Now in early 40s, wish I had had another child

[Anonymous]

Any advice for helping an early 40s mother (still) regretting not having a third child?

When I asked my husband a few years ago if he wanted a third, he felt we shouldn’t - so we didn’t. I was sad, but we have a happy marriage, and I feel strongly that both parents should be aligned in how many children they have (acknowledging, of course, that surprises happen).

I know I must move on and, biologically, I have accepted it’s unwise for me to have another.

Grateful for any advice to help me feel whole, to accept this and move on.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kid now? I have two and the oldest is a high school senior. Seeing the price tags for colleges nowadays makes me VERY happy we didn’t go for a third.

[Anonymous]

Both kids are young (under 6). We started late.

[Anonymous]

It’s not too late for you to have another. Instead of trying to force yourself to accept not having one, lay out all the pros and cons. If you are still thinking of having another, you probably won’t be happy to not have it unless you found strong reasons not to have a third.

[Anonymous]

If your oldest child is 6 there’s still time to have a third.

[Anonymous]

Medical issues earlier on meant our first was born at that age.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess you don’t work. How old is your husband?

[Anonymous]

Parents of 3+ complain constantly about being outnumbered, how insanely busy they are, etc, as if it wasn’t their choice to have that many kids.

6 and under, you aren’t even in the busy years of constant soccer and ballet practices and school events and back to school nights and constant carpooling.

Enjoy the two you have!

[Anonymous]

How old are you? You can still have a third. I mean you started late.

Odds of genetic abnormalities increase as you know.

[Anonymous]

College costs for three is reason enough. Also your kids are close to the age where you can really have fun. Perimenopause will make you grumpy soon. You don't want a little one then.

[Anonymous]

I am 41 with a 3 year old and am exhausted! My oldest is 14 and I am a terrible mom compared to my early 30s. Low energy, low standards, short tempered. Ugh

[Anonymous]

If your kids are still little you really don’t know what’s ahead. It can get very hard in the teen years. Also, your next kid might not be like your current kids. Having multiples, having a kid with disabilities or serious illness—probably is not what you are imagining.

[Anonymous]

It’s biological and normal. Your body knows the window is closing. You’ll feel better in a few years.

The teen years are exhausting, even with very good kids and you’ll be glad there’s only two.

[Anonymous]

I love our family with three kids. I suspect you are too old for starting again but since you have two young kids, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. Talk it over with your spouse again before you rule it out forever.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 and love it. But is exhausting. I am 42 with a 11, 9 and 6 year old. I cannot fathom starting over again with a baby. I mean it’s doable but you will be 50 with a 10 year old. I am a decade younger and my 11 year old is giving me gray hair already.