Women should approach more if they want to date 'in-person'

[Anonymous]

I was at an art event last night and crossed paths with a woman, who was with another woman and a guy. We first crossed paths walking past each other on the stairs and looked at each other and kept walking.

I later saw her separated from the other woman in one of the galleries and at first didn't feel like chatting with her (i wasn't in a talkative mood) so I mulled around the gallery and made a comment about her scarf as she was about to leave. Anyways we started chatting and 5 mins into the convo, she says "when I saw you on the stairs as you walked past us, i told my girlfriend how handsome you were"...

ladies...shoot your shot. If i never said something, we would've never connected.

it's exhausting to always be the one to shoot first. i don't mind doing it (it's the only way i meet people since i'm not online) but in 2025 women need to embrace more agency.

[Anonymous]

I challenge single women to get 1 number or ask out someone a minimum once a week in person.

as a guy, the threshold should average 4-5 approaches a week....but women can do 1.

are you going to let some weird software bro coding up the hinge back-end software stack be the genesis of your next relationship?

[Anonymous]

You're not wrong, but it's also hard to say how invested she was after noticing you. Most of the single women I know (all in their 40s) are happy with their lives. They might talk abstractly about wanting to meet someone, but it's not top of mind. If it happens, great; if not, also great.

Anyway, good for you for making the connection and I hope it works out.

[Anonymous]

But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I challenge single women to get 1 number or ask out someone a minimum once a week in person.

as a guy, the threshold should average 4-5 approaches a week....but women can do 1.

are you going to let some weird software bro coding up the hinge back-end software stack be the genesis of your next relationship?

So true. I can't get AI to do simple math problems correctly. Why would I think an algorithm would find me love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not wrong, but it's also hard to say how invested she was after noticing you. Most of the single women I know (all in their 40s) are happy with their lives. They might talk abstractly about wanting to meet someone, but it's not top of mind. If it happens, great; if not, also great.

Anyway, good for you for making the connection and I hope it works out.

that's fine - this doesn't apply to them.

it applies to the ones who clearly aren't ok with their situation. there has def been an uptick of 35+ types on here making threads whinging about 'old this' 'old that'. it's cringe and embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

it's a 5-story tall gallery - there were other baddies who I initially crossed paths with but the museum was so large I didn't see them again over the course of the evening.

that strategy works in smaller more intimate spaces. not pretty large/public areas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

+1 Plus when I was single if I was at an event like this with friends and a handsome guy made eyes at me a few times but never approached, that would be fine! I would get that little ego boost of knowing I looked good that night and go about my life. I never really *needed* a new date or boyfriend, just liked little interactions until someone was invested enough to make an effort.

I do feel badly for guys who are not outgoing, because it's got to be rough to always have to approach if you want a connection. I think OLD is great for easing that burden, and it's why I never was too bothered by "stock" openers from men online. But the in-person and online system of guys doing the initial legwork worked for me so I'm not sure this demand that women take over asking people out if they ever want love makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

+1 Plus when I was single if I was at an event like this with friends and a handsome guy made eyes at me a few times but never approached, that would be fine! I would get that little ego boost of knowing I looked good that night and go about my life. I never really *needed* a new date or boyfriend, just liked little interactions until someone was invested enough to make an effort.

I do feel badly for guys who are not outgoing, because it's got to be rough to always have to approach if you want a connection. I think OLD is great for easing that burden, and it's why I never was too bothered by "stock" openers from men online. But the in-person and online system of guys doing the initial legwork worked for me so I'm not sure this demand that women take over asking people out if they ever want love makes any sense.

This doesn’t apply to you and pp since you aren’t the types to be whining about “old” at a 30+ age

Even outgoing guys get exhausted by the approaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

+1 Plus when I was single if I was at an event like this with friends and a handsome guy made eyes at me a few times but never approached, that would be fine! I would get that little ego boost of knowing I looked good that night and go about my life. I never really *needed* a new date or boyfriend, just liked little interactions until someone was invested enough to make an effort.

I do feel badly for guys who are not outgoing, because it's got to be rough to always have to approach if you want a connection. I think OLD is great for easing that burden, and it's why I never was too bothered by "stock" openers from men online. But the in-person and online system of guys doing the initial legwork worked for me so I'm not sure this demand that women take over asking people out if they ever want love makes any sense.

This doesn’t apply to you and pp since you aren’t the types to be whining about “old” at a 30+ age

Even outgoing guys get exhausted by the approaching.

Seems like you are in conversation with an theoretical unhappy woman, OP, but it's unclear whether the person in the gallery is in that basket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

it's a 5-story tall gallery - there were other baddies who I initially crossed paths with but the museum was so large I didn't see them again over the course of the evening.

that strategy works in smaller more intimate spaces. not pretty large/public areas

Again, she kept making sure she was around you so you would see her. So this strategy worked in a large event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

it's a 5-story tall gallery - there were other baddies who I initially crossed paths with but the museum was so large I didn't see them again over the course of the evening.

that strategy works in smaller more intimate spaces. not pretty large/public areas

Again, she kept making sure she was around you so you would see her. So this strategy worked in a large event.

DP. That is exhausting. Plus the climate has changed. Most men now believe women do not want to be approached. It is time for women to put them selves out there and make the first move. Women have no excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was at an art event last night and crossed paths with a woman, who was with another woman and a guy. We first crossed paths walking past each other on the stairs and looked at each other and kept walking.

I later saw her separated from the other woman in one of the galleries and at first didn't feel like chatting with her (i wasn't in a talkative mood) so I mulled around the gallery and made a comment about her scarf as she was about to leave. Anyways we started chatting and 5 mins into the convo, she says "when I saw you on the stairs as you walked past us, i told my girlfriend how handsome you were"...

ladies...shoot your shot. If i never said something, we would've never connected.

it's exhausting to always be the one to shoot first. i don't mind doing it (it's the only way i meet people since i'm not online) but in 2025 women need to embrace more agency.

Considering how skewed towards men the benefits of sex and relationships are, and how much greater the burdens on women are of marriage and child rearing, the least you can do as a man as get off your behind and make the first move. The laziness and entitlement of this era of men is just appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

it's a 5-story tall gallery - there were other baddies who I initially crossed paths with but the museum was so large I didn't see them again over the course of the evening.

that strategy works in smaller more intimate spaces. not pretty large/public areas

Again, she kept making sure she was around you so you would see her. So this strategy worked in a large event.

DP. That is exhausting. Plus the climate has changed. Most men now believe women do not want to be approached. It is time for women to put them selves out there and make the first move. Women have no excuses.

DP. No, not really. Women don't have to take on yet another responsibility because men like you have convinced themselves of some foolishness. You all know full well that what women are protesting is sexual harassment and predatory behavior. If you don't know the difference between approaching a woman respectfully in an appropriate venue versus sexually harassing her, then you need therapy and social skills education. Women don't have to do a single thing different because you have problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it worked because she did what she was supposed to do ..she kept making eye contact and got some time by herself so you would approach her.

it's a 5-story tall gallery - there were other baddies who I initially crossed paths with but the museum was so large I didn't see them again over the course of the evening.

that strategy works in smaller more intimate spaces. not pretty large/public areas

“Baddies?”

Wut.