BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
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Anonymous
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I’ve been dating a great guy for 3 months. He’s exactly what I want in every way except we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually.
Part of the issue is I’m older and very experienced, while he’s younger and from what I gather quite inexperienced. I don’t know if he’s uncomfortable with what I want or just shy, but it all feels very vanilla for me. Not that he’s not trying, but even just a bit of dirty talk once in awhile seems like a challenge for him. Anyone been through this? I adore the guy and want to make it work. I’ve been thinking of signing up for some online classes, although I don’t know if that will just freak him out more. |
Anonymous
| Dirty talk? Grow up. |
Anonymous
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Signing up for online classes?
What?!? |
Anonymous
| I would break up with him. He's great, but if sex is important to you, you have to break up. Sexual compatiblility is a big deal and causes so many problems in long term relationships! If it's not there, better to break it off early. |
Anonymous
| If he's not into it, he's not into it. I'm kinkier than DH. There are some things I like that he's not into/comfortable with so I gave those up. Other things he learned to enjoy because he knows I like it. All the other things about DH made giving up those sex things worth it and I've had no regrets in the 20 years we've been together. |
Anonymous
Lol, so he was raised to be a nice guy and now you want him to playact? He probably feels ridiculous. You might be able to coax it out of him if you are encouraging about it over a longer period of time. He may get used to saying whatever you want to hear. |
Anonymous
| OP: He may not be as in to you as you are to him sexually. |
Anonymous
| OP-remember this is the rest of your life (well that’s the hope) when you get married. If something as important as sex isn’t working I promise it doesn’t get better as time goes on. So many people think it’s not a big deal because there are so many other great things about the person. But remember if you are frustrated now-you will only be more frustrated as time goes on. Break up with him. There are so many people in this world-find someone who gives you what you want. |
Anonymous
+1 WTF |
Anonymous
| He’s not into it and or you. You can’t fix or change that. Move on. |
Anonymous
This would be weird AF and if I ever was dating someone who suggested i’d be out so fast. |
Anonymous
Older woman and younger man does not work long term so there’s no point in “wanting to make it work”. Enjoy what you have until he’s ready to move on. |
Anonymous
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Can you clarify what you mean by signing up for online classes?
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Anonymous
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"He’s exactly what I want in every way except..." Then he's not exactly what you want. You need to accept that nobody is going to be, or cut this one loose and keep looking for Mr. Perfect.
"I don’t know if he’s uncomfortable with what I want or just shy..." If you can't have this conversation, that's a you problem, especially since you consider yourself "older and more experienced". Use that maturity and have a conversation "...it all feels very vanilla for me. Not that he’s not trying, but even just a bit of dirty talk once in awhile seems like a challenge for him." Did you try specifically asking for what you want? I'm guessing not, as your post is full of guesswork and assumptions. Bro probably doesn't need an online class (and I'm joining the WTF chorus on that one), just a partner who can clearly articulate her needs and wants without being an emasculating, judgmental bag of B. Also? You sound supremely boring in bed. Dirty talk is fine, but if you need it to get off, well, find someone whose fetishes match your own or expand your sexual repertoire, Ms. Allegedly Experienced. |
Anonymous
| You shouldn’t be having sex with him if you’re not married to him |