In two months, it will be all over.

[Anonymous]

Kid will be all done with their applications, either accepted by ED schools or waiting for RD results.
When it's over, I will never need to visit DCUM again.
Even if I occasionally visit here again, snarky comments will never bother me again.
Darkness before the twilight.
Rant over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid will be all done with their applications, either accepted by ED schools or waiting for RD results.
When it's over, I will never need to visit DCUM again.
Even if I occasionally visit here again, snarky comments will never bother me again.
Darkness before the twilight.
Rant over.

And a thankful Thursday to you too

[Anonymous]

okay ...

[Anonymous]

In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid will be all done with their applications, either accepted by ED schools or waiting for RD results.
When it's over, I will never need to visit DCUM again.
Even if I occasionally visit here again, snarky comments will never bother me again.
Darkness before the twilight.
Rant over.

No, no. You will be back. First to gloat or gloom about the results. Then to say that your kid has senioritis in HS. Then to ask what to pack for the dorm. Then to tell us that your kid or the roommate has drama/failing/depressed/addiction. Then to ask about the internships. Then to ask about how many times it is ok for your kid to come back home. Then to talk about the hookup culture. Then to ask how much money he should be given. Then this. Then that. Then you will cry about AI taking away the jobs. Then his love life. Then should you pay for his wedding. Then job. Then kids.

It is never ending. And foolish parents think that college admission is where it ends. NOPE. And if you were waiting to divorce your spouse, well, don't do it. Because you will mess up your kid.

And once they have kids...should you provide childcare? Allow them to live rent-free for some years so that they can have a chance for a future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

And who said that chatGPT is soulless? A prompt is all it needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

And who said that chatGPT is soulless? A prompt is all it needs.

Lol… I’m not sure if that was AI but it was really good.

[Anonymous]

Glad I clicked on this thread - thank you PPs for making me smile 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the land of MoCo suburbs, long threads start to rage,
Hot takes and humblebrags rising up through the page.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a username light,
My head grew heavy and my eyes went dim,
I had to log in tonight.

There she stood in the forum doorway,
I heard the posters yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Bethesda… or it could be hell.”
Then she lit up the comments, and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the thread corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a face on grace (such a face on grace).
Plenty of drama at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Any time of year (any time of year),
You can find it here. 🎶

Verse 2:
Her mind is Mommy-and-Me twisted,
She got the Montessori bends,
She got a lot of catty catty posters,
She calls “my friends.”
How they dance on the politics board, sweet summer thread,
Some post to remember, some post to dread.

So I called up the mod,
“Please delete my name,”
He said, “We haven’t had that option here
since 2008.”
And still those voices are typing from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Chorus:
🎶 Welcome to the Forum DC UrbanMom,
Such a snarky place (such a snarky place),
Such a smug embrace (such a smug embrace).
They livin’ it up at the Forum DC UrbanMom,
What a great surprise (what a great surprise),
Bring your thin disguise. 🎶

Bridge:
Private school tuition madness,
$50K a year,
And they say, “We’re not like the others,”
But their nannies all drive here.
And in the Mod’s own chamber,
They gather for the feast,
They stab it with their witty posts,
But they just can’t ban the beast!

Final Verse:
Last thing I remember, I was
Trying to log offline,
“I need to find a thread to close
Before I lose my mind.”
“Relax,” said the Mod man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
But you can never leave…”

This is up there with the Ruth’s Chris NYE thread. Amazing.
🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

[Anonymous]

It’s nine o’clock on a Tuesday,
The laptop clicks softly online,
There’s a mom in her robe on a thread she wrote,
And she’s venting with boxed Chardonnay wine.

She says, “Mods, can you tell me what college’s the best?
For a teenager who's 17 going on nine?
It’s a mystery to me, this admissions spree,
But the other moms seem to be fine.”

Sing us a post, you’re the DCUM Mom,
Sing us a thread tonight,
Well we’re all in the mood for some parenting doom,
And your drama makes everything right.

Now “AnonymousDad” is a lawyer,
Who pretends that he’s just middle class,
And he’s quick with a link, or a snide little wink,
And a dig at Bethesda’s new gas.

And the “SAHM” with her freshman
Is convinced PSAT prep already is the key,
She just wanted advice, but she’s posting thrice,
About getting a diagnosis for more SAT time with ADHD.

Chorus
Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Now “Private vs. Public” is raging,
And the "which LAC is best" thread won’t end,
’Cause the moms who are there love to worry and stare
At what other moms choose to spend.

And the “Ivy Plus” crowd is eternal,
With “Dartmouth versus Cornell” pride,
Yes, the posters all swear they don’t care, but beware—
They’re refreshing that thread on the side.

Chorus
Sing us a post, you’re the DCUM Mom,
Sing us your fears tonight,
’Cause we’re all tuned in to your judgmental spin,
And your flexing disguised as “insight.”

Bridge
It’s a pretty good crowd for a weekday,
And the snark gives the forum a glow,
’Cause they’ve got kids asleep, and their guilt runs deep,
So they parent through pixels, you know.

And the mods say, “Ma’am, this has gone off-track,”
As the ban hammer softly comes down,
And the moms all agree it’s just therapy—
Typing tears on their keyboard town.

Final Chorus
Oh, sing us a post, you’re the DCUM Mom,
Sing us your angst tonight,
Well we’re all in the mood for your over-share,
And your panic feels so polite.

[Anonymous]

Ask ChatGPT to tirn the verses/lyrics into a song. Make it the DCUM anthem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:okay ...

This. I bet when OP first became a parent he/she acted like they invented parenthood

[Anonymous]

These are brilliant.

[Anonymous]

DCUM Police
(sung to the tune of “Karma Police” by Radiohead)

DCUM Police, arrest this mom,
She’s humblebragging again — her kid got into Stanford.
DCUM Police, arrest this dad,
His son’s GPA’s too high, and his tone’s too glad.

[Chorus]
This is what you get,
This is what you get,
This is what you get when you post your joy.

DCUM Police, I gave all I can,
I told her “WashU’s just as good,” with a smirk and a plan.
I typed through my tears, “T-20’s a myth,”
While bookmarking Princeton — I’m fine with this.

[Chorus]
This is what you get,
This is what you get,
This is what you get when you dream out loud.

[Bridge]
For a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself.
For a minute there, I thought my kid might…
Get into Yale…

DCUM Police, it’s all in good fun,
We crush each other’s hope and call it “wisdom.”
Oh, “Tufts is the new Brown,” they say,
As they type “UChicago’s amazing — but in a real way.*”

[Outro]
For a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself.
For a minute there, I thought we weren’t…
All the same.

[Anonymous]

These really made my evening. Also, yes Op, I look forward to the college application process being done and wish everyone the best.