DH embarrassed by my outfit for bbq

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing OP said her DH did was make fun of her outfit. It's not clear if he refused to let her come to the party unless she changed, or if OP was pissed off at his bumblebee comment and refused to go to the party. The first scenario is abuse. The second scenario is super immaturity on OP's part.

I am surprised so many people are calling him abusive when OP's original facts are so lacking.

OP - we need more info.

Enough of your trolling!

There's absolutely nothing that can justify OP's husband mocking her outfit , having their children movk her outfit. Getting upset when she didn't change and then taking their kids and leaving because he didn't get his way.
That's abusive behavior period.

We don't excuse abusive behavior on DCUM so I suggest you go troll elsewhere.

If my DH's outfit looks absurd, like shirt too short and pants too low, I tell him I won't be seen with him, and our daughter mocks him too until he changes. Its because we care that he not embarass himself.

I just don't understand the double standard here. If you are a true feminist like me (I am a 3rd generation college educated mother, financially independent, and the bread winner of my home), well then it goes both ways. If I look like a bumble bee, I want to know too.

What double standard? I would never tell my H I won’t be seen with him, and I’d never tolerate our child mocking him. I would politely let him know if his pants were too low, but if he chooses to wear them, that’s his choice. It’s not my place to decide what is or isn’t embarrassing for him.

I don't walk on eggshells around my husband or worry about my place in the relationship. I speak my mind. And really, in these pandemic times, if any couples biggest argument was over a bumble bee outfit, you are a great couple.

There's a difference between speaking your mind and humiliating your partner. You're abusive. It's not surprising that you're all up in this thread trying to justify toxic and abusive behavior.

And then you pathetically try and justify your cruelty because of the pandemic.

But since you brought the pandemic up it's well known partner abuse increased so you've admitted you're an abuser.
I hope your husband gets a way from you and your kids learn that mommy is a sick person whose behavior is very wrong and don't repeat it.

[Anonymous]

If the critical behavior is new, he’s having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

Wow.

OP's husband flipped out ... "When DH saw me he flipped out" ... right there. That is NOT gentle ribbing about her outfit. His comment about her outfit was him "flipping out" and was no "we care about you" comment.
OP's husband mocked her by calling her an insect "He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”" and encouraged her sons to agree with him. Civilized people don't mock other people and we don't encourage others to mock other people. That is bullying.
OP's husband left without her basically saying he didn't want to be seen with somebody who made clothing choices that he didn't agree with.


Anybody telling her to compromise - NO. You don't compromise when you are being bullied and controlled for no good reason.
To those of you who suggest she was immature for not picking up the phone, I disagree, it sounds as if she was enforcing good boundaries and not talking to the person who was bullying her until she was ready. I think this was a mature decision.
To those of you who suggest she should have still gone to the party, that's a red herring and irrellevant. If she'd wanted to and had the money and access to an uber she could have. But maybe she didn't want to be seen with a contrilling bully, maybe she didn't want to risk a scene, maybe she just wanted to not be in public after that.


There is NO excuse for what her DH did. No reason to blame OP for anything. You are projecting.

[Anonymous]

Holy sh*t! My husband is very direct, and he would never say these things or act in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing OP said her DH did was make fun of her outfit. It's not clear if he refused to let her come to the party unless she changed, or if OP was pissed off at his bumblebee comment and refused to go to the party. The first scenario is abuse. The second scenario is super immaturity on OP's part.

I am surprised so many people are calling him abusive when OP's original facts are so lacking.

OP - we need more info.

Enough of your trolling!

There's absolutely nothing that can justify OP's husband mocking her outfit , having their children movk her outfit. Getting upset when she didn't change and then taking their kids and leaving because he didn't get his way.
That's abusive behavior period.

We don't excuse abusive behavior on DCUM so I suggest you go troll elsewhere.

If my DH's outfit looks absurd, like shirt too short and pants too low, I tell him I won't be seen with him, and our daughter mocks him too until he changes. Its because we care that he not embarass himself.

I just don't understand the double standard here. If you are a true feminist like me (I am a 3rd generation college educated mother, financially independent, and the bread winner of my home), well then it goes both ways. If I look like a bumble bee, I want to know too.

What double standard? I would never tell my H I won’t be seen with him, and I’d never tolerate our child mocking him. I would politely let him know if his pants were too low, but if he chooses to wear them, that’s his choice. It’s not my place to decide what is or isn’t embarrassing for him.

I don't walk on eggshells around my husband or worry about my place in the relationship. I speak my mind. And really, in these pandemic times, if any couples biggest argument was over a bumble bee outfit, you are a great couple.

There's a difference between speaking your mind and humiliating your partner. You're abusive. It's not surprising that you're all up in this thread trying to justify toxic and abusive behavior.

And then you pathetically try and justify your cruelty because of the pandemic.

But since you brought the pandemic up it's well known partner abuse increased so you've admitted you're an abuser.
I hope your husband gets a way from you and your kids learn that mommy is a sick person whose behavior is very wrong and don't repeat it.

