Up to $14,000 a month

[Anonymous]

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

This is the OP and this is exactly what would happen if she fell. They’d keep her at the facility and make her comfortable with drugs. This last fall that’s what they did and she was out for 20 hours. I asked them to back down on the opiates for now, and she doesn’t seem to have seriously injured herself. She’s definitely dying, she’s just deteriorated so much in the last six weeks. Finding a balance between anxiety drugs, painkillers and nothing is going to be challenging.

I do have a suspicion that if I asked them to UP the opiates they would. Until the end. But I could be wrong.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this, but look into hospice care. Hospice will cease life saving or maintenance meds, cancel interventions like physical therapy.

My father (with Primary Progressive Aphasia) languished in skilled nursing for four long years; my mother insisted that he get PT, get his BP and cholesterol meds, speech therapy, dental care (broke a tooth and took him to the dentist), be wheeled into every single care meeting and social or religious event …all why he was unable to communicate. He coded maybe 6 months in my mom insisted upon full resuscitation - only to come back and my mom decided he was going to live forever.

Once my sibling and I involved hospice and got our mom onboard, he lived maybe 4 months and died rather peacefully. It was merciful - he really suffered (was “locked in”) for almost a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

This is the OP and this is exactly what would happen if she fell. They’d keep her at the facility and make her comfortable with drugs. This last fall that’s what they did and she was out for 20 hours. I asked them to back down on the opiates for now, and she doesn’t seem to have seriously injured herself. She’s definitely dying, she’s just deteriorated so much in the last six weeks. Finding a balance between anxiety drugs, painkillers and nothing is going to be challenging.

I do have a suspicion that if I asked them to UP the opiates they would. Until the end. But I could be wrong.

Having gone through this recently, since your mom is already in hospice I’d stop all prescriptions and really up the anti-anxiety drugs and opiates. It’s so clear when these patient ts are agitated; you can even see it when they’re sleeping. The high level of drugs can make her more comfortable and calm and hopefully hasten things. And at the very end, if she lives in Maryland, I’d recommend she pass away at Casey House, which was a lovely way for my mom to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

This is the OP and this is exactly what would happen if she fell. They’d keep her at the facility and make her comfortable with drugs. This last fall that’s what they did and she was out for 20 hours. I asked them to back down on the opiates for now, and she doesn’t seem to have seriously injured herself. She’s definitely dying, she’s just deteriorated so much in the last six weeks. Finding a balance between anxiety drugs, painkillers and nothing is going to be challenging.

I do have a suspicion that if I asked them to UP the opiates they would. Until the end. But I could be wrong.

Having gone through this recently, since your mom is already in hospice I’d stop all prescriptions and really up the anti-anxiety drugs and opiates. It’s so clear when these patient ts are agitated; you can even see it when they’re sleeping. The high level of drugs can make her more comfortable and calm and hopefully hasten things. And at the very end, if she lives in Maryland, I’d recommend she pass away at Casey House, which was a lovely way for my mom to go.

This is OP. My dad passed away at Casey House and they are just absolute angels.

Through hospice we’ve stopped the unnecessary drugs and the vitamins and have the strong stuff at the ready. She’s still able to somewhat enjoy some things, sort of, so I’m hesitant to allow the heavy hitters at this point unless absolutely necessary. One low dose of dilaudid knocks her out for about 20 hours. I foresee a time in the not so distant future where she’ll be dosed up and sleeping until the end. I’m hoping that will come after the family has had its chance to say goodbye next weekend.

There has to be a better way. Dementia is just the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5-6k a month for 24 hour care?!? How do you pull that off, I’d really like to know. It’s usually at least triple that

[Anonymous]

Find a local provider. There are small homes all across the US providing in-home care at a fraction.

If you’re paying tens of thousands, it’s likely going to a corporation. Not the workers.

We paid $5-6k a month in DMV area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

You need 24/7 care. That is 3 people per day, and different people on weekends. So $15K just for the M-F care, so easy to see how $20-25K/mohth. Also nobody works for those prices. It's hard laborious work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cost of an in home caregiver is $30-$35 an hour. A year of that is $262,800 at the low end. On top of finding a residence suitable for their needs (one level, handicap accessible). Even if you could accomplish pulling an 8 hour shift of that a day, all day every day, (which would be incredibly challenging if working full time) it only reduces that to $175,200 a year.

So even at $14k a month it’s still cheaper.

plus when at home, what happens if someone doesn't show up? You are screwed. That is why a facility is easier, more cost effective and safer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

Does your friend work 24/7?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

They have to treat a "fall". I had 101yo relative break their hip. They had to have it taken care of, as it's painful and you cannot choose to just ignore that legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

I am the very first PP.
Since the lady is bedridden there’s changing and feeding every few hrs; there’s repositioning a few times a day and bathing/change of bedsheets every week I think