Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

Nobody wishes they spent more time at work on their deathbed. It really bothers people here that some value other things more than chasing a paycheck. But that’s their problem, not mine.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

That’s an interpretation

Another interpretation is the person is too stupid to work

There are tons of interpretations

None are actually “being offended”.

I’m not offended when someone says the world is flat I just think their stupid

I stayed home when my kids were 0-2, put them in a part time play school at 2, and then school at 3. I'm also a journalist and author and worked 10-15 hrs a week during that time, but I did all the SAHM mom things because I felt it was important.

Do you know who I became friends with in the neighborhood, what other SAHM moms I found? A Rhodes Scholar, and a woman with a phD from an ivy league school. All of use are working now, but we stayed home very intentionally in the early years.

Ivy League grads are more likely to stay home:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/apr/21/female-ivy-league-graduates-stay-home-moms

Yet you are too stupid to recognize a hyperbole to prove a point.

Go back take some time and read.

Also, remember the law of diminishing returns for IQ I know Ivy educated people who are unemployable or very very underemployed so yea stay home already,

I'm the one who made that post, my first time checking in. Again, all these women are working again... They just took 0-2 or 0-3 off to care for their kids because they did think it was important.

I really wish our whole society supported that (as MANY other societies do). Change the norms and the supports for parents of very young children, and watch this whole argument disappear.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read all the thread but YES!!!!! Very offended!! I would have given my left arm to be a SAHM but I couldn’t. Check your privilege.

If someone said this to you, you probably said something to deserve it. But nobody actually leads with this statement.

This is so disingenuous. There are posters who said just that and exactly that as their sole post, not in response to anything. Stop acting like SAHMs are only sh!tty when WOHMs say mean things first. I could show you hundreds of posts on here where that is not true.

On the flip side, I can show you nasty, unprovoked posts from WOHMs as well, but for you to claim that no SAHM would ever say something like this unless they were insulted first is beyond ridiculous.

Your opinion is worthless. it’s clear where the vitriol is coming from in here.

Yes, you're right. It's coming from people who think if you don't spend 24/7 with your kids then you don't raise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is an acceptable reason for someone to say they decided to stay ay home? It’s all offensive to someone.

First of all, no one asks anyone WHY they stay at home. That's just something someone said to stir the pot. And well done, I guess.

Second of all, it's not all offensive. You can say you wanted to be with your kids all day. That's fine, and I'm assuming the truth. Saying you didn't want someone else to RAISE your kids is inflammatory and if you are too stupid to see that I don't know what to do for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that way very strongly for myself and my own experience, but it's absolutely a horrible thing to say to someone and I never would have. It's just being rude to be rude, and on a very sensitive topic. Anyone who says that is an ass.

So your husband doesn't raise your kids?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read all the thread but YES!!!!! Very offended!! I would have given my left arm to be a SAHM but I couldn’t. Check your privilege.

If someone said this to you, you probably said something to deserve it. But nobody actually leads with this statement.

This is so disingenuous. There are posters who said just that and exactly that as their sole post, not in response to anything. Stop acting like SAHMs are only sh!tty when WOHMs say mean things first. I could show you hundreds of posts on here where that is not true.

On the flip side, I can show you nasty, unprovoked posts from WOHMs as well, but for you to claim that no SAHM would ever say something like this unless they were insulted first is beyond ridiculous.

Your opinion is worthless. it’s clear where the vitriol is coming from in here.

Yes, you're right. It's coming from people who think if you don't spend 24/7 with your kids then you don't raise them.

Funny you think that when a post just above it the the typical post in here calling people who stay home stupid and unemployable. Again, it’s clear where the vitriol is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

They're implying that women who place their kids in daycare or have a nanny or use a family member as a babysitter AREN'T raising their kids, and they're implying that fathers who work outside the home AREN'T raising their kids. It's nonsense. I'm not deeply offended by it, but I do think people who say things like that are 1) not smart and 2) rude jerks who don't know how to judge their audience and 3) insecure.

You’re making it about you. It’s not about you.

So if you say something and someone if offended by it (make it about something else, not children), then your take is, that's your problem for being offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an acceptable reason for someone to say they decided to stay ay home? It’s all offensive to someone.