He insisted that she change her outfit so it goes beyond humiliating, he is controlling. And he did it in front of the kids, appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

Wow.

OP's husband flipped out ... "When DH saw me he flipped out" ... right there. That is NOT gentle ribbing about her outfit. His comment about her outfit was him "flipping out" and was no "we care about you" comment.
OP's husband mocked her by calling her an insect "He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”" and encouraged her sons to agree with him. Civilized people don't mock other people and we don't encourage others to mock other people. That is bullying.
OP's husband left without her basically saying he didn't want to be seen with somebody who made clothing choices that he didn't agree with.


Anybody telling her to compromise - NO. You don't compromise when you are being bullied and controlled for no good reason.
To those of you who suggest she was immature for not picking up the phone, I disagree, it sounds as if she was enforcing good boundaries and not talking to the person who was bullying her until she was ready. I think this was a mature decision.
To those of you who suggest she should have still gone to the party, that's a red herring and irrellevant. If she'd wanted to and had the money and access to an uber she could have. But maybe she didn't want to be seen with a contrilling bully, maybe she didn't want to risk a scene, maybe she just wanted to not be in public after that.


There is NO excuse for what her DH did. No reason to blame OP for anything. You are projecting.

Dp Well said, pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing OP said her DH did was make fun of her outfit. It's not clear if he refused to let her come to the party unless she changed, or if OP was pissed off at his bumblebee comment and refused to go to the party. The first scenario is abuse. The second scenario is super immaturity on OP's part.

I am surprised so many people are calling him abusive when OP's original facts are so lacking.

OP - we need more info.

Enough of your trolling!

There's absolutely nothing that can justify OP's husband mocking her outfit , having their children movk her outfit. Getting upset when she didn't change and then taking their kids and leaving because he didn't get his way.
That's abusive behavior period.

We don't excuse abusive behavior on DCUM so I suggest you go troll elsewhere.

If my DH's outfit looks absurd, like shirt too short and pants too low, I tell him I won't be seen with him, and our daughter mocks him too until he changes. Its because we care that he not embarass himself.

I just don't understand the double standard here. If you are a true feminist like me (I am a 3rd generation college educated mother, financially independent, and the bread winner of my home), well then it goes both ways. If I look like a bumble bee, I want to know too.

So you would leave your dh behind because you didn't agree with an outfit? Hey, women can be controlling and abusive too! Congrats!

[Anonymous]

I understood the “stuffing your face” comment as “stop making noise while you eat, I am trying to understand what our 2 year old is saying”. While rude, it’s one thing to control food intake, another to ask wife to be quiet so they can hear the son.

As per OP, I think the husband was horrible in leaving without her in front of their kids. Why does he have the right to do that?! It’s really really bad, but this behavior does not come out of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing OP said her DH did was make fun of her outfit. It's not clear if he refused to let her come to the party unless she changed, or if OP was pissed off at his bumblebee comment and refused to go to the party. The first scenario is abuse. The second scenario is super immaturity on OP's part.

I am surprised so many people are calling him abusive when OP's original facts are so lacking.

OP - we need more info.

Enough of your trolling!

There's absolutely nothing that can justify OP's husband mocking her outfit , having their children movk her outfit. Getting upset when she didn't change and then taking their kids and leaving because he didn't get his way.
That's abusive behavior period.

We don't excuse abusive behavior on DCUM so I suggest you go troll elsewhere.

If my DH's outfit looks absurd, like shirt too short and pants too low, I tell him I won't be seen with him, and our daughter mocks him too until he changes. Its because we care that he not embarass himself.

I just don't understand the double standard here. If you are a true feminist like me (I am a 3rd generation college educated mother, financially independent, and the bread winner of my home), well then it goes both ways. If I look like a bumble bee, I want to know too.

.

It looks like a bumble bee to him, that’s simply a reflection of his taste, there was nothing inappropriate about it.

We actually had this situation happen recently. We were heading for vacation and among other things my husband bought a bright pink polo shirt. I hate the color of that shirt, I cracked a joke or two, but that was the extent of it. He wore it and enjoyed it. I would never humiliate my husband over the color of a shirt, force him to change or go to an event without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

+1

My DH had an outfit that reminded me of an all blue, shiney head to toe Grimace (McDonalds), and it made me die laughing whenever he put it on. I'd say omg, you look like Grimace, I can't let you go out like that!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

+1 everyone attacking the man but she seems just as out of order. He may not have been tactful with his way of saying it but she clearly got angry about it and couldn't even pick up the phone. I mean what if something bad happened to him or the kids but she wouldn't know because she's still mad about a silly comment. She clearly didn't want to spend time with the family, if she did she'd change or go to the party alone and meet them there. Instead she sat at home being mad and bashing him on dcum. Both parties sound like they have some growing up to do

You think your attitude is mature, but it's really just retro (and not in a good way).

NP. I don't assume what PP thought but agree that communication comes with maturity. I don't think that idea is retro but do think people don't mature as quickly now as they did even a couple generations ago. Maybe young adult maturity is becoming a retro idea....

