Parents of Black Children, Please Let Me Know Your Thoughts

[Anonymous]

We are looking at two houses in Montgomery County - 20878 area code and would like to put in an offer soon. Love both houses equally but one has better curb appeal and a bit more square footage. However, for the slightly more appealing house, when looking at demographic stats for the zoned elementary school, it has very few Black students enrolled. For the other house, the stats for Black students are much higher - more than double the other school. At both schools, however, the highest demographic is Asian, followed by White/Caucasian.

So my question is - how much would these demographics concern you when looking for a school? My older kid is coming from an elementary school where the proportion of demographics was pretty even across the board, so it’s not really something we had to think about before, although I will say most of their close friend were Black. Have you found it easy for your child to socialize - i.e., play dates, etc.? Has race been an issue at all for your kid - less concerns about us as parents but more concerned for our kids (age 6 going into 2nd grade next year) and (age 4 going into kindergarten year after next).

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I think this almost 100 percent depends on HOW you grew up. I grew up with very few white people, BUT I grew up in a large enough area (Chicago) where there was a pocket of black wealth. So didn't correlate "the whiter areas" with better opportunities or nicer schools/houses because we had our own upper middle class culture/areas. My husband grew up in a smaller area in Ohio and in order to access a decent high school education he went to a majority white Jesuit high school. We BOTH had great upbringings and loved our communities but we have very different ideals on how important diversity is. He didn't mind being one of the few black kids but his sister REALLY struggled with it. I think gender can make a difference here too. My "gut" is to always stay with our people though if I had to make a quick black and white (no pun intended) decision.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to name the schools so we can give you useful feedback. So much of the experience and culture at schools varies within MCPS.

Also note: there’s an elementary boundary study coming your kids’ schools could change in the near future.

[Anonymous]

There's a couple of factors related to this.

The first and foremost is if your income level would somewhat match the rest of the area and likewise what are the family income levels of the other Black families in the area.

Then it's also what is the education and professional backgrounds of all of the families.

And exactly what are the percentage differences we are talking about and percentages in general?

As well as how old are your kids.

Kind of like previous poster, demographics was the leading factor in us in picking a place to live. Any school that had less then 20 percent was off the list for us. Anything less then 20 percent is practically nonexistent to me. As well as any school with a clear majority of one race. Especially in a place as diverse as Montgomery County, there should be no need to settle for less around here.

I was a little bit displeased to find out that there were instances of the N word being used by the students in the community shortly after we moved there. As well as other cases throughout the years. Although one of the cases was supposedly by a Black student, which is one of the reasons why you want to make sure your kids grow up in an area where they feel comfortable and empowered. Don't know if it was the case for that student or if they were just using it as regular slang, but you mainly want to make sure that they don't grow up to be a self hater.

[Anonymous]

Kids mirror environments and peers. Pick them carefully

[Anonymous]

We faced this dilemma when we moved from Silver Spring to Potomac. I have three girls and we moved for better schools and I would do it again. I don't think there was much of a real racial dynamic in my oldest's (we moved during third grade) friend groups and she integrated well when moving in ES. Over time, she became self conscious because her preferred friend group was pretty girly and she became quite conscious of her hair. One girl even had a 'hair salon' birthday party. In sixth grade, one of the teachers moved her to the back of the room because others couldn't see around her hair. That kind of thing. My other two kids have different personalities and I think were much less conscious about this/it seems not to have come up much, or at least they didn't report it.

My second kid did face some racial issues in ES-- it was really just one unhappy kid who was targeting lots of people for whatever issue she could come up with so while it was racial taunts at my kid, it was other types of bullying for other kids.

Over time, though, two things happened. First, the schools became a bit more diverse moving into MS and HS. So you might look at that. If this is just an ES issue, I wouldn't think twice about it, frankly. As my kids moved into MS and especially HS, their friend group became much more Black. They still have a diverse set of friends, but there were definitely more Black kids included in their inner circle.

The other thing that happened, though, and I think it's related, is that going into MS and especially HS, race became front and center of a lot of the discourse. Like, the kids TALK about race a lot. In our society today, much more than I remember growing up, people just talk a lot more about race. And all three of them talked about being uncomfortable with those conversations in HS because they were in the minority. Things like teachers asking them (not in so many words but clearly in spirit) to represent the Black perspective. Lots of conversations in history and english classes where they felt like other kids in the class were looking at them. (Remarkably, all three of them said that kids in their US history class speculated about how much they would have brought at a slave auction. I think there must be a part of the class where they talk about shade of complexion as one of the inputs into the price of the slave and all three said that set kids in their class thinking.) One plays sports and says kids on OTHER teams have yelled slurs (which is a different thing that what you're asking) but that their own coach didn't really handle it well maybe due to inexperience-- she felt like the coach didn't protect them.

So I don't have good advice. In all, 1. I'm happy my kids went to better performing schools than they otherwise would have. 2. I think the kid's personality might matter a lot in terms of how sensitive they are to certain things. 3. As an ES parent, you're probably overly focused on ES dynamics and demographics and that's a short time and less of a big deal I think. Look at the MS and HS experiences. 4. Over time, all three of their friend groups became much more Black. Not just because the HS was more diverse than the ES but I think because the emphasis on race and other social dynamics nudged them in that direction as they grew older.

[Anonymous]

Where do you see performance stats by race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We faced this dilemma when we moved from Silver Spring to Potomac. I have three girls and we moved for better schools and I would do it again. I don't think there was much of a real racial dynamic in my oldest's (we moved during third grade) friend groups and she integrated well when moving in ES. Over time, she became self conscious because her preferred friend group was pretty girly and she became quite conscious of her hair. One girl even had a 'hair salon' birthday party. In sixth grade, one of the teachers moved her to the back of the room because others couldn't see around her hair. That kind of thing. My other two kids have different personalities and I think were much less conscious about this/it seems not to have come up much, or at least they didn't report it.

