Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

They're implying that women who place their kids in daycare or have a nanny or use a family member as a babysitter AREN'T raising their kids, and they're implying that fathers who work outside the home AREN'T raising their kids. It's nonsense. I'm not deeply offended by it, but I do think people who say things like that are 1) not smart and 2) rude jerks who don't know how to judge their audience and 3) insecure.

You’re making it about you. It’s not about you.

So if you say something and someone if offended by it (make it about something else, not children), then your take is, that's your problem for being offended?

When they say something about themselves, then why are you offended? It’s personal, that’s the point. Their choice about what works for them has nothing to do with you and yours.

Well, you can't argue with stupid. Not point in trying anymore. Enjoy your small world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

Nobody wishes they spent more time at work on their deathbed. It really bothers people here that some value other things more than chasing a paycheck. But that’s their problem, not mine.

dp.. 99% of the adult population needs to work to raise a child, and that might include you and your family.

That means someone needs to take care of the child, but it doesn't mean that the parent must spend 10+ hours a day at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read all the thread but YES!!!!! Very offended!! I would have given my left arm to be a SAHM but I couldn’t. Check your privilege.

If someone said this to you, you probably said something to deserve it. But nobody actually leads with this statement.

This is so disingenuous. There are posters who said just that and exactly that as their sole post, not in response to anything. Stop acting like SAHMs are only sh!tty when WOHMs say mean things first. I could show you hundreds of posts on here where that is not true.

On the flip side, I can show you nasty, unprovoked posts from WOHMs as well, but for you to claim that no SAHM would ever say something like this unless they were insulted first is beyond ridiculous.

Your opinion is worthless. it’s clear where the vitriol is coming from in here.

Yes, you're right. It's coming from people who think if you don't spend 24/7 with your kids then you don't raise them.

Funny you think that when a post just above it the the typical post in here calling people who stay home stupid and unemployable. Again, it’s clear where the vitriol is.

You think being called stupid and unemployable is more offensive than being told you didn't raise your children? Are you effing kidding me?

Who told you you aren’t raising your children? That’s you twisting this to make it about you. It’s not about you, it’s about them. I had someone tell me they could never breastfeed their kids because their breasts were a big part of their sex life and it was sexual to them. I breastfed my kids. But I didn’t care that my friend made a different choice because it wasn’t about me. You sound like a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

They're implying that women who place their kids in daycare or have a nanny or use a family member as a babysitter AREN'T raising their kids, and they're implying that fathers who work outside the home AREN'T raising their kids. It's nonsense. I'm not deeply offended by it, but I do think people who say things like that are 1) not smart and 2) rude jerks who don't know how to judge their audience and 3) insecure.

You’re making it about you. It’s not about you.

So if you say something and someone if offended by it (make it about something else, not children), then your take is, that's your problem for being offended?

When they say something about themselves, then why are you offended? It’s personal, that’s the point. Their choice about what works for them has nothing to do with you and yours.

Well, you can't argue with stupid. Not point in trying anymore. Enjoy your small world.

I’m not the one insecure about my choices, angry, and name calling. I’m doing fine. You? Eh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an acceptable reason for someone to say they decided to stay ay home? It’s all offensive to someone.

First of all, no one asks anyone WHY they stay at home. That's just something someone said to stir the pot. And well done, I guess.

Second of all, it's not all offensive. You can say you wanted to be with your kids all day. That's fine, and I'm assuming the truth. Saying you didn't want someone else to RAISE your kids is inflammatory and if you are too stupid to see that I don't know what to do for you.

People do ask. Especially if you had a decent career before hand. A lot of people ask instinctively because it's not something they even considered so it's surprising to them. I got people who literally just said "what? why?" when I told them I'd quit to stay home for a bit.

People are also baffled and ask other questions that reflect their misunderstanding of why people do this and how it works. I had one friend who asked me "So do you just like take the baby to classes and stuff all the time?" She was thinking of like mommy and me classes -- music and swim and movement. I explained that no that wasn't a big part of our schedule and that having done a couple of them I found they were mostly just for the adults (to meet other moms) and I already had other friends so it seemed like a waste of time and money.

