's an empty gesture for a non-Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

At the beginning. These was over 10 years ago. We have not fought about it since, and I didn't even think about any of it until two weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

No, I have issues being denied the sacraments and being called a whore by DH's priest because we weren't married in his church. So yeah. No interested in the flavor of Christianity who thinks it's ok call someone a moron, thanks!

DP.
I feel it is worth pointing out that this “flavor of Christianity” didn’t call you that. Instead, one very bad representative of it did.
I had a teacher call me a b**** once. My school didn’t call me that.

Also, did he actually say that? And if so, I certainly hope you reported that to the Archdiocese.

I'm sure it never happened. OP is a troll who can't keep her story straight.

It nEvEr hApPeNeD To mE, sO ThE PoStEr mUsT Be a tRoLl.

As if there are priests that fiery and ultra-ultra-orthodox left in the dioceses in the 2010s-2020s! Plus, parish priests are so busy they would hardly have the time, knowledge, nor werewithal to call some random non-attending parishoner’s non catholic wife a “whore”, and ESPECIALLY NOT since a marriage between two baptized persons is already legit although irregular.

Two baptized non-Catholics. Not a non-Catholic and Catholic.

Also, we were married in 2008, convalidation talks where this took place happened in 2009.

You’re right, my bad. His marriage is invalid and continues to be. Why did you try convalidation talks? And how specificallly did the whore thing slip out?

I agreed because I honestly didn’t realize they didn’t consider us married. I didn’t realize I’d have to say vows again, and once I learned that, I realized what a mockery we’d be making of our wedding.

The whore thing…honestly, I don’t remember the details. And to be fair, I think he was using whore in the genre sense as someone in between Christ and His church, not toward me, but that’s difficult to see the difference in the moment.

It’s unfortunate, but this is precisely why the church discourages mixed marriage. With that being said, I can tell by your own sense of piety and conscience why you would feel a certain guilt but ultimately his falling away from the church is his burden not yours. What do you want besides to not feel guilty anymore? You say he’s a better Christian than ever before in your eyes?

A thought. You could do a truly Christian act of heroic virtue and submit to the Church’s teachings despite your feelings for the sake of your husband’s salvation if you genuinely feel that bad. Who knows, that may be a catalyst to spur him out of his present spiritual lethargy.

Otherwise, ruminating isn’t doing you any good and seems to be a sign of a lack of committing fully to one belief system. Either his soul is at stake or it isn’t.

I...have summitted to the Church's teachings.

But my scrupulosity is always telling me it's not enough.

[Anonymous]

This entire conversation is why I, a baptized and confirmed Catholic, happily attend Episcopalian services each week and baptized my child there. I was tired of showing up at church and being handed a list when I walked in reminding me of all the petty reasons why if I wasn’t perfectly up to date with a bunch of fiddly rules, I better not dare approach the altar, or take communion, or read prayers, etc. If the point is to bring people closer to God, if you keep finding ways to shun and shame them, it’s not going to go well. If someone wants to experience a bit of God, why are we making them feel “less than”. The churches in this area are bad - I have no idea how Arlington got to be so hardline. I am pretty convinced of Jesus came to earth today, He’d be tossing tables in the Vatican.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

Fundamentally she’s angry that the catholics won’t give her the sacraments of the eucharist and marriage (although they could give her this one if she accepted being barred from the former). But in her heart of hearts, she is rightfully incensed that her DH is failing to live up to his unequal yoke.

No, I received the sacraments elsewhere, so I not angry about being barred from them. I am angry at the poster who keeps insisting I "try" Catholic mass, knowing it's an empty gesture for a non-Catholic.

But you won’t sit through Mass because you can’t receive communion. And you won’t get your marriage convalidated in the church because you met a mean priest who used imagery in his speech but upheld catholic teaching on marriage. And you’re upset your MIL acknowledges the Catholic reality of you and your DH’s situation. You should talk to a priest about your scrupulosity, but your conscience is clearly inflamed right now for legit reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

Fundamentally she’s angry that the catholics won’t give her the sacraments of the eucharist and marriage (although they could give her this one if she accepted being barred from the former). But in her heart of hearts, she is rightfully incensed that her DH is failing to live up to his unequal yoke.

No, I received the sacraments elsewhere, so I not angry about being barred from them. I am angry at the poster who keeps insisting I "try" Catholic mass, knowing it's an empty gesture for a non-Catholic.

Fine. I suspect you’re angry at me, simply because I suggested you try compromising a bit. Perhaps your husband would feel comfortable going himself to Mass if you made a small, temporary gesture of support. I suppose your anger toward me means I somehow overstepped. (Note I NEVER suggested you should convert. Heck, I even defended you to others.)

YOU came here expressing guilt. I made a reasonable suggestion. If that brings out such rage in you, then you really are closed to any conversation. I’m not sure, then, why you posted here. If you wanted support and assurance, you actually had that from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

At the beginning. These was over 10 years ago. We have not fought about it since, and I didn't even think about any of it until two weeks ago.

OP, the fact that there were fights and you were the reason he stopped attending makes me view this differently. You should feel guilty. Whatever anyone’s interior spiritual life is, that is for them to discern on their own, not for you to strong arm them. OP, you won your fights. If you feel guilty, that’s on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Stop telling others what they believe. Anglicans of all flavors most certainly have mass.

What on earth. I’m Episcopalian - we have mass every week.

But we call it Holy Sacrament or Holy Communion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

Fundamentally she’s angry that the catholics won’t give her the sacraments of the eucharist and marriage (although they could give her this one if she accepted being barred from the former). But in her heart of hearts, she is rightfully incensed that her DH is failing to live up to his unequal yoke.

