Busy body friend who gives aggressive advice? How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Friend who is otherwise kind and thoughtful can be very aggressive about giving advice. It makes me angry at times, but she’s a kind person overall and I want to try to understand it which I think might help me feel less annoyed. KWIM?

Examples. That med you’re taking is causing this side effect (even though doctor says it isn’t). You need to stop taking it asap.

You need to sue your contractor. Here’s a lawyer name. Did you call him? Why not?

You have been sick. You need to file for a disability accommodation at work. Why haven’t you done it yet?

She’s very smart and means well, but definitely struggles with relationships

[Anonymous]

Hmm the fact that she speaks like that, points the fact that she is not smart at all.

[Anonymous]

My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

[Anonymous]

"Did I ask for your advice?" - the quick way to get this to stop
"I'll take that into consideration" - the passive aggressive route
"Ah, thank you for your infinite wisdom on this subject!" - the sarcastic reply

I mean, you could always start with just talking to your "friend" and letting them know that you'd appreciate it if they'd keep their advice to themselves until/unless you ask, but since you managed to write your little rant on the internet, hopefully you're smart enough to know that already...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

Me again. The only thing you can do is be direct, because if your friend isn't great at reading body language and diplomatic beating around the bush, she will never understand until you say: "No, I've decided to do it my way instead."

[Anonymous]

Why are you still friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

Yeah, I would vote for neurodivergence. It doesn't sound like it's meant to be unkind. I think replying with sarcasm or in passive aggressive ways is just going to be misunderstood. I'd try to find kind and direct ways to let the person know they're overstepping.

"The fact you keep bringing this up is making me feel pressured and uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

Me again. The only thing you can do is be direct, because if your friend isn't great at reading body language and diplomatic beating around the bush, she will never understand until you say: "No, I've decided to do it my way instead."

I think the expression is "Clear is kind"

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your advice but when you are aggressive about it, it makes me uncomfortable and is counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

Me again. The only thing you can do is be direct, because if your friend isn't great at reading body language and diplomatic beating around the bush, she will never understand until you say: "No, I've decided to do it my way instead."

I think the expression is "Clear is kind"

Exactly. Clear is kind:
“Sally, please stop. I can handle this, and I’m not discussing it anymore.”

[Anonymous]

This sounds like someone you just need to stop telling things to, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

Me again. The only thing you can do is be direct, because if your friend isn't great at reading body language and diplomatic beating around the bush, she will never understand until you say: "No, I've decided to do it my way instead."

I think the expression is "Clear is kind"

Exactly. Clear is kind:
“Sally, please stop. I can handle this, and I’m not discussing it anymore.”

That's crossing out of kindness. You can be clear without being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Did I ask for your advice?" - the quick way to get this to stop
"I'll take that into consideration" - the passive aggressive route
"Ah, thank you for your infinite wisdom on this subject!" - the sarcastic reply

I mean, you could always start with just talking to your "friend" and letting them know that you'd appreciate it if they'd keep their advice to themselves until/unless you ask, but since you managed to write your little rant on the internet, hopefully you're smart enough to know that already...

I guess my post wasn’t clear. I’m not asking for advice on what to say to her. I’m trying to understand why she might be like this so I can view her behavior more favorably or at least not negatively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband can get like hyperfocused like this on other people's problems and has trouble understanding when to back off. He has an ASD/ADHD profile and a stubborn personality. Our son also has an ASD/ADHD profile but he's sweet and gentle, and would never insert himself in this way. So I think it's a combo of neurodivergence (not being able to read social cues) and being stubborn.

Me again. The only thing you can do is be direct, because if your friend isn't great at reading body language and diplomatic beating around the bush, she will never understand until you say: "No, I've decided to do it my way instead."

I think the expression is "Clear is kind"

Exactly. Clear is kind:
“Sally, please stop. I can handle this, and I’m not discussing it anymore.”

Op. To be clear to you here.
I guess my original post wasn’t clear. I’m not asking for advice on what to say to her. I’m trying to understand why she might be like this so I can view her behavior more favorably or at least not negatively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm the fact that she speaks like that, points the fact that she is not smart at all.

There are different kinds of smart. Shes smart