So she kept asking "then what do you do all day?" It was very confusing to her how I was filling my time. She went to an office and worked and that was her frame -- she couldn't imagine what I could be doing. In her mind it sounded very passive. Like I must have just been sitting around while the baby just laid there I guess? It was interesting hearing her describe what she thought it must be like. It makes you realize what people think their nannies and daycares are doing all day and that's eyeopening.

And then when I did actually explain what I was doing there was strong resistance to it -- like no you can't actually be doing that or no there's no way that fills your time. Again it's just this narrow outlook and refusal to accept information that might disrupt it. She was very committed to the idea that my life must be very dull and unproductive. When I'd talk about what I was doing either for my DC or for myself or for my community there was a lot of defensiveness. Even though I didn't mean any of it as an indictment of her choices. I was answering questions she had asked. But she asked them believing she knew the answers (that I was bored and that I wasn't doing anything and that my child wasn't benefitting in any way) and when I answered in ways that upended those beliefs she was frustrated and annoyed.

Similar to the vibe on this thread. A lot of people cling to this belief that SAHMs are dumb and boring and that caring for children is easy and uninteresting. This belief is very closely tied to how they think about their own lives and choices. It's fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an acceptable reason for someone to say they decided to stay ay home? It’s all offensive to someone.

First of all, no one asks anyone WHY they stay at home. That's just something someone said to stir the pot. And well done, I guess.

Second of all, it's not all offensive. You can say you wanted to be with your kids all day. That's fine, and I'm assuming the truth. Saying you didn't want someone else to RAISE your kids is inflammatory and if you are too stupid to see that I don't know what to do for you.

People do ask. Especially if you had a decent career before hand. A lot of people ask instinctively because it's not something they even considered so it's surprising to them. I got people who literally just said "what? why?" when I told them I'd quit to stay home for a bit.

People are also baffled and ask other questions that reflect their misunderstanding of why people do this and how it works. I had one friend who asked me "So do you just like take the baby to classes and stuff all the time?" She was thinking of like mommy and me classes -- music and swim and movement. I explained that no that wasn't a big part of our schedule and that having done a couple of them I found they were mostly just for the adults (to meet other moms) and I already had other friends so it seemed like a waste of time and money.

So she kept asking "then what do you do all day?" It was very confusing to her how I was filling my time. She went to an office and worked and that was her frame -- she couldn't imagine what I could be doing. In her mind it sounded very passive. Like I must have just been sitting around while the baby just laid there I guess? It was interesting hearing her describe what she thought it must be like. It makes you realize what people think their nannies and daycares are doing all day and that's eyeopening.

And then when I did actually explain what I was doing there was strong resistance to it -- like no you can't actually be doing that or no there's no way that fills your time. Again it's just this narrow outlook and refusal to accept information that might disrupt it. She was very committed to the idea that my life must be very dull and unproductive. When I'd talk about what I was doing either for my DC or for myself or for my community there was a lot of defensiveness. Even though I didn't mean any of it as an indictment of her choices. I was answering questions she had asked. But she asked them believing she knew the answers (that I was bored and that I wasn't doing anything and that my child wasn't benefitting in any way) and when I answered in ways that upended those beliefs she was frustrated and annoyed.

Similar to the vibe on this thread. A lot of people cling to this belief that SAHMs are dumb and boring and that caring for children is easy and uninteresting. This belief is very closely tied to how they think about their own lives and choices. It's fascinating.

SAHM here. Some people are boring and uninteresting. Having a job does not make someone more interesting. It really depends what kind of job. These women who think they are somehow above and beyond because they have a flexible work from home job is laughable. Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

Yep you're showing your true colors on what you think in these mommy wars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

Yep you're showing your true colors on what you think in these mommy wars.

Pp here. I was a working mom. I missed many firsts of my children and my kid would ask me why I didn’t come to his party at school and made me feel awful. I couldn’t make it to all of them. I hated all the parties and events in the middle of the day.