As a generation X person this whole interaction seems very middle school level. I was always a bit behind socially growing up and wouldn't even act this way after high school. Not answering a phone call from a family member just wouldn't even be tolerated in the home, it didn't matter how angry you were about something that was said or done earlier. My generation and those older seem to care way less about what people think about them, often are more respectful and accepting of differences of opinions, and were raised with an idgaf attitude.

Like so what if he called you a bumble bee, big deal. I'd probably say yep buzz buzz and fly around the room or go to the kitchen and grab some aluminum foil. If he asked what I'm doing I'd tell him I'm making some antennas before we leave so I can show up in full costume. I'd ask him if he wanted me to make a set for him too so we could all match. Then even if he said no I'd make some for the kids and we would all play bees for 5 minutes and then go to the party together with the kids laughing about the fun they just had being silly as a family. He could join in the bee party or be grumpy, either way I would create a fun situation out of it for me and the kids.

In the rare event that my husband or anyone else said something that really bothered me to OPs level of anger my first line of defense is to call a parent or my best friend to complain. They will listen for a few minutes and may or may not agree with me. Either way is fine, but they help me talk through the situation and work through a solution or at least gain perspective from both sides. Then when I see that person again I usually just apologize for my part in the situation and move on with life.

If it was a recurring problem that really bothered me then I'd address it with that person directly but in general just try to let things like this go. Life is just too short. Holding grudges and expecting others to agree with you in mass definitely seems more a product of social media than anything else. I think this generation often spends more time in front of a screen than they do in real life interactions. They post their every move on social media and wait in anticipation of likes and affirmative comments. Back in the day talking about something like this and expecting others to agree would be considered gossipy and arrogant at best. Most people would just tell you that to your face too so you'd learn pretty quickly that different opinions existed and life doesn't revolve around you and your perspective. You learn pretty quickly to suck it up and move on and find ways to react to situations to make them better in the moment. That's part of what social maturity is, we just learned those lessons earlier in life 30 years ago.

Social media, being practically raised by computers, and lack of real life social interactions combined with fewer responsibilities and expectations growing up will change the rate of maturity and styles of communication. Like it or not this eventually effects things like marriage and family relationships. I don't know how old OP or DH are but agree with PP that communication styles appear immature. That's not said to be hurtful but just to offer a different perspective. I think some perspective and learning not to take yourself or life too seriously would do OP some good.

The way you respond to situations has more to do with the outcome and your own happiness in life than anything that is ever said or done to you. You can't control what others do or say but you can absolutely change how you choose to respond to it. Learn from these types of situations and create changes in how you choose to respond next time. Arguing and expecting someone else to change won't get you a different outcome but changing your perspective and response might.

I can’t believe how much you just wrote to say that you’re better than OP. You had problems in high school and you still do.

np yeah I’m not reading that whole essay but other posters are projecting their own experiences onto this. He made a “joke” and then took the kids and left when she told him she was wearing the yellow shirt. That’s some creepy and controlling behavior.

Ditto and I’m a Gen Xer. Gen X poster above appears sanctimonious at best - delusional at worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

+1

My DH had an outfit that reminded me of an all blue, shiney head to toe Grimace (McDonalds), and it made me die laughing whenever he put it on. I'd say omg, you look like Grimace, I can't let you go out like that!!!!

But do you see the difference between flipping out and kindly telling somebody that you can't let him go out like that??

I feel like the two aren't even related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing OP said her DH did was make fun of her outfit. It's not clear if he refused to let her come to the party unless she changed, or if OP was pissed off at his bumblebee comment and refused to go to the party. The first scenario is abuse. The second scenario is super immaturity on OP's part.

I am surprised so many people are calling him abusive when OP's original facts are so lacking.

OP - we need more info.

Enough of your trolling!

There's absolutely nothing that can justify OP's husband mocking her outfit , having their children movk her outfit. Getting upset when she didn't change and then taking their kids and leaving because he didn't get his way.
That's abusive behavior period.

We don't excuse abusive behavior on DCUM so I suggest you go troll elsewhere.

If my DH's outfit looks absurd, like shirt too short and pants too low, I tell him I won't be seen with him, and our daughter mocks him too until he changes. Its because we care that he not embarass himself.

I just don't understand the double standard here. If you are a true feminist like me (I am a 3rd generation college educated mother, financially independent, and the bread winner of my home), well then it goes both ways. If I look like a bumble bee, I want to know too.

Nice "attempt" at a humble brag.

Clearly such an accomplished 3rd generation, college educated, mother, financially independent bread winner never learned that you get more bees with honey.

I'd never have to resort to insulting my DH or THREATENING that I won't be seen with him, and I certainly wouldn't have to resort to having our child join in and mock him (mother of the year!) to get my husband to change.
All I would have to do is tell him that what he was wearing isn't the most flattering on him, and he has so many other shirts, pants, whatever that make him look great -- then I'd make a suggestion of what DOES look great on him.

Being a "true feminist" doesn't mean invalidating, emasculating or being inconsiderate of the men in your life.

It seems in all of your "accomplishments", positive communication isn't something you've ever learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

THIS