I still seek closure

[Anonymous]

In process for divorce due to infidelity, he never confessed. I thought I didnt care as he looked plenty guilty and I had solid evidence (I told him the facts but didnt show him). His AP is still working with him, I didnt expose as I didnt want to affect his work. Still hoping for closure...will this feeling ever go away?

[Anonymous]

Closure is not exposure or punishment of those you perceive to be guilty, OP. If you're looking for those, you'll be unhappy all your life. Closure means you accept what happened, and move on. Do not think about him or his affair partner. They do not matter in your life.

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP - in a similar boat and she was an employee of ours and a dear friend of mine. The closure is that they showed me exactly who they were. They will not give you what you are looking for, especially if he is not confessing - they prob don't think they did anything wrong. I am so sorry. EMDR therapy has really helped me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP - in a similar boat and she was an employee of ours and a dear friend of mine. The closure is that they showed me exactly who they were. They will not give you what you are looking for, especially if he is not confessing - they prob don't think they did anything wrong. I am so sorry. EMDR therapy has really helped me.

THIS

I'm so sorry, OP, and I know you want your husband not to be the person he is, but I would work on coming to terms with that in order to free yourself. It's not easy, it will take time, and there will be setbacks, but just keep reminding yourself that that's who he is.

[Anonymous]

Going through the same. My ex had a 3 year affair beginning when we had a 2yo and I was pregnant with our second and lasting til the kids were 5 and 2.5. O kept the affair private as I didnt want to affect his job (he got a dui and lost it anyway) and I didnt want the kids to suffer from gossip about their dad or hear anything about him.

I found out about the affair Jan 2022. He moved out 18 months ago and divorce is almost finalized. I organically met and have been dating someone wonderful. I just found out that on Christmas Eve, in a large group of mutual friends and family, he was talking negatively about me dating and saying I couldn't even wait until the ink was dry, its clear where my priorities are, alluding to me prioritizing that over my kids (I see my boyfriend 2x per month on my non kid days only).

It cut so deep that hes out there portraying me as the bad guy when he was in a full blown double life for 3 years.

[Anonymous]

I'm still looking for ... something. I'm not sure it's closure in the traditional sense. I can tell you that I think it looks like becoming more and more certain that at the moment I discovered infidelity, he become boring and irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same. My ex had a 3 year affair beginning when we had a 2yo and I was pregnant with our second and lasting til the kids were 5 and 2.5. O kept the affair private as I didnt want to affect his job (he got a dui and lost it anyway) and I didnt want the kids to suffer from gossip about their dad or hear anything about him.

I found out about the affair Jan 2022. He moved out 18 months ago and divorce is almost finalized. I organically met and have been dating someone wonderful. I just found out that on Christmas Eve, in a large group of mutual friends and family, he was talking negatively about me dating and saying I couldn't even wait until the ink was dry, its clear where my priorities are, alluding to me prioritizing that over my kids (I see my boyfriend 2x per month on my non kid days only).

It cut so deep that hes out there portraying me as the bad guy when he was in a full blown double life for 3 years.

You should out him. Why let him paint you as a villain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same. My ex had a 3 year affair beginning when we had a 2yo and I was pregnant with our second and lasting til the kids were 5 and 2.5. O kept the affair private as I didnt want to affect his job (he got a dui and lost it anyway) and I didnt want the kids to suffer from gossip about their dad or hear anything about him.

I found out about the affair Jan 2022. He moved out 18 months ago and divorce is almost finalized. I organically met and have been dating someone wonderful. I just found out that on Christmas Eve, in a large group of mutual friends and family, he was talking negatively about me dating and saying I couldn't even wait until the ink was dry, its clear where my priorities are, alluding to me prioritizing that over my kids (I see my boyfriend 2x per month on my non kid days only).

It cut so deep that hes out there portraying me as the bad guy when he was in a full blown double life for 3 years.

Maybe you actually should be prioritizing your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same. My ex had a 3 year affair beginning when we had a 2yo and I was pregnant with our second and lasting til the kids were 5 and 2.5. O kept the affair private as I didnt want to affect his job (he got a dui and lost it anyway) and I didnt want the kids to suffer from gossip about their dad or hear anything about him.

I found out about the affair Jan 2022. He moved out 18 months ago and divorce is almost finalized. I organically met and have been dating someone wonderful. I just found out that on Christmas Eve, in a large group of mutual friends and family, he was talking negatively about me dating and saying I couldn't even wait until the ink was dry, its clear where my priorities are, alluding to me prioritizing that over my kids (I see my boyfriend 2x per month on my non kid days only).

It cut so deep that hes out there portraying me as the bad guy when he was in a full blown double life for 3 years.

Maybe you actually should be prioritizing your kids?

Oh look, the cheating ex found this thread!

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand women who "protect" their cheating ex by not divulging an affair. Just tell the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same. My ex had a 3 year affair beginning when we had a 2yo and I was pregnant with our second and lasting til the kids were 5 and 2.5. O kept the affair private as I didnt want to affect his job (he got a dui and lost it anyway) and I didnt want the kids to suffer from gossip about their dad or hear anything about him.

I found out about the affair Jan 2022. He moved out 18 months ago and divorce is almost finalized. I organically met and have been dating someone wonderful. I just found out that on Christmas Eve, in a large group of mutual friends and family, he was talking negatively about me dating and saying I couldn't even wait until the ink was dry, its clear where my priorities are, alluding to me prioritizing that over my kids (I see my boyfriend 2x per month on my non kid days only).

It cut so deep that hes out there portraying me as the bad guy when he was in a full blown double life for 3 years.

Maybe you actually should be prioritizing your kids?

What are your kids doing right now? Maybe you should prioritize them since apparently that's all a mother is ever allowed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand women who "protect" their cheating ex by not divulging an affair. Just tell the truth.

They're protecting themselves and their children from gossip and drama, as well as potential real safety concerns from an angry ex-husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same. My ex had a 3 year affair beginning when we had a 2yo and I was pregnant with our second and lasting til the kids were 5 and 2.5. O kept the affair private as I didnt want to affect his job (he got a dui and lost it anyway) and I didnt want the kids to suffer from gossip about their dad or hear anything about him.

I found out about the affair Jan 2022. He moved out 18 months ago and divorce is almost finalized. I organically met and have been dating someone wonderful. I just found out that on Christmas Eve, in a large group of mutual friends and family, he was talking negatively about me dating and saying I couldn't even wait until the ink was dry, its clear where my priorities are, alluding to me prioritizing that over my kids (I see my boyfriend 2x per month on my non kid days only).

It cut so deep that hes out there portraying me as the bad guy when he was in a full blown double life for 3 years.

Maybe you actually should be prioritizing your kids?

What are your kids doing right now? Maybe you should prioritize them since apparently that's all a mother is ever allowed to do.

To be sure, any divorced dad who posts here is told to prioritize his kids, too.

[Anonymous]

Therapy and time should assist
Try hard at simply moving on.

[Anonymous]

It’s tough especially when one is above 50…the AP is 43