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[quote=Anonymous]It’s nine o’clock on a Tuesday,
The laptop clicks softly online,
There’s a mom in her robe on a thread she wrote,
And she’s venting with boxed Chardonnay wine.

She says, “Mods, can you tell me what college’s the best?
For a teenager who's 17 going on nine?
It’s a mystery to me, this admissions spree,
But the other moms seem to be fine.”

Sing us a post, you’re the DCUM Mom,
Sing us a thread tonight,
Well we’re all in the mood for some parenting doom,
And your drama makes everything right.

Now “AnonymousDad” is a lawyer,
Who pretends that he’s just middle class,
And he’s quick with a link, or a snide little wink,
And a dig at Bethesda’s new gas.

And the “SAHM” with her freshman
Is convinced PSAT prep already is the key,
She just wanted advice, but she’s posting thrice,
About getting a diagnosis for more SAT time with ADHD.

Chorus
Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Now “Private vs. Public” is raging,
And the "which LAC is best" thread won’t end,
’Cause the moms who are there love to worry and stare
At what other moms choose to spend.

And the “Ivy Plus” crowd is eternal,
With “Dartmouth versus Cornell” pride,
Yes, the posters all swear they don’t care, but beware—
They’re refreshing that thread on the side.

Chorus
Sing us a post, you’re the DCUM Mom,
Sing us your fears tonight,
’Cause we’re all tuned in to your judgmental spin,
And your flexing disguised as “insight.”

Bridge
It’s a pretty good crowd for a weekday,
And the snark gives the forum a glow,
’Cause they’ve got kids asleep, and their guilt runs deep,
So they parent through pixels, you know.

And the mods say, “Ma’am, this has gone off-track,”
As the ban hammer softly comes down,
And the moms all agree it’s just therapy—
Typing tears on their keyboard town.

Final Chorus
Oh, sing us a post, you’re the DCUM Mom,
Sing us your angst tonight,
Well we’re all in the mood for your over-share,
And your panic feels so polite.

[/quote]

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