My husband has been gone for 60 days and I'm realizing my marriage is bad.

[Anonymous]

My husband left for a two-month work trip and will be home in about 10 days. I am dreading his return and how much more work it is when he's home. When he's home, it's comparable to having two children instead of one.

I had to beg him to pay attention to me. Activities he did when I was 25, like sport hunting and fishing, I now find cruel. His affinity for drinking a six-pack on a Saturday or using nicotine patches grosses me out. He always finds time for his hunting and fishing buddies, but has not planned a single date in 5+ years since we've had our son. Before he left, we were in marriage counselling, where he was finding blame with me for everything. He would blame me if a lightbulb went out or a screw needed to be tightened - "Why didn't you tell me?"

He did not participate in cleaning or cooking. He said that because he did yardwork, had to get up at 4AM for work, and had a long commute, he's too tired. He would fall asleep when reading to our son to bed, and our son would still be awake.

Now that he's gone, there's no arguing. I don't have to ask for permission for things. I am doing less laundry and can do all the yardwork, which he claims is equal to me doing all the cooking and cleaning. The one very positive thing about him is that he is an absolute rockstar when our son is sick; he will get in, help with everything, and take time off work. But I don't know if that's worse than feeling second best to his fishing buddies or his constant criticism of me.

If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is. I hate that I had to take him to marriage counselling to ask him to be nice to me. He never does anything thoughtful or surprising; he complains that I "don't like surprises", and I don't think he cares for me too much either.

It's very sad to realize this is just the end of my marriage and my sole support system.

[Anonymous]

I’m very sorry OP. You seem like a nice person.
You’ll be ok.

[Anonymous]

How often does your son get sick?

[Anonymous]

Will he be a good solo dad half the time?

[Anonymous]

4:00 am is rough. That would be a mood breaker for me.

But he sounds uncaring and it sounds like your partnership is tired and run its course. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

4am is a horrible schedule. Is there any way to change that??

[Anonymous]

I'm asking because it matters- do you have a job that brings income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking because it matters- do you have a job that brings income?

+1

[Anonymous]

He sounds exhausted tbh.

[Anonymous]

Its over

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear it. I am in the same boat. I went for a trip for 4 weeks. I had to force myself to call/text him. But I have 2 little kids and I am not ready to divorce so I am stuck for at least another 10 years. Good luck OP! It is a sign you haven’t missed him in those 2 months / it is THE sign!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband left for a two-month work trip and will be home in about 10 days. I am dreading his return and how much more work it is when he's home. When he's home, it's comparable to having two children instead of one.

I had to beg him to pay attention to me. Activities he did when I was 25, like sport hunting and fishing, I now find cruel. His affinity for drinking a six-pack on a Saturday or using nicotine patches grosses me out. He always finds time for his hunting and fishing buddies, but has not planned a single date in 5+ years since we've had our son. Before he left, we were in marriage counselling, where he was finding blame with me for everything. He would blame me if a lightbulb went out or a screw needed to be tightened - "Why didn't you tell me?"

He did not participate in cleaning or cooking. He said that because he did yardwork, had to get up at 4AM for work, and had a long commute, he's too tired. He would fall asleep when reading to our son to bed, and our son would still be awake.

Now that he's gone, there's no arguing. I don't have to ask for permission for things. I am doing less laundry and can do all the yardwork, which he claims is equal to me doing all the cooking and cleaning. The one very positive thing about him is that he is an absolute rockstar when our son is sick; he will get in, help with everything, and take time off work. But I don't know if that's worse than feeling second best to his fishing buddies or his constant criticism of me.

If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is. I hate that I had to take him to marriage counselling to ask him to be nice to me. He never does anything thoughtful or surprising; he complains that I "don't like surprises", and I don't think he cares for me too much either.

It's very sad to realize this is just the end of my marriage and my sole support system.

Where do you work?

Can you take off time to deal with a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

So he at least has an 11 hour work day.
A job requiring extensive travel.
He puts your kid to bed every night.
Takes care of him when he's sick.
Does housework.
And you're ready to divorce him because you don't like his hobbies and that he thinks you should change a lightbulb instead of waiting for him

Yeah. You're having an affair you have your dream guy in mind. And you have the kid and I you're counting on a pig payout

[Anonymous]

Lady, if you are SAH and he works as you describe, you should be able to take all household work off his shoulders. When I took a 7 year long break from office job, I paid off $2m mortgages balances on rental properties managing it as airbnbs. I've changed tons of bulbs, fixed dozens of toilets, and learned how to do basic carpenter jobs myself between the guests.

[Anonymous]

Op here, no. I work full time and am also in graduate school. I most recently worked two jobs to help with finances when he had a long layoff period.

Having a husband who wants to split the bills 50/50, but do ZERO housework, cleaning, or cooking and doesn’t give a sh*t about our marriage at all, isn’t exactly a prize. It’s a roommate.