How did you tell your spouse the marriage is over? Especially if abuse was present??

[Anonymous]

I'm someone who hates faking my happiness or even just that nothing is wrong.

I can't do anything for the rest of the year because of the holidays. But I'm getting so antsy to just put this all out there with my spouse. It's just not the right time.

Especially because I need to move important documents and hopefully get a job lined up first.

But once you were ready, how did you announce it? Were you located somewhere else for fear of retaliation?

I appreciate any insight..

[Anonymous]

Physical abuse? Verbal/emotional abuse?
Are there kids?

If there’s physical abuse, have a plan to stay elsewhere immediately after telling them. Tell them in a quiet place out in public somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Throw yourself into work and keep busy with projects.

I don’t know your situation at all but PSA:
Disagreements or different communication styles does not equal emotional abuse

[Anonymous]

Move into a friend or family members home, and have a lawyer serve the papers. No need for any direct communication beyond that point.

If you feel you must communicate (eg kids, if you forgot stuff in the house), simply grey rock. You're leaving, you're done, you're moving on, that's all he needs to know. Details will be handled through your attorney.

[Anonymous]

Is there ever a “right” time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physical abuse? Verbal/emotional abuse?
Are there kids?

If there’s physical abuse, have a plan to stay elsewhere immediately after telling them. Tell them in a quiet place out in public somewhere.

OP here.

Definitely emotional and anger issues. We have young kids 😞

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throw yourself into work and keep busy with projects.

I don’t know your situation at all but PSA:
Disagreements or different communication styles does not equal emotional abuse

OP here.

Yes, I'm aware. We're beyond disagreements at this point.

My work are my kids, as I am the primary parent 100% of the time. A big reason why I've been unhappy for a while. He doesn't help or pay attention to any of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move into a friend or family members home, and have a lawyer serve the papers. No need for any direct communication beyond that point.

If you feel you must communicate (eg kids, if you forgot stuff in the house), simply grey rock. You're leaving, you're done, you're moving on, that's all he needs to know. Details will be handled through your attorney.

OP here.

I recently learned what grey rocking is and I've been using that method. I'm beginning to not react to his snide comments anymore.

I appreciate your reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever a “right” time?

OP here.

Gosh, ain't that the truth..

[Anonymous]

Just divorce.
Why do you need to announce or discuss the obvious ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physical abuse? Verbal/emotional abuse?
Are there kids?

If there’s physical abuse, have a plan to stay elsewhere immediately after telling them. Tell them in a quiet place out in public somewhere.

OP here.

Definitely emotional and anger issues. We have young kids 😞

What about things easy to not call physical abuse like throwing things, hitting walls, or breaking things?

If anger issues, then make that plan to get out. Seriously. Separation is the most dangerous time. I know this from experience.

I know how hard it is to make a safety plan with kids, but call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, get pointed to a local hotline, and they will spend time talking through it with you. Or ask friends or nearby family. You need a plan, even if you don't execute it.

[Anonymous]

If there's abuse and you have concerns about your safety, you need to speak to a domestic abuse hotline and talk to them. Leaving is one of the most dangerous times during an abuse situation.

[Anonymous]

Plan everything, move out, leave a letter saying call my lawyer with it five biz days. Have temp custody or child support terms in that lawyer letter too.

Photograph everything at and in the house before you leave.

Get a restraining order as needed.

Try to mediate by appealing to his work ego and image.

[Anonymous]

Have a bigger male friend with you if you ever have to go back to house or when moving out (ie when spouse is at work or in a biz trip)

[Anonymous]

I left, under the guise of staying at a girlfriend’s for a couple of days. (This involved international travel - I had to get out as I did not have residency or the right to work and was essentially trapped.) I told him when I got where I was going, back in our home country.