Is this deliberate or what is going on?

[Anonymous]

My spouse has always been a work addict and flakey in the house and with the kids. Nothing has helped and he lashes out if any concern or question is expressed by me or the kids.

But this last weekend was at a fever pitch rate of dumb stuff. I don’t know what to do. This is unsustainable and perhaps he’s doing this on purpose?

What the “solution”, he asks, as he tells me not to get mad or hurt, that nothing is ever his fault, that I am the bad guy who shouldn’t bring this up, nothing matters.

What’s the solution to him:
never making the bed;
not turning the gas stove off,
leaving his huge shoes in the kitchen walkway, avoiding all parenting/ disciplining of the children,
not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly,
lying about collecting all hampers for laundry,
leaving food & grease & debris all over the kitchen & table,
never reading his emails/texts from the school or coaches or doctor or kid activities,
not putting his wife’s legal name on a flight booking, and
never identifying needs or taking care of your house & property?

And this was only the last 48 hours!
What the solution to this??!??

I am bogged down with the middle schoolers, spring break packing, my job, sports tryouts, summer camp & plans. And the day to day (games, parties, shopping, homework help, seasonal stuff), which he also neglects. And if he is asked to do some weekend task, or suddenly has a surge to do a chore finally, the above happens!

What’s the ”solution” for this?

And that’s not even the non-basic stuff — the planning, guidance, reliability, and emotional support everyone expects from an adult with kids.

Yes we have a nanny/housekeeper after school.

[Anonymous]

There's no solution if he doesn't want to change. Up to you to decide if you can keep living like this.

[Anonymous]

The solution is always to have one child so as to not have to rely on spouse. Making him pay for household help is another one. No you won’t make him an organized, responsible adult. He hates you and your nagging

[Anonymous]

The solution is to stop being so rigid about things. For example, "not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly." What does this even mean? Do you have some mentality where you supervise to be sure he does things "properly."

You have a man who's tired of being henpecked. Maybe examine yourself. You sound exhausting.

[Anonymous]

ADHD. No solution. Get rid of him.

[Anonymous]

I feel like there’s a different version of this post every day on this forum. I’m not discounting you at all. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The solution is to stop being so rigid about things. For example, "not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly." What does this even mean? Do you have some mentality where you supervise to be sure he does things "properly."

You have a man who's tired of being henpecked. Maybe examine yourself. You sound exhausting.

NP. It means he mindlessly washed or rinsed the pan and when someone goes to put it away they feel grease all over one or more side.
Or he put the non greasy plates into the greasy pan, haphazardly washed them, and everything needs to be rewashed before the grease spreads again to more clean dishes.

[Anonymous]

Send him back to his Mommy.

[Anonymous]

Please explain why you had kids with this child

[Anonymous]

I honestly think phone/dopamine addiction has ruined all of our brains.

And therefore, he only does what he believes is essential, and then goes back to numbing himself into a stupor.

Now you know how he really views you.

[Anonymous]

It tickles me that people who are so overwhelmed have time to write these long, complaining posts. There are hundreds of them here.

[Anonymous]

Divorce that man.

[Anonymous]

these are not big things they're just stupid yet you have time to write this whole thing up and take notes over the weekend. Your wound very tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It tickles me that people who are so overwhelmed have time to write these long, complaining posts. There are hundreds of them here.

I think she should give the post to him and a psychologist and figure out wth is happening.

It’s a list of facts and patterns. Can’t argue with it.

Ironic that he’s dumping on his wife again to find a solution. What an @$$. Maybe he wants a divorce, and acting like a degenerate is the easiest and laziest way for him to get that going. Plus the bonus of he will try to be the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has always been a work addict and flakey in the house and with the kids. Nothing has helped and he lashes out if any concern or question is expressed by me or the kids.

But this last weekend was at a fever pitch rate of dumb stuff. I don’t know what to do. This is unsustainable and perhaps he’s doing this on purpose?

What the “solution”, he asks, as he tells me not to get mad or hurt, that nothing is ever his fault, that I am the bad guy who shouldn’t bring this up, nothing matters.

What’s the solution to him:
never making the bed;
not turning the gas stove off,
leaving his huge shoes in the kitchen walkway, avoiding all parenting/ disciplining of the children,
not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly,
lying about collecting all hampers for laundry,
leaving food & grease & debris all over the kitchen & table,
never reading his emails/texts from the school or coaches or doctor or kid activities,
not putting his wife’s legal name on a flight booking, and
never identifying needs or taking care of your house & property?

And this was only the last 48 hours!
What the solution to this??!??

I am bogged down with the middle schoolers, spring break packing, my job, sports tryouts, summer camp & plans. And the day to day (games, parties, shopping, homework help, seasonal stuff), which he also neglects. And if he is asked to do some weekend task, or suddenly has a surge to do a chore finally, the above happens!

What’s the ”solution” for this?

And that’s not even the non-basic stuff — the planning, guidance, reliability, and emotional support everyone expects from an adult with kids.

Yes we have a nanny/housekeeper after school.

Firstly, the bolded don’t matter. Let them go.

Second, it sounds like he’s drowning (yes, yes I’m sure you are too) which is why he lied about the laundry because he knows you see him as the enemy and not a member of the team.

Take a break. Take a 2 hour walk with him, hire a sitter if you have to, and approach him with softness.
Good luck.