Is it normal not to love your elderly parent who is not abusive or mean?

[Anonymous]

I have to see my father every week because he lives so close. He was a pretty good dad and he is a nice old man rn. He doesn’t need much help, and physical help isn’t the problem. It’s just that I don’t want to see him or talk to him, not in an angry way, but I just don’t care.
He is a stereotypical old man, stuck in the past. There aren’t any interesting thoughts coming out of him (at least I haven’t heard any in the past couple of years since he moved closer to me).
He has nothing in common with his teen grandson.
I feel so bad when he says he loves me or misses me, because I don’t. When I think about having to see him weekly for another decade (he is 80 and in good health) I get so depressed.
I don’t know what to do about it, I guess I’m just venting.
Maybe there are others who feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you can't watch TV together, take a walk, talk about nice current events or share a meal?

My wonderful dad died last year. He was sick and in pain for the last three years of his life. . I wish I had ten more years with him.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he reminds you that (soon enough) you will be an old man too..

[Anonymous]

I mean not really, no. Some people are closer or have warmer relationships than others but what you’re describing abt someone who is “nice” and was a good dad seems pretty unusual. Not criticizing you btw as it sounds pretty bleak for you as well. Are you sure you aren’t depressed or burnt out?

[Anonymous]

You probably hate the responsibility more than him now that he has moved closer.

Have some grace, OP. One day it will be you. Model the relationship you hope to have with your DC with your Dad.

[Anonymous]

No, what you describe isn't normal, OP. You don't sound like a very nice person, not very empathetic, sensitive, or intelligent.

Your poor dad.

[Anonymous]

Wow. As someone who's father passed away before we got to meet, you sound very selfish, ungrateful and shallow. I hope you're not filled with regret when you actually grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean not really, no. Some people are closer or have warmer relationships than others but what you’re describing abt someone who is “nice” and was a good dad seems pretty unusual. Not criticizing you btw as it sounds pretty bleak for you as well. Are you sure you aren’t depressed or burnt out?

I honestly don’t know about burn out. I do enjoy other relationships in my life.
My dad is nice enough but I guess cognitively declined enough to not be an exciting conversation partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably hate the responsibility more than him now that he has moved closer.

Have some grace, OP. One day it will be you. Model the relationship you hope to have with your DC with your Dad.

I am trying to learn my lessons. My first priority is to stay current and not stuck in the past.
My DC only sees that I do help my dad and visit him, he isn’t privy to my feelings towards him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. As someone who's father passed away before we got to meet, you sound very selfish, ungrateful and shallow. I hope you're not filled with regret when you actually grow up.

I mean it’s easy to idealize someone you haven’t met

[Anonymous]

My dad died of alcoholism when I was 14. My parents divorced when I was about 4 and my mom did her best to convince me he was a worthless, untrustworthy, lying, loser. Then shipped me off to his house every other weekend. I hated it. I had no room, nothing there, no bed, nothing. It was awful. Then the summer I turned 14 it occurred to me that maybe my mom was wrong. I made a concerted effort to spend the evenings talking to my dad instead of trying to avoid him or spend as little time with him as possible. I learned a lot about him that summer. Two months later he was dead and I was so so so glad I took the time to try and get to know him a little.

My advice to you—get to know your dad. Play card games or whatever and just talk. Record his stories or have him write them down. Get to know your grandparents through his stories. Ask him about Xmas traditions, what school was like, changes in technology. He’s not saying anything interesting because you’re not asking anything interesting.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a sociopath. Do you think he was tired of reading Hop on Pop for the 200th time? Do you think he might have been a wee bit bored of your Scooby Doo fixation? And you can’t be positive about a once a week visit.

I would cut off my arm if I could see my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles just ONE more time.

[Anonymous]

I understand you. Since your dad moved closer to you, he has nothing else going on in his life and has become your "problem" and obligation. You're most likely his only close social interaction. You feel that you're expected to be his everything, while you have your own family and activities and don't want to be all that. It's important for old people to keep their own activities and friendships. Unfortunately for some of us, our parents choices are such that there are no friendships left and suddenly their adult children are expected to fill all the empty holes in their lives. Whose idea was it for him to move close to you?

[Anonymous]

You are selfish and likely a poor conversationalist as well.

[Anonymous]

No, it is not normal.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a personality disorder? You should see a doctor.