My second kid did face some racial issues in ES-- it was really just one unhappy kid who was targeting lots of people for whatever issue she could come up with so while it was racial taunts at my kid, it was other types of bullying for other kids.

Over time, though, two things happened. First, the schools became a bit more diverse moving into MS and HS. So you might look at that. If this is just an ES issue, I wouldn't think twice about it, frankly. As my kids moved into MS and especially HS, their friend group became much more Black. They still have a diverse set of friends, but there were definitely more Black kids included in their inner circle.

The other thing that happened, though, and I think it's related, is that going into MS and especially HS, race became front and center of a lot of the discourse. Like, the kids TALK about race a lot. In our society today, much more than I remember growing up, people just talk a lot more about race. And all three of them talked about being uncomfortable with those conversations in HS because they were in the minority. Things like teachers asking them (not in so many words but clearly in spirit) to represent the Black perspective. Lots of conversations in history and english classes where they felt like other kids in the class were looking at them. (Remarkably, all three of them said that kids in their US history class speculated about how much they would have brought at a slave auction. I think there must be a part of the class where they talk about shade of complexion as one of the inputs into the price of the slave and all three said that set kids in their class thinking.) One plays sports and says kids on OTHER teams have yelled slurs (which is a different thing that what you're asking) but that their own coach didn't really handle it well maybe due to inexperience-- she felt like the coach didn't protect them.

So I don't have good advice. In all, 1. I'm happy my kids went to better performing schools than they otherwise would have. 2. I think the kid's personality might matter a lot in terms of how sensitive they are to certain things. 3. As an ES parent, you're probably overly focused on ES dynamics and demographics and that's a short time and less of a big deal I think. Look at the MS and HS experiences. 4. Over time, all three of their friend groups became much more Black. Not just because the HS was more diverse than the ES but I think because the emphasis on race and other social dynamics nudged them in that direction as they grew older.

Its sad you are ignoring the fact that your child was unhappy and it sounds like you just told them to deal with it as ratings and social standing are more important to you than anything.

[Anonymous]

You don't want to be the token anything in a school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you see performance stats by race?

You can look at performance stats by race across the system and by school on Maryland's Report Card website: https://reportcard.msde.maryland.gov/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We faced this dilemma when we moved from Silver Spring to Potomac. I have three girls and we moved for better schools and I would do it again. I don't think there was much of a real racial dynamic in my oldest's (we moved during third grade) friend groups and she integrated well when moving in ES. Over time, she became self conscious because her preferred friend group was pretty girly and she became quite conscious of her hair. One girl even had a 'hair salon' birthday party. In sixth grade, one of the teachers moved her to the back of the room because others couldn't see around her hair. That kind of thing. My other two kids have different personalities and I think were much less conscious about this/it seems not to have come up much, or at least they didn't report it.

My second kid did face some racial issues in ES-- it was really just one unhappy kid who was targeting lots of people for whatever issue she could come up with so while it was racial taunts at my kid, it was other types of bullying for other kids.

Over time, though, two things happened. First, the schools became a bit more diverse moving into MS and HS. So you might look at that. If this is just an ES issue, I wouldn't think twice about it, frankly. As my kids moved into MS and especially HS, their friend group became much more Black. They still have a diverse set of friends, but there were definitely more Black kids included in their inner circle.

The other thing that happened, though, and I think it's related, is that going into MS and especially HS, race became front and center of a lot of the discourse. Like, the kids TALK about race a lot. In our society today, much more than I remember growing up, people just talk a lot more about race. And all three of them talked about being uncomfortable with those conversations in HS because they were in the minority. Things like teachers asking them (not in so many words but clearly in spirit) to represent the Black perspective. Lots of conversations in history and english classes where they felt like other kids in the class were looking at them. (Remarkably, all three of them said that kids in their US history class speculated about how much they would have brought at a slave auction. I think there must be a part of the class where they talk about shade of complexion as one of the inputs into the price of the slave and all three said that set kids in their class thinking.) One plays sports and says kids on OTHER teams have yelled slurs (which is a different thing that what you're asking) but that their own coach didn't really handle it well maybe due to inexperience-- she felt like the coach didn't protect them.

So I don't have good advice. In all, 1. I'm happy my kids went to better performing schools than they otherwise would have. 2. I think the kid's personality might matter a lot in terms of how sensitive they are to certain things. 3. As an ES parent, you're probably overly focused on ES dynamics and demographics and that's a short time and less of a big deal I think. Look at the MS and HS experiences. 4. Over time, all three of their friend groups became much more Black. Not just because the HS was more diverse than the ES but I think because the emphasis on race and other social dynamics nudged them in that direction as they grew older.

OMG🤯

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I appreciate all of the thoughtful contributions.❤️

[Anonymous]

I personally would go with the more diverse of the two. That demographic you describe is insular, has a rat race mentality, and look down their nose at lower performers and lower performing groups, to be very honest. I would not want to subject my kids to that, even being in that group you are speaking of.

But maybe the area you are looking at is not like that.

[Anonymous]

RHS has a good reputation for minority students.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what the right decision is in your case. But these are some things to consider:

-For girls, having black friends will matter espevially as they get older and start going through phases of realizing that their hair and bodies can be different from others around them.
- Many children will end up grouping by academic performance, parents' educational level and income. So if you want your kids to have black friends in school, consider the demographics of the black students at their schools.
- If you end up not feeling satisfied with the number of black friends at their schools, consider extracurriculars, church, etc.