Up to $14,000 a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "people" who care for elderly people at home are nearly always women, and many of this women end up quitting their own jobs and sabotaging their own futures in order to do so. We act like this is natural and like it doesn't harm anyone. This isn't true. it's exhausting, thankless work and many of the arguments about the second shift and women doing twice as much around the house that occurred when there were young children in the home can resurface again when there are elderly people in the home requiring care. Scenarios like a guy who still golfs every Saturday while his wife stays home to look after his elderly mother and father. Women who spend years doing a second shift in their twenties and thirties and then again in their own fifties and sixties. Women who don't go to their own doctor's appointments because they can't find a babysitter for mom, so mom gets medical care while her daughter ends up with some undiagnosed disease until it's too late. It's amazing how often we undervalue women's labor and overlook the sheer amounts of work they do.

I am a man who does all of that and it seems to me like you are undervaluing men since you never once acknowledged that men do this work as well.

DP. They said "nearly always women." That is true. I say this even though my retired father did a lot for his mother-in-law while my mother was still working full time.

If you ask people who work in the industry who are their health contacts are for the elderly person, it's going to be a daughter 8 or 9 times out of 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't even look into home care. It's over $20k a month.

What are you getting for that much?

[Anonymous]

We got up to $12/k month for the last two years of my mom's life (RIP). It's one of the reasons my wife and I talk a lot about when/how we are going to end our lives. It's hard to predict the future, of course, but I expect that I will wish to die years before the medical industry would run out of options.

[Anonymous]

It’s awful. People talk about saving for college or retirement, but no one talks about saving for mental incapacitation and skilled nursing. I’m desperately trying to keep my parent at home, but it means I can only work part time. My hope is that parent dies without needing higher level of care for long duration - there simply isn’t enough money.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP and we've now had to add 24/7 care on top of memory care. Memory care is over $14k a month and 24/7 care is just over $6k a week. Averaging about $10k a week at this point. Hospice is involved and I think we're down to days to weeks but if this sustains longer I'm not sure what we're going to do. We have moved to comfort care but nature still takes its time taking its course. My mom has money but seriously my run out if this is long term. And she would be absolutely devastated and mortified if she had any idea what is happening. But I truly don't see any other options at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't even look into home care. It's over $20k a month.

What are you getting for that much?

A human body to sit there and feed and bathe and call 911 if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and we've now had to add 24/7 care on top of memory care. Memory care is over $14k a month and 24/7 care is just over $6k a week. Averaging about $10k a week at this point. Hospice is involved and I think we're down to days to weeks but if this sustains longer I'm not sure what we're going to do. We have moved to comfort care but nature still takes its time taking its course. My mom has money but seriously my run out if this is long term. And she would be absolutely devastated and mortified if she had any idea what is happening. But I truly don't see any other options at this point.

Tell her to stop eating and drinking. Stop offering it if she doesn't ask.

[Anonymous]

My spouse takes crap care of himself as far as diet or medical care and I keep trying to tell him that diet is important for long term memory health. He thinks he can just die when he starts to slip. I don’t know what he thinks if gojng to happen. I’m gojng to go to jail for killing him? The kids are gojng to deal with it?
I’m really trot to transition to the MIND diet so I can increase the chances of not getting dementia.

[Anonymous]

'm the OP and we've now had to add 24/7 care on top of memory care. Memory care is over $14k a month and 24/7 care is just over $6k a week. Averaging about $10k a week at this point. Hospice is involved and I think we're down to days to weeks but if this sustains longer I'm not sure what we're going to do. We have moved to comfort care but nature still takes its time taking its course. My mom has money but seriously my run out if this is long term. And she would be absolutely devastated and mortified if she had any idea what is happening. But I truly don't see any other options at this point

So sorry you are going through this, OP. My mom is stage 6 so its coming, but for now she is physically ok, just mentally gone.

I hope this is not sounding disrespectful... I am curious about why you added 24/7 care if she is in MC and hospice? Is it fall prevention or? (which might be terrible but it sounds like she is actively dying anyway)...And I ask this full well knowing that when faced with a similar situation I wouldn't necessarily know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s awful. People talk about saving for college or retirement, but no one talks about saving for mental incapacitation and skilled nursing. I’m desperately trying to keep my parent at home, but it means I can only work part time. My hope is that parent dies without needing higher level of care for long duration - there simply isn’t enough money.

People defiantly do talk about saving for LTC and planning for it. Just like college, retirement, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

'm the OP and we've now had to add 24/7 care on top of memory care. Memory care is over $14k a month and 24/7 care is just over $6k a week. Averaging about $10k a week at this point. Hospice is involved and I think we're down to days to weeks but if this sustains longer I'm not sure what we're going to do. We have moved to comfort care but nature still takes its time taking its course. My mom has money but seriously my run out if this is long term. And she would be absolutely devastated and mortified if she had any idea what is happening. But I truly don't see any other options at this point

So sorry you are going through this, OP. My mom is stage 6 so its coming, but for now she is physically ok, just mentally gone.

I hope this is not sounding disrespectful... I am curious about why you added 24/7 care if she is in MC and hospice? Is it fall prevention or? (which might be terrible but it sounds like she is actively dying anyway)...And I ask this full well knowing that when faced with a similar situation I wouldn't necessarily know what to do.

Fall prevention mostly, a dedicated babysitter. She's always (her entire life) been antsy and has never been able to sit still and just relax. Always on the move. Now that she's weak and frail she still tries to be on the move. Night aides are an absolute necessity, she gets up multiple times a night to use the restroom and would fall every time if left to her own devices. Daytime I've toyed with backing her down and only having care 7pm to 11am, allowing the staff caregivers to watch her 11am to 7pm. Problem with that is I think she'd last about five minutes before she tried to get up out of her wheelchair and start trying to walk- and fall. I'm not sure I could handle the guilt of her actually injuring herself when she has the means to pay for care. She really is the worst of every potential, possible dementia symptom. She's added in restlessness and agitation the past two weeks- up and moving all day and night for two days at a time. Exhausting even for the hired caregivers I'm sure. Drugs don't make a difference.

I'm struggling with making these decisions- she has money and, as it's been pointed out and point taken, I guess this is what it's for. Although if this goes on for too long she will actually run out of money, which is just a sad and shocking thought. She would be mortified and devastated if she had the capacity. I'm not really sure if there are any other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are looking into sending our parent out of the country for memory care to Thailand or Latin America. It’s 1/5 of the price. We can’t afford 15,000 a month and the Medicaid beds seem awful.

I’ve also put my parents on the waitlist for nursing home care in their home country.