Rattled by a friend’s comment- what did she really mean?

[Anonymous]

I used to live in Maryland near a friend. Then we both relocated to the west coast and ended up in the same neighborhood and our kids went to the same private school. Yay! While our west coast city was pretty different than the east coast, it wasn’t Portland or somewhere like that and I would say most people cared less about politics than money, real estate and home renovations, for better or for worse. Our school stayed out of the fray save for raising money for financial aid and celebrating the holidays of the cultures of all of the families in attendance. Our school community was very diverse, and my own family is mixed- I am white and DH is Asian.

Friend moved away last year. Then came to visit and we were chatting and I asked what she missed. She said “not the woke stuff”.

I’m feeling really weird about that and am extrapolating all sorts of things. I know it gets tossed around on the internet and fox news but I’ve never heard someone use it in conversation.

[Anonymous]

Your friend is showing you who she is. People now feel emboldened to be all the nasty things they kept hidden before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to live in Maryland near a friend. Then we both relocated to the west coast and ended up in the same neighborhood and our kids went to the same private school. Yay! While our west coast city was pretty different than the east coast, it wasn’t Portland or somewhere like that and I would say most people cared less about politics than money, real estate and home renovations, for better or for worse. Our school stayed out of the fray save for raising money for financial aid and celebrating the holidays of the cultures of all of the families in attendance. Our school community was very diverse, and my own family is mixed- I am white and DH is Asian.

Friend moved away last year. Then came to visit and we were chatting and I asked what she missed. She said “not the woke stuff”.

I’m feeling really weird about that and am extrapolating all sorts of things. I know it gets tossed around on the internet and fox news but I’ve never heard someone use it in conversation.

Why didn't you ask her "which woke stuff"? You'd have learned something about your friend.

[Anonymous]

She was telling you she voted for Trump. I don't know if she wanted you to be "one of the good ones" and signal back that you did too, or if she was trying to subtly gloat that her side is ascendant so now she doesn't have to pretend to care anymore about "celebrating all the holidays" and "having civil discourse with people in an interracial marriage."

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

[Anonymous]

It means she okay with your child being Asian because Asian is an acceptable diversity and wink wink with DEI gone your kids still have a chance at college.

[Anonymous]

It means she's always been a racist and now feels free to spread it around. Good riddance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to live in Maryland near a friend. Then we both relocated to the west coast and ended up in the same neighborhood and our kids went to the same private school. Yay! While our west coast city was pretty different than the east coast, it wasn’t Portland or somewhere like that and I would say most people cared less about politics than money, real estate and home renovations, for better or for worse. Our school stayed out of the fray save for raising money for financial aid and celebrating the holidays of the cultures of all of the families in attendance. Our school community was very diverse, and my own family is mixed- I am white and DH is Asian.

Friend moved away last year. Then came to visit and we were chatting and I asked what she missed. She said “not the woke stuff”.

I’m feeling really weird about that and am extrapolating all sorts of things. I know it gets tossed around on the internet and fox news but I’ve never heard someone use it in conversation.

Why didn't you ask her "which woke stuff"? You'd have learned something about your friend.

Agree. I don't understand why you are taking what sounds like an incredibly vague statement and basically making up an ideology.

For the record, I am a progressive Democrat who never watches Fox News, is not MAGA and would never vote for Trump, likes AOC, campaigned for Kamala, etc. and I sometimes get annoyed by "the woke stuff." By which I mean sometimes my fellow progressives engage in what I view to be performative posturing that is mostly to make people think of them a certain way or to feel superior, and it gets old. I live on Capitol Hill in DC and have many neighbors with yards filled with signs proclaiming all their values and I privately roll my eyes at it even though, hate also has no home in my house. Sometimes people here get into passive aggressive competitions about who is more environmentally conscious (do you commute on an e-bike? do you own a composter? have you converted to solar?) and I laugh to myself because these conversations are actually very elitist (e-bikes, which we also have, cost thousands and are only a feasible option if you live in an expensive area that isn't car dependent, not everyone has the time or space to compost at home, solar panels are a very expensive upfront cost and require that you own a single family home to install, etc.). This is the kind of think I am thinking of when I think about "the woke stuff."

I don't think being progressive or caring about racism or trying to be a decent human being instead of a soulless ghoul like Trump is "woke." To me, that's just baseline. I have friends who are former Republicans (left the party because of Trump) who meet this criteria even though they are politically much more conservative than I am.

So I think you should explore your friend's comment a bit more. I doubt it means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

This. You can be liberal and still also find certain "woke" politics and behavior to be obnoxious.

If the two parties are now MAGA and "woke" then we are really, really screwed.

[Anonymous]

Block her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

Same. I had a friend freak out about a tree being cut down, and got many others riled up about it. She cried multiple times about it. Too much for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

Same. Plenty of liberals and anti-Trump people are also sick of the "woke" stuff. Language policing, cancel culture. virtue signaling. Usually dripping with condescending and judgment. It's the how some liberals go about it, not the underlying positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

This. You can be liberal and still also find certain "woke" politics and behavior to be obnoxious.

If the two parties are now MAGA and "woke" then we are really, really screwed.

My god yes. Where are the normal people. I can't stand it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

This. You can be liberal and still also find certain "woke" politics and behavior to be obnoxious.

If the two parties are now MAGA and "woke" then we are really, really screwed.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a "woke" town before that was really a thing and it could be a lot sometimes. I'm liberal, anti -Trump but sometimes I roll my eyes at the extreme people go to. I wouldn't think too much about it without asking her what she means.

Same. Plenty of liberals and anti-Trump people are also sick of the "woke" stuff. Language policing, cancel culture. virtue signaling. Usually dripping with condescending and judgment. It's the how some liberals go about it, not the underlying positions.

Ok…OP here but again, we basically lived in a bland little bubble where I can’t imagine it was more or less “woke” than where she moved back to. That’s why I’m so baffled by her comment.

I guess it might be what others said and a sort of testing of the waters to see how I feel about things. I didn’t reply because I was so startled by the comment and the kids came up to us with some kind of elaborate demand so there wasn’t room to continue the conversation anyway.