Questions for Working Moms

[Anonymous]

I realize there is no uniform answer here and it can involve a host of variables, but I am trying to get a general gauge.

What was your expectation for how frequently your children under the age of two would travel with you on work trips? Every trip? An occasional/opportunistic trip? Never?

As kids got older than this, did trips away from them get easier? More difficult? Did your expectations regarding the questions above change?

[Anonymous]

I travel frequently and never take my child. I don’t see how it could possibly work without my spouse taking the entire time off and coming with me, and even then it would add a lot of stress.

[Anonymous]

Expected they would never. Never did.

[Anonymous]

Do my kids travel with me on work trips? No, never. Don’t ever plan on it. They’re teens now.

Are trips away from them easier now than they were when they were younger? No, not emotionally. I don’t like leaving them. But it’s easier now logistically for my DH.

[Anonymous]

It never crossed my mind, and they've never traveled with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expected they would never. Never did.

+1

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

Never. My youngest is 10 and no child has ever been on a work trip with me.

I actually think once they are older teens maybe they would want to join and hang in the hotel on their own, but likely that wouldn't work with school and activities.

Work trips are for grown ups.

[Anonymous]

I actually think this is a uniform answer. The expectation is never.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Ok, since the answers seem to mostly align, I will add a bit more color. My partner expects that our two under two will travel with her on every work trip because she will otherwise miss them, which means that I would likely have to accompany on most of those trips.

She has not had any work trips so far, but I have been trying to get ahead of the issue and manage expectations, as some might be forthcoming after the holidays. In discussions right now, she is saying that we just have different preferences regarding the reasonableness of work travel with kids and there is no reason why my standard or preference should matter more than hers. No perspective is more valid than the other; they're just different.

Any suggestions on how to approach this? I have no problem at all watching the kids while she is away on work trips, but this solution does not seem to satisfy her so far.

[Anonymous]

Once or twice, I have had my kids (with DH) join me after a work trip for a few days but never during. I am an event planner so when I travel, I am busy from 7am-10pm most days. I don't even have time to call home.

They are now teens and its much easier to travel now but it was still hard up until middle school. Luckily we have local family who could pitch in and help DH. But now it's not a big deal when I am gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, since the answers seem to mostly align, I will add a bit more color. My partner expects that our two under two will travel with her on every work trip because she will otherwise miss them, which means that I would likely have to accompany on most of those trips.

She has not had any work trips so far, but I have been trying to get ahead of the issue and manage expectations, as some might be forthcoming after the holidays. In discussions right now, she is saying that we just have different preferences regarding the reasonableness of work travel with kids and there is no reason why my standard or preference should matter more than hers. No perspective is more valid than the other; they're just different.

Any suggestions on how to approach this? I have no problem at all watching the kids while she is away on work trips, but this solution does not seem to satisfy her so far.

My relative does that. 2 under 3. Takes them and spouse on work trips. A chance to show the world to the spouse, who was not well travelled before marriage. Is it worth it? Probably. They also have pets that other relatives take care of. A more opportune time won't come for them. Also, they don't have to pay someone to look after the kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, since the answers seem to mostly align, I will add a bit more color. My partner expects that our two under two will travel with her on every work trip because she will otherwise miss them, which means that I would likely have to accompany on most of those trips.

She has not had any work trips so far, but I have been trying to get ahead of the issue and manage expectations, as some might be forthcoming after the holidays. In discussions right now, she is saying that we just have different preferences regarding the reasonableness of work travel with kids and there is no reason why my standard or preference should matter more than hers. No perspective is more valid than the other; they're just different.

Any suggestions on how to approach this? I have no problem at all watching the kids while she is away on work trips, but this solution does not seem to satisfy her so far.

Her expectations are unreasonable. If she is unable to travel solo for work, she needs a job that doesn't require travel. And that is fine, it is some people's preference. But if her job requires travel, she goes without the kids. I would find it extremely odd if a coworker brought their spouse and child because they were going to miss them. That is not normal or healthy. But again if that is her mindset, she needs a job that aligns with that.

[Anonymous]

Bringing kids and spouse on routine work travel will impact her career negatively. Its not the companies expectation and is not a norm. Travel usually means you need to be present for something in particular. And then if youre busy with that all day, your evenings are for catching up on actual work, or for social networking. Its not for hanging with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, since the answers seem to mostly align, I will add a bit more color. My partner expects that our two under two will travel with her on every work trip because she will otherwise miss them, which means that I would likely have to accompany on most of those trips.

She has not had any work trips so far, but I have been trying to get ahead of the issue and manage expectations, as some might be forthcoming after the holidays. In discussions right now, she is saying that we just have different preferences regarding the reasonableness of work travel with kids and there is no reason why my standard or preference should matter more than hers. No perspective is more valid than the other; they're just different.

Any suggestions on how to approach this? I have no problem at all watching the kids while she is away on work trips, but this solution does not seem to satisfy her so far.

It sounds like a job where she has to travel for work is not a good fit for her. I would encourage and support her in looking for a different job.