Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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Reply to "Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is an acceptable reason for someone to say they decided to stay ay home? It’s all offensive to someone.[/quote]

First of all, no one asks anyone WHY they stay at home. That's just something someone said to stir the pot. And well done, I guess.

Second of all, it's not all offensive. You can say you wanted to be with your kids all day. That's fine, and I'm assuming the truth. Saying you didn't want someone else to RAISE your kids is inflammatory and if you are too stupid to see that I don't know what to do for you. [/quote]

People do ask. Especially if you had a decent career before hand. A lot of people ask instinctively because it's not something they even considered so it's surprising to them. I got people who literally just said "what? why?" when I told them I'd quit to stay home for a bit.

People are also baffled and ask other questions that reflect their misunderstanding of why people do this and how it works. I had one friend who asked me "So do you just like take the baby to classes and stuff all the time?" She was thinking of like mommy and me classes -- music and swim and movement. I explained that no that wasn't a big part of our schedule and that having done a couple of them I found they were mostly just for the adults (to meet other moms) and I already had other friends so it seemed like a waste of time and money.

So she kept asking "then what do you do all day?" It was very confusing to her how I was filling my time. She went to an office and worked and that was her frame -- she couldn't imagine what I could be doing. In her mind it sounded very passive. Like I must have just been sitting around while the baby just laid there I guess? It was interesting hearing her describe what she thought it must be like. It makes you realize what people think their nannies and daycares are doing all day and that's eyeopening.

And then when I did actually explain what I was doing there was strong resistance to it -- like no you can't actually be doing that or no there's no way that fills your time. Again it's just this narrow outlook and refusal to accept information that might disrupt it. She was very committed to the idea that my life must be very dull and unproductive. When I'd talk about what I was doing either for my DC or for myself or for my community there was a lot of defensiveness. Even though I didn't mean any of it as an indictment of her choices. I was answering questions she had asked. But she asked them believing she knew the answers (that I was bored and that I wasn't doing anything and that my child wasn't benefitting in any way) and when I answered in ways that upended those beliefs she was frustrated and annoyed.

Similar to the vibe on this thread. A lot of people cling to this belief that SAHMs are dumb and boring and that caring for children is easy and uninteresting. This belief is very closely tied to how they think about their own lives and choices. It's fascinating.[/quote]

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