BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a great guy for 3 months. He’s exactly what I want in every way except we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually.

Part of the issue is I’m older and very experienced, while he’s younger and from what I gather quite inexperienced. I don’t know if he’s uncomfortable with what I want or just shy, but it all feels very vanilla for me. Not that he’s not trying, but even just a bit of dirty talk once in awhile seems like a challenge for him.

Anyone been through this? I adore the guy and want to make it work. I’ve been thinking of signing up for some online classes, although I don’t know if that will just freak him out more.

It looks like you are very passive. Why are you waiting for him to make it exciting?
I'm the one doing the kinky stuffs in bed and my man just follow. I tell him what to do.

[Anonymous]

You need to communicate with him about what you want, and you need to do it thoughtfully and see how he responds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t be having sex with him if you’re not married to him

🤦‍♂️

[Anonymous]

What is the age gap?

[Anonymous]

Op, what are your ages? Can he learn?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing like perfect partner or relationship. You make one and it doesn't just show up.

People are in this naive idea that perfect partner is going to come. from where? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him what he thinks about dirty talk? My husband is into dirty talk. Honestly, it is a huge turn off for me. The moment is literally ruined when he does this and I can’t get myself to orgasm because of it. After years of dealing with this, I finally told him. It caused a huge argument because he is VERY into it and I am not. A hard compromise on it because even when I agreed to do it every now and then it turned him off because he knew I now wasn’t into it. Our sex is now awkward as hell and a lot easier if I just get drunk. Good luck OP

You married someone who you are turned off from?

Did I say I was turned off by him? No. I said I was turned off by dirty talking in bed. That is a small portion of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the nature of the issue. If the chemistry is good and its more of a technique issue, its fixable and you shouldn’t punt him without working on it some. Particularly if it’s that you need more aggressiveness, a lot of men have been indoctrinated against being too aggressive sexually and that will take some time to unlearn. Some can, some have issues that make that hard. No way to tell at this point. But if the underlying sexual chemistry itself is not good, that’s not fixable, IME that’s either there or it isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Just move on this is why we date so we can find compatibility.

Not everybody needs bells and whistles to enjoy themselves… find somebody that needs all that extra BS to feed your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a great guy for 3 months. He’s exactly what I want in every way except we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually.

Part of the issue is I’m older and very experienced, while he’s younger and from what I gather quite inexperienced. I don’t know if he’s uncomfortable with what I want or just shy, but it all feels very vanilla for me. Not that he’s not trying, but even just a bit of dirty talk once in awhile seems like a challenge for him.

Anyone been through this? I adore the guy and want to make it work. I’ve been thinking of signing up for some online classes, although I don’t know if that will just freak him out more.

Maybe you are not his type. How hot are you?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why dirty talk is such a big deal. Good sex often includes some “theater” to get your partner there. Do what they enjoy. They sould do what you enjoy. That’s part of meeting each other’s needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him what he thinks about dirty talk? My husband is into dirty talk. Honestly, it is a huge turn off for me. The moment is literally ruined when he does this and I can’t get myself to orgasm because of it. After years of dealing with this, I finally told him. It caused a huge argument because he is VERY into it and I am not. A hard compromise on it because even when I agreed to do it every now and then it turned him off because he knew I now wasn’t into it. Our sex is now awkward as hell and a lot easier if I just get drunk. Good luck OP

You married someone who you are turned off from?

Did I say I was turned off by him? No. I said I was turned off by dirty talking in bed. That is a small portion of our marriage.

“Our sex is now awkward as hell and a lot easier if I just get drunk.” Yea, seems like a small portion of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why dirty talk is such a big deal. Good sex often includes some “theater” to get your partner there. Do what they enjoy. They sould do what you enjoy. That’s part of meeting each other’s needs.

+1 on theater.

DW and I have role played so many of her steamy romance novel scenes that I’ve learned like 5 different accents. Lol. Not to mention outfits and toys. She’s done lots of things for me too. Twenty-four years is a long time and sex is a good way to stay connected and feel like you’re still dating.

[Anonymous]

If you want kinks, dirty talk, jalapeno not vanilla then move on.
DH and I are both very quiet. Actually by random luck all the partners I have had were quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.

Lol, so he was raised to be a nice guy and now you want him to playact?

He probably feels ridiculous.

You might be able to coax it out of him if you are encouraging about it over a longer period of time. He may get used to saying whatever you want to hear.

Wait, wait, wait.

What do you guys say in bed? Are you silent during the act? Do you only say things like "that feels good"?

That's ridiculous. My husband was raised to be a nice guy, is a nice guy, but the things he says in bed are amazing. It's dirty, but all incredibly complimentary to me and my body and to what I do to him. I can't imagine having sex without all of that verbalization from him. It adds to the experience so much.

I know this will shock you, but different people like different things. Dirty talk is absolutely cringe and mood killer to some of us. So we are content with our quieter partners just as you are content with your dirty talker. See how that works?