Dealing with student who likes to “report” everything.

[Anonymous]

I teach 1st grade and I’ve encountered a problem I have never had before.

Child likes to “tattle” for everything. Obviously this is normal so we give them the tools to handle small problems on their own. Just today she reported that larlo was touching her chrombook. She let me know that she asked me to stop, and he did in fact stop. She insists on still telling me anyway. Unfortunately mom now is reporting on these little “tattles” to me. After school and email came about different student touched her backpack. Mom acknowledges that none of these things are a major concern and just normal kid stuff but she has promised her DD that she will always tell me anything she feels like needs to be shared with me. I get multiple emails a week about kids tapping pencils, chasing her on the playground, and even one email that said “larla said larlo called her a mean name but she cannot remember what it was.”

Ive talked to mom about helping her handle these problems on her own, and she said she really appreciates that but she wants to always give larla “the benefit of the doubt.”

[Anonymous]

Just say out loud in front of the class for all to hear "Nobody likes a tattle tale! Go sit down!"

[Anonymous]

After you mentally tell her that snitches get stitches and to build a bridge to get over it, out loud tell her not to tell you about anyone's behavior unless it DIRECTLY affects her negatively. Someone tapping their pencil? Don't tell you. Someone called her a mean name she can't remember? Don't tell you. Someone bumped into her backpack? Don't tell you. Someone drew all over her paper? Tell you. Someone yanked her backpack off? Tell you.

[Anonymous]

I would ask mom to come in for a meeting and at that meeting explain that pencil tapping and playground disagreement are normal for 1st grade, and we need to help students contend with them and be resilient while also teaching them what is really important for boundary-crossing. I might also consult the counselor to get their advice or offer their services to the child to develop strategies to 1.) cope and 2.) differentiate between what is important to fight and what is just a social interaction that you want to respond to by moving/ignoring/etc...

[Anonymous]

Turn it into an assignment. Give her a journal, have her write her accusations therein, and agree that you'll review it once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turn it into an assignment. Give her a journal, have her write her accusations therein, and agree that you'll review it once a week.

I appreciate the out of the box thinking, but it's wrong to encourage this. The mother and child need to be told to stop, and to exercise better judgement in what's actually important, and what's not. Apparently they're so clueless that the teacher will need to give very specific examples of both...

I think you need to suggest a face to face meeting with the parent, OP.

[Anonymous]

Experienced teacher here. Both the child and mom need some education about this. I would have the guidance counselor help. First, the child and parent need clear parameters, in written form, about what should be reported. Use bullet points. Yes, report if someone is being hurt, if property was damaged and needs replacing, if cursing or hitting is involved, if safety is involved, or if the issue happens over and over. Do not report if it is something that was handled, there was no lasting harm, etc.

The mom and kid need to understand the social implications regarding tattling so much. The mom needs to learn what is developmentally appropriate, and how to let the kid learn to navigate this stuff on her own. Mom is trying to show the kid she is always in her corner, but she’s going overboard.

Then, what is underlying the girl’s need to tattle? Is she trying to get kids in trouble? Does she feel more secure knowing that you are fully informed? Is she unsure of her ability to take care of herself and needs an adult constantly involved?

Once you have been able to fully get the girl to understand what should not be reported, you need consequences for continuing, if she does.

[Anonymous]

There was a kid in my cub scouts group who was sort of like that. I start responding with questions like "OK. What do you think I need to do about it?" or "What do you think needs to happen next?". They would generally just give me a blank stare or say "I don't know...".

I eventually told him to tell me if something was happening that needed my intervention. Is somebody about to get hurt? Is property about to get damaged? Tell me so I can stop it. If it's just an annoyance, then there's nothing I can do, so it's pointless to tell me.

I don't know if that worked or if he just grew out of it, but eventually the endless reporting slowed down.

[Anonymous]

If this is a public school, it’s fine to just not respond to every email from the mother. Maybe once every week or every other week said her one response saying you’ve received her messages and thank you for letting you know- that is it. She can email all she wants. But you don’t have to respond to everything.

Same goes for daughter. “Thanks for letting me know, now get back to your work.” Repeat as often as necessary. This is annoying for sure, but not a big deal that needs to involve an in person meeting or counseling

[Anonymous]

That is wild the mom is encouraging this. I have a child with a….well developed sense of what is right and I have done a lot of work with them to help them parse out what needs to be told to the teacher and what does not. So they can have friends and not have their whole class hate them for being a tattle tale

[Anonymous]

The mom needs to give birth to a son, wait about 6 years, and then have an epiphany that boys are obnoxious and annoying.

[Anonymous]

I heard a standard recently that I really liked:

We tell adults to get someone OUT of trouble (they are in an unsafe situation, doing something dangerous, someone needs help, etc)

We shouldn’t tell adults to get someone IN trouble.

I think that’s a good standard for kids and perhaps you could explain that standard to your class and then to the parent as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard a standard recently that I really liked:

We tell adults to get someone OUT of trouble (they are in an unsafe situation, doing something dangerous, someone needs help, etc)

We shouldn’t tell adults to get someone IN trouble.

I think that’s a good standard for kids and perhaps you could explain that standard to your class and then to the parent as well.

No, sometimes people need to get someone else in trouble.

Assign “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” to the mom and kid. Much more accurate lesson in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a kid in my cub scouts group who was sort of like that. I start responding with questions like "OK. What do you think I need to do about it?" or "What do you think needs to happen next?". They would generally just give me a blank stare or say "I don't know...".

I eventually told him to tell me if something was happening that needed my intervention. Is somebody about to get hurt? Is property about to get damaged? Tell me so I can stop it. If it's just an annoyance, then there's nothing I can do, so it's pointless to tell me.

I don't know if that worked or if he just grew out of it, but eventually the endless reporting slowed down.

This is a good response!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard a standard recently that I really liked:

We tell adults to get someone OUT of trouble (they are in an unsafe situation, doing something dangerous, someone needs help, etc)

We shouldn’t tell adults to get someone IN trouble.

I think that’s a good standard for kids and perhaps you could explain that standard to your class and then to the parent as well.

No, sometimes people need to get someone else in trouble.

Assign “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” to the mom and kid. Much more accurate lesson in that.

Dp. I don't think that story relates. Boy who cried wolf was a 'troll' and lied so many times that when there was a wolf no one believed him. So tge lesson there is be truthful as you name and reputation can save your life.

This child who reports on kids is feeling insecure and wants praise. Op do they have friends?