I was only responding to the woman who seemed to not mind or care. Many moms do care, including me.

[Anonymous]

I just think anyone who is confident in her choice to either work or stay home doesn't really care or judge what everyone else is doing. If you have a strong opinion about someone else's choices, you probably need to examine your own. Many of these posts are absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read all the thread but YES!!!!! Very offended!! I would have given my left arm to be a SAHM but I couldn’t. Check your privilege.

If someone said this to you, you probably said something to deserve it. But nobody actually leads with this statement.

This is so disingenuous. There are posters who said just that and exactly that as their sole post, not in response to anything. Stop acting like SAHMs are only sh!tty when WOHMs say mean things first. I could show you hundreds of posts on here where that is not true.

On the flip side, I can show you nasty, unprovoked posts from WOHMs as well, but for you to claim that no SAHM would ever say something like this unless they were insulted first is beyond ridiculous.

Your opinion is worthless. it’s clear where the vitriol is coming from in here.

Yes, you're right. It's coming from people who think if you don't spend 24/7 with your kids then you don't raise them.

Funny you think that when a post just above it the the typical post in here calling people who stay home stupid and unemployable. Again, it’s clear where the vitriol is.

You think being called stupid and unemployable is more offensive than being told you didn't raise your children? Are you effing kidding me?

Who told you you aren’t raising your children? That’s you twisting this to make it about you. It’s not about you, it’s about them. I had someone tell me they could never breastfeed their kids because their breasts were a big part of their sex life and it was sexual to them. I breastfed my kids. But I didn’t care that my friend made a different choice because it wasn’t about me. You sound like a narcissist.

EUW
i could have happily lived my whole life without this information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I have personally missed nothing I wanted to go to. Since I my first was 1 I chose remote or hybrid roles and flexed my work around things that were important to me to attend. This is true of the vast majority of moms I know. work is not prison. I know the idea that what you just said is true makes you happy but it's not. The only mom I know who missed everything (and btw her kid gives zero fs and actually seems annoyed when she does show up) is the head of oncology at a major cancer center so i for one am ok with her skipping out on the kids singing twinkle twinkle for the 5th time intersposed with wet coughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read all the thread but YES!!!!! Very offended!! I would have given my left arm to be a SAHM but I couldn’t. Check your privilege.

If someone said this to you, you probably said something to deserve it. But nobody actually leads with this statement.

This is so disingenuous. There are posters who said just that and exactly that as their sole post, not in response to anything. Stop acting like SAHMs are only sh!tty when WOHMs say mean things first. I could show you hundreds of posts on here where that is not true.

On the flip side, I can show you nasty, unprovoked posts from WOHMs as well, but for you to claim that no SAHM would ever say something like this unless they were insulted first is beyond ridiculous.

Your opinion is worthless. it’s clear where the vitriol is coming from in here.

Yes, you're right. It's coming from people who think if you don't spend 24/7 with your kids then you don't raise them.

Funny you think that when a post just above it the the typical post in here calling people who stay home stupid and unemployable. Again, it’s clear where the vitriol is.

You think being called stupid and unemployable is more offensive than being told you didn't raise your children? Are you effing kidding me?

Who told you you aren’t raising your children? That’s you twisting this to make it about you. It’s not about you, it’s about them. I had someone tell me they could never breastfeed their kids because their breasts were a big part of their sex life and it was sexual to them. I breastfed my kids. But I didn’t care that my friend made a different choice because it wasn’t about me. You sound like a narcissist.

EUW
i could have happily lived my whole life without this information.

I think the only reason I remember this information was because well 1) it was odd and 2) a few years later she got breast cancer and had a double mastectomy so I couldn’t help remembering this conversation. I obviously never reminded her or asked her what it would mean going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

But it’s not “priceless” to her.

The price is her husbands salary.

If he wants those “priceless” memories they’ll be taking place in a homeless shelter.

The price is another person’s labor sufficient to cover you and all other dependents. Let’s not pretend it’s free.