Up to $14,000 a month

[Anonymous]

We're one and a half years into memory care and my mom's level of care just went up two levels due to noticeable decline and the progression of her dementia. Cost of her care is now almost $14k a month. Thankfully she and my dad scrimped and saved their whole lives, but she would be mortified if she was aware of the cost. I thought last year was bad, just under $160k for her memory care and various hospitalizations/rehabs, etc. This year looks like it's going to be worse. We save our kids whole lives for college. Triple that amount for elder care with no way to know how long those needs will last.

It's heartbreaking that she has dementia and her quality of life is so poor. And in order to maintain that poor quality of life she has to burn through a lifetime of savings. I really wish our country had alternative options. I know I could probably find her a cheaper place, but she's ten minutes away from me (so I can visit often) and the care she receives truly is amazing. I am just sad over the whole situation.

[Anonymous]

Can she live with you and have care in your home?

[Anonymous]

I’m so, so sorry OP. That’s awful. How do people even do this? What are the alternatives if you can’t afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're one and a half years into memory care and my mom's level of care just went up two levels due to noticeable decline and the progression of her dementia. Cost of her care is now almost $14k a month. Thankfully she and my dad scrimped and saved their whole lives, but she would be mortified if she was aware of the cost. I thought last year was bad, just under $160k for her memory care and various hospitalizations/rehabs, etc. This year looks like it's going to be worse. We save our kids whole lives for college. Triple that amount for elder care with no way to know how long those needs will last.

It's heartbreaking that she has dementia and her quality of life is so poor. And in order to maintain that poor quality of life she has to burn through a lifetime of savings. I really wish our country had alternative options. I know I could probably find her a cheaper place, but she's ten minutes away from me (so I can visit often) and the care she receives truly is amazing. I am just sad over the whole situation.

OP I am so sorry. This is a sad and all too common tale. Is there social security to help out at all?

I would add that “amazing care” at places like this is hard to come by. That it’s 10 minutes from your house is also an enormous gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you and have care in your home?

No, I looked into that prior to moving her to memory care. I could have converted a room on the main level into a bedroom but my house doesn't have a main level full bath. And the cost of in-home care was actually exponentially higher than memory care. I know I should feel lucky that she was at the lowest care level until now but this stings. The increase is significant.

[Anonymous]

Don't even look into home care. It's over $20k a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so, so sorry OP. That’s awful. How do people even do this? What are the alternatives if you can’t afford it?

Love with you until there is a major fall or something then go to a hospital and refuse to have them come home and they go to a Medicaid facility. I would rather just die. It's not a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you and have care in your home?

Much, much more expensive.

[Anonymous]

14k a month is very average in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're one and a half years into memory care and my mom's level of care just went up two levels due to noticeable decline and the progression of her dementia. Cost of her care is now almost $14k a month. Thankfully she and my dad scrimped and saved their whole lives, but she would be mortified if she was aware of the cost. I thought last year was bad, just under $160k for her memory care and various hospitalizations/rehabs, etc. This year looks like it's going to be worse. We save our kids whole lives for college. Triple that amount for elder care with no way to know how long those needs will last.

It's heartbreaking that she has dementia and her quality of life is so poor. And in order to maintain that poor quality of life she has to burn through a lifetime of savings. I really wish our country had alternative options. I know I could probably find her a cheaper place, but she's ten minutes away from me (so I can visit often) and the care she receives truly is amazing. I am just sad over the whole situation.

If it makes you feel better, you children won't be the only ones not attending college in the soon-to-be-future. I would suggest looking into trade schools/elderly care (obviously!)/farming.

[Anonymous]

My mom has been living with us for 4.5 years now. I was lucky to be able to quit my job to take care of her at home. I am considering placing her at one of the Avalon Homes in Mclean. I went to visit last year. They own a few ramblers, and house about 5-6 residents, mostly Alzheimer patients. My mom would not enjoy/ be able to take advantage the activities offered at bigger centers, so this setting is best for her. Monthly, the cost comes out to be around $7,500 per month with the highest level of care.

Here is their website.

https://www.avalonresidentialliving.com/

[Anonymous]

just wait until they require you to hire a part time aide for your parent in addition to the monthly fee. My dad had great long term care insurance that he paid into for decades and that did cover about 2/3 of the cost of the memory care facility (about same cost as OPs), but then we were stuck with another $20,000 per month for a personal aide or they would have kicked him out and put him into skilled nursing because he was a significant fall risk. (Like he wasn't going to be a fall risk in skilled nursing too?) It was awful. We basically paid someone to watch him all day and tell him to sit down if he tried to stand up so that he could have some social interaction and still go to the memory care activities. And this was in a highly rated facility in NJ. The whole system just sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you and have care in your home?

OP probably isn’t equipped in multiple ways for this.

It’s only money. You can’t take it with you.

[Anonymous]

This thread simply reinforces my desire to die or be able to end my life before I end up in any stage or memory care.

Honestly, what are we doing as a society.

My MIL's sister is in one of these places. No one can visit her without becoming emotionally shaken because it's so depressing.

[Anonymous]

OP it is really sad. It’s a very unlucky draw. Not a lot you can do about it though. Memory care is just really really expensive.