Is this deliberate or what is going on?

[Anonymous]

Kids should be doing their own laundry. I assugned each one a day of the week to use the washer and dryer.

[Anonymous]

He is on drugs.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t your nanny and housekeeper take care of the laundry, greasy dishes and clutter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It tickles me that people who are so overwhelmed have time to write these long, complaining posts. There are hundreds of them here.

Exactly. Shut her up and get that slave back to work fixing his mistakes! How dare she stop and reflect on the dire patterns and big picture.

[Anonymous]

Well, you said he's always been like this. And yet you chose to marry him. And you chose to have a kid with him. And then you chose to have more kids with him. I'm not sure why it took you this long to figure out it's unsustainable. IMO, he won't change, so you have to decide whether you can live like this or not. Maybe a solution would be to outsource more/hire more help.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like early onset dementia, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is on drugs.

He needs different ones, that’s for sure.
He’s really dropping the ball and delusional.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. My xH was like this. Unfortunately the only solution was to divorce. I’m much, much happier now.

And funny enough, his place is clean and tidy. For whatever reason, these men are perfectly capable, yet when a woman enters the picture they suddenly stop.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you don’t want divorce, especially if in a state that forces 50-50.
Just adjust your expectations and put your kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously you don’t want divorce, especially if in a state that forces 50-50.
Just adjust your expectations and put your kids first.

He has clearly checked out since the kids arrived and cannot handle adulting.
Seems like now it’s too much to do everything plus deal with his mishaps all the time.

So market and sell the house yourself, divorce, and let him do his Peter Pan Disney dad time undermining the kids’ development. Please get them in therapy since he will try to parentify them and use them as he has with you. They need to know how to set firm boundaries with a taker like him, and not date or marry one themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has always been a work addict and flakey in the house and with the kids. Nothing has helped and he lashes out if any concern or question is expressed by me or the kids.

But this last weekend was at a fever pitch rate of dumb stuff. I don’t know what to do. This is unsustainable and perhaps he’s doing this on purpose?

What the “solution”, he asks, as he tells me not to get mad or hurt, that nothing is ever his fault, that I am the bad guy who shouldn’t bring this up, nothing matters.

What’s the solution to him:
never making the bed;
not turning the gas stove off,
leaving his huge shoes in the kitchen walkway, avoiding all parenting/ disciplining of the children,
not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly,
lying about collecting all hampers for laundry,
leaving food & grease & debris all over the kitchen & table,
never reading his emails/texts from the school or coaches or doctor or kid activities,
not putting his wife’s legal name on a flight booking, and
never identifying needs or taking care of your house & property?

And this was only the last 48 hours!
What the solution to this??!??

I am bogged down with the middle schoolers, spring break packing, my job, sports tryouts, summer camp & plans. And the day to day (games, parties, shopping, homework help, seasonal stuff), which he also neglects. And if he is asked to do some weekend task, or suddenly has a surge to do a chore finally, the above happens!

What’s the ”solution” for this?

And that’s not even the non-basic stuff — the planning, guidance, reliability, and emotional support everyone expects from an adult with kids.

Yes we have a nanny/housekeeper after school.

Why does he keep wearing huge shoes?

So everyone can trip on them when he leaves them out.

Maybe the kids can join in with their shoes too! Cool! Dad is so fun, shoes all over the place!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The solution is to stop being so rigid about things. For example, "not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly." What does this even mean? Do you have some mentality where you supervise to be sure he does things "properly."

You have a man who's tired of being henpecked. Maybe examine yourself. You sound exhausting.

NP. It means he mindlessly washed or rinsed the pan and when someone goes to put it away they feel grease all over one or more side.
Or he put the non greasy plates into the greasy pan, haphazardly washed them, and everything needs to be rewashed before the grease spreads again to more clean dishes.

Her entire list is a litany of complaints about HOW he does things. I promise you to the degree he's doing things "deliberately" it's because he's fed up with feeling criticized. It's a common dynamic. Especially if OP is Type A.

There's an old expression: You can ask someone to do something or tell them HOW to do it. Do both and you're asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. My xH was like this. Unfortunately the only solution was to divorce. I’m much, much happier now.

And funny enough, his place is clean and tidy. For whatever reason, these men are perfectly capable, yet when a woman enters the picture they suddenly stop.

Yeah, it's the henpecked phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

Ask him what he thinks is the solution. He’s trying to dump this on you.

Does he have ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The solution is to stop being so rigid about things. For example, "not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly." What does this even mean? Do you have some mentality where you supervise to be sure he does things "properly."

You have a man who's tired of being henpecked. Maybe examine yourself. You sound exhausting.

NP. It means he mindlessly washed or rinsed the pan and when someone goes to put it away they feel grease all over one or more side.
Or he put the non greasy plates into the greasy pan, haphazardly washed them, and everything needs to be rewashed before the grease spreads again to more clean dishes.

Her entire list is a litany of complaints about HOW he does things. I promise you to the degree he's doing things "deliberately" it's because he's fed up with feeling criticized. It's a common dynamic. Especially if OP is Type A.

There's an old expression: You can ask someone to do something or tell them HOW to do it. Do both and you're asking for trouble.

Dude, he does things like $hit. I’d be worried it’s only a matter of time before he loses his job.

Glad the house didn’t spark and explode with the nat gas on all night in the kitchen.