Husband pressuring me for a third child
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Anonymous
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My youngest child just turned 1 and the oldest is 3.5. My husband and I are both 39. He works extremely long hours as a lawyer and we live in a city far away from family support for his job. I do 95% of childcare and running the household. This didn't change even when the second child came along- when my husband wasn't at work he was at his rugby club or out with friends. He has improved but still cannot be relied upon to be around to help on a consistent basis.
Having this second child has nearly broken me and I've barely made it through the first year of her life. Pregnancy was extremely hard on my body and I was diagnosed with postpartum depression at 3 months postpartum. I have had no time for therapy and I tried medication but the side effects were too much for me. I've pulled through and I feel better mentally now but it was very difficult there for a while. I also had a TFMR for my first pregnancy due to a diagnosis incompatible with life. I have concerns that another pregnancy may lead to a similar outcome seeing as genetic abnormalities become more common as the parents get older. My husband is also somewhat anti abortion so I can see that if we have another pregnancy with severe health issues he may insist on keeping it. There's no way I want a third child but my husband wants one because he wants to have a big family and more siblings, cousins etc for the kids and their kids. Im concerned if I give him a hard no it will lead to long term resentment. But I fear having a third child will break me. Im not sure how to handle this situation- any dcum wisdom greatly appreciated! |
Anonymous
| Don’t do it OP. The world does not center on his wants and preferences. |
Anonymous
| If you suffered from Postpartum Depression after your last child was born then most doctors wouldn’t recommend having another child biologically. 😔 |
Anonymous
| He sounds awful. |
Anonymous
| Can you get childcare help and both see a counselor? He may need to hear from a neutral party that a third child isn’t going to happen. Phrase it obliquely like “Let’s talk about this with a counselor.” |
Anonymous
This. He can't be bothered to be around but he wants more kids? How about he focuses on spending time with the kids he has instead. |
Anonymous
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Serious question Was you husband aware of any of the long list of issues you experienced? If he was then he wouldn’t be nagging for a third. Plus he’s never around? You have a major husband problem. The answer is no though. |
Anonymous
| I'm guessing you have a somewhat traditional marriage where you defer to your husband a lot? And he can do whatever he wants but you have to ask his permission? Because no one would think having a 3rd child would be a good idea. And most people wouldn't need to ask for other opinions. |
Anonymous
| Out with friends?? That is not okay when you have young kids, especially when you are never home, and ESPECIALLY when your wife is really struggling. He sounds like a narcissist. |
Anonymous
| Why does he want a third child when he can’t be bothered to spend time with the ones he already has? Is this a case of having only girls and he wants a boy? |
Anonymous
| The answer is no |
Anonymous
| Just have one. |
Anonymous
| Not only does it sound like you don’t have a desire for a third child, but it actually sounds like having a third child would have a considerable negative effect on your quality of life, which, in turn, would negatively impact the quality of life for your first two children. You would be crazy to entertain the idea. Be honest with your dh. Tell him exactly what you’ve shared here, and that for those reasons, your answer is no. If you feel differently in a year, you can always broach the subject again, but don’t give him any false hope that you might change your mind. Don’t act like you’re waffling on the issue when you’re not. |
Anonymous
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Make sure your birth control is solid.
Then say you’re willing to try once things calm down but now you’re overwhelmed. Do you work? It sounds like you’re a SAHM and his life didn’t really change after kids because you absorbed all the physical and emotional labor. |
Anonymous
Why would she say that? |