Is it normal to get no matches on apps (man)?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| This is not us, this is our son who is 26. He hasn't had much luck with women and only had one previous girlfriend at 22 that lasted for a year. Our son is athletic, has a good job, pretty normal looking. But he recently made a comment to us saying he has nowhere to meet women his age in person and is forced to use dating apps which I guess is normal these days? He said he's been on a few apps and basically can't get a date from them. Is this normal? He is shy and introverted which I think makes it a lot harder for guys like him. |
Anonymous
|
I’m going to zoom out from the app question and say that he has to find a way to interact with and meet people outside of work. Not necessarily to date people, but just to practice talking to people and interacting. I mean it. He is just the right age for a kickball league, a softball league, group tennis lessons, golf clinics, boat shares, whatever is normal for 20-somethings in his city. If you give his location, enough of us have been transient that I bet we could share some really good ideas.
Once he is living his life and being social, then he can return to OLD and work on that. |
Anonymous
| He should get a friend to go over his profiles for him. |
Anonymous
|
I was with a friend last night who is on the apps. She showed us the horrendously horrible pictures that men put up. For some reason, they seem to either be holding a dead fish, in a public bathroom or in their car. And if they are wearing a hat in the pic, it's a give away about hair loss.
So, coach him on the picture and get some young women to opine on his profile. |
Anonymous
|
He's going for women who are too hot for him.
BTDT with my cousin. The truth is he WAS getting matches but they weren't up to his smokin-hot standards. He was basically only open to dating a bombshell. |
Anonymous
|
He needs a friend to go over his profile as well as anything he's been messaging women. Preferably a female friend or a friend who has been in a committed relationship for awhile so will actually give good advice.
I met DH when OLD was just starting to become the norm. A generic profile and generic messages aren't going to get any attention. He will just blend in with the rest. When DH messaged me, he was one of the few who very clearly read my profile and took the time to think about questions based on my profile. He immediately stood out because of that. |
Anonymous
|
Doesn't matter if it's OLD or real life, if he's shy and introverted he's going to struggle.
I've dated shy, introverted men who I genuinely liked but it was always a MASSIVE struggle. They were too afraid to ask me out, couldn't plan a date, couldn't go out for very long because it was too exhausted, conversations were like pulling teeth, etc. I felt bad because they were genuinely great guys, but I don't want to do all the heavy lifting in a relationship. The best thing would be for him to get a coach to help him learn some social skills and get over his shyness. Everything else is just a waste until he does that. |
Anonymous
Yes. |
Anonymous
| Don’t you know anyone to set him up with, mom? |
Anonymous
|
80% of women go after the top 20% of men
There are many more men than women on apps. I am a 47-year-old woman. I am not kidding but I have gone on dates with 25 and 26 year olds in the last year. Just one date each. I am not interested in the age gap. (I am also not looking to remarry. I have literally gone on dates with age 25 to my age. I look younger than my age (everyone says this...it is not in my head). My youngest child is 10, so no, I don't have a kid that age it and it does not feel that way. The shocking thing is that I have had a date with a 26-year-old and other late 20s who are more mature than men in their early 50s. Your son is probably after women who are out of his league. The amount of attention women get is insane. A lot of men don't have the same problem. He needs to try to maximize in person events. See the events on Professionals in the City. There are tons. Also, there are singles meet up groups. He will have more luck there than apps most likely. Apps are hard unless you are in the top 10% to 15% of either gender. |
Anonymous
|
You did not hear about the guy who spent 5 intense years on OLD, swiped over 2 million times, and still never got a single date?
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/dating/man-who-swiped-right-2-35269261.amp |
Anonymous
| Tell him to look up @alittlenudge on insta. Could be his profile, could be his pics, could be his messages. |
Anonymous
Great advice. Instead of "shy and introverted", consider whether he lacks social skills and has social anxiety. He needs to improve his social skills through in-person practice. And maybe get professional help. He also needs to be reaching out to potential matches with something other than "Hi". Something that shows he read her profile and is interested in her specifically and put in the effort (the tiny effort, really) of writing a custom message. Women on apps are deluged with low-quality messages and they don't have time to respond to all of them. If he cannot understand this dynamic, you have a real problem. |
Anonymous
It’s usually this. Some men have very unrealistic standards. |
Anonymous
|
He Can’t get a date or can’t get any matches on the app?
Either way, He sounds like my son - but he’s never had a gf, even tho I think girls are interested in him but he is clueless in picking up the cues. My son is not in apps…. Yet. He has a pretty busy social life with large co-ed group of friends - traveling, eating out, and having mystery parties, game night, and trivia night, etc. But you/he should check out Erica Ettin @alittlenudge on instagram. She’s a former DMV-er who is a no nonsense dating coach that focuses on apps and helps in conversations and responses to turn a match into a date. |