No, I received the sacraments elsewhere, so I not angry about being barred from them. I am angry at the poster who keeps insisting I "try" Catholic mass, knowing it's an empty gesture for a non-Catholic.

But you won’t sit through Mass because you can’t receive communion. And you won’t get your marriage convalidated in the church because you met a mean priest who used imagery in his speech but upheld catholic teaching on marriage. And you’re upset your MIL acknowledges the Catholic reality of you and your DH’s situation. You should talk to a priest about your scrupulosity, but your conscience is clearly inflamed right now for legit reasons.

My conscience is not inflamed. Would you like being called a whore when you waited for your wedding night? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

OK, but now he is saying that it is fine. Why don’t you just accept what he is telling you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Lutherans have the mass. So do Episcopalians. Catholics and the Orthodox do not have a monopoly on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

Fundamentally she’s angry that the catholics won’t give her the sacraments of the eucharist and marriage (although they could give her this one if she accepted being barred from the former). But in her heart of hearts, she is rightfully incensed that her DH is failing to live up to his unequal yoke.

No, I received the sacraments elsewhere, so I not angry about being barred from them. I am angry at the poster who keeps insisting I "try" Catholic mass, knowing it's an empty gesture for a non-Catholic.

But you won’t sit through Mass because you can’t receive communion. And you won’t get your marriage convalidated in the church because you met a mean priest who used imagery in his speech but upheld catholic teaching on marriage. And you’re upset your MIL acknowledges the Catholic reality of you and your DH’s situation. You should talk to a priest about your scrupulosity, but your conscience is clearly inflamed right now for legit reasons.

My conscience is not inflamed. Would you like being called a whore when you waited for your wedding night? I doubt it.

This whole thread is literally about you feeling guilty! You literally said the priest didn’t actually call you a whore! Ok maybe you are a troll after all LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you both go to mass together and try it out? What are you afraid of?

I'm not interested in going somewhere I can't fully participate. The Eucharist is meaningful to me, so skipping a week to sit at his church like a lump when I could be worshiping isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm totally ok if he goes, though.

Well, I see that you're just not willing to compromise or give an inch. Maybe you could go to just see what it's all about and then attend your own service. You don't believe in it so why would you want to fully participate anyway? Have you never attended a religious service for any of your other friends? Weddings? Funerals? Did you pout that you couldn't fully participate or did you attend to support these people in something that was meaningful to them?

No, the issue is that by attending his church, I am missing mine. Weddings and funerals aren't the same since they don't overlap my own worship. See the difference?

It's an hour out of your day. Most churches have multiple services. You wouldn't be missing anything.

That take place at roughly the same time of the week. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

No moron, many churches have mutlple services. You can go at 7, 9, 11, or 5pm the night before (Saturday) which is common in Catholic Churches. Check the church website, then pick a time and then attend your church at your favorite time. Are you always this difficult? But be real, you have no intention of doing this and are making up BS excuses that don't even make sense. You're scared you might actually like it.

This schedule isn’t common outside of Catholic churches , especially when it comes to Saturday services. You are looking at this through the view of one specific denomination.

DP.
I think the suggestion was that you could attend a Catholic service at an off-time, possibly freeing you up to attend your own service on Sunday morning.

OP, I wish you well. I read a ton of anger on this thread. I understand it, but from this outside perspective I see that it isn’t going to help you or your husband. I obviously don’t know you, but I wonder if attending both together for a couple of weeks would help spark some conversation.

Honestly, I wasn't angry until the continued suggestions (by a single Catholic, I suspect) that I attend Catholic mass. I've been over that for years. Just afraid I'm getting in the way of his own faith, and I do not want to do that, because I know how much the church and God and sacraments mean to me.

And as a non Catholic, I just don’t get it. You invite him to your church, where he can worship Jesus (and seems to be doing so - which in a Christian perspective means his salvation is assured). And you aren’t preventing him in any way from attending a Catholic Church, if that is what he prefers. He is an adult. He decides.

If the anger the OP has expressed here is also expressed in the home, then she is preventing him (in a way).

OP has said she is only angry at the suggestion that she attend a Catholic service which she is under no obligation to do (and it doesn’t appear that her husband is asking her, but rather a poster here).

Page 2. The OP states attending Mass or not has caused fights in their marriage.

At the beginning. These was over 10 years ago. We have not fought about it since, and I didn't even think about any of it until two weeks ago.

OP, the fact that there were fights and you were the reason he stopped attending makes me view this differently. You should feel guilty. Whatever anyone’s interior spiritual life is, that is for them to discern on their own, not for you to strong arm them. OP, you won your fights. If you feel guilty, that’s on you.

I wasn't clear. He stopped attending well before we got married, in college. Very cultural about it. When I learned our marriage wasn't valid and asked what we could do about it, he suggested we start going to church, then get it fixed. I didn't love the idea, he pushed, I pushed back, etc. We didn't attend anywhere for five years, then I started going again because I realized how I'd been to stop. So honestly, we both did it to each other, and I guess I regret it more than he does. Which is fine! I don't need him feeling guilty about those five years. But I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Guilt and anxiety.

But over WHAT exactly? This post makes no sense.

I guess it's like I said - I'm pretty devout, and being told I'm standing in the way of my spouse's salvation by leading him away is a tough pill to swallow. That's the honest truth.

Your husband is a grown ass adult. You are not “leading him away.” He is making decisions for himself. You really need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

OK, but now he is saying that it is fine. Why don’t you just accept what he is telling you?

A. Op is a troll making all this up

B. Op likes to use this to hold over her husband's head.