First of all, no one asks anyone WHY they stay at home. That's just something someone said to stir the pot. And well done, I guess.

Second of all, it's not all offensive. You can say you wanted to be with your kids all day. That's fine, and I'm assuming the truth. Saying you didn't want someone else to RAISE your kids is inflammatory and if you are too stupid to see that I don't know what to do for you.

So you are inflamed by someone saying something that isn’t true? Why such an emotional reaction then?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

DP. You are working so hard to build and defeat these straw men, just because actually engaging with the actual argument is so scary.

My DH missed out DD's first steps and he still talks about how sad he was to not be there. It's been a decade. To him it is some comfort that I was there for those firsts and made sure to involve him as well as I could so they weren't just happening with a nanny or at a daycare. He feels real pride that we could live on his salary alone during those years so that DD could be with a parent instead of paid care.

Your husband needs therapy. My kids are 10 and a half, so it's been just under a decade and I can't remember their first steps even though I was there for them. Sounds like maybe he's not thrilled with the life you have set up or he has some sort of crippling anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one, and I mean no one, denigrates working. What we do is question the realities of daycare.

I don't think you can even hear yourself. It's stunning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

They're implying that women who place their kids in daycare or have a nanny or use a family member as a babysitter AREN'T raising their kids, and they're implying that fathers who work outside the home AREN'T raising their kids. It's nonsense. I'm not deeply offended by it, but I do think people who say things like that are 1) not smart and 2) rude jerks who don't know how to judge their audience and 3) insecure.

You’re making it about you. It’s not about you.

So if you say something and someone if offended by it (make it about something else, not children), then your take is, that's your problem for being offended?

When they say something about themselves, then why are you offended? It’s personal, that’s the point. Their choice about what works for them has nothing to do with you and yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

I used to always ask men if they were going to quit their jobs when they announced spouses, partners being pregnant. Everyone acted like I was nuts. Then I would sincerely apologize and just explain that everyone asked me that so I thought it was a normal, social-type question. I stopped doing it after a while because people got really offended! Like, why would I quit my job, are you nuts? Well, I guess it’s fine to ask me despite all my years of education and career-building.

No one asked me if I was going to quit my job when I got pregnant. I don't know any of my working mom friends who were asked either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read all the thread but YES!!!!! Very offended!! I would have given my left arm to be a SAHM but I couldn’t. Check your privilege.

If someone said this to you, you probably said something to deserve it. But nobody actually leads with this statement.

This is so disingenuous. There are posters who said just that and exactly that as their sole post, not in response to anything. Stop acting like SAHMs are only sh!tty when WOHMs say mean things first. I could show you hundreds of posts on here where that is not true.

On the flip side, I can show you nasty, unprovoked posts from WOHMs as well, but for you to claim that no SAHM would ever say something like this unless they were insulted first is beyond ridiculous.

Your opinion is worthless. it’s clear where the vitriol is coming from in here.

Yes, you're right. It's coming from people who think if you don't spend 24/7 with your kids then you don't raise them.

Funny you think that when a post just above it the the typical post in here calling people who stay home stupid and unemployable. Again, it’s clear where the vitriol is.

You think being called stupid and unemployable is more offensive than being told you didn't raise your children? Are you effing kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an acceptable reason for someone to say they decided to stay ay home? It’s all offensive to someone.

First of all, no one asks anyone WHY they stay at home. That's just something someone said to stir the pot. And well done, I guess.

Second of all, it's not all offensive. You can say you wanted to be with your kids all day. That's fine, and I'm assuming the truth. Saying you didn't want someone else to RAISE your kids is inflammatory and if you are too stupid to see that I don't know what to do for you.

So you are inflamed by someone saying something that isn’t true? Why such an emotional reaction then?

I'm not inflamed at all. I'm just shocked at the stupidity of someone who doesn't think they can answer the question in an unoffensive way. They're clearly not very bright.

[Anonymous]

This is a judgement about women not the family - my husband stays home with our kids and i still get the "raise my kids" comment, rather take fancy vacations than be with my kids and other rude comments. I missed some things unequivocally but me working was best for my family and once i got more senior i actually had a lot more flexibility than if i had gone mommy track. we need to stop judging other women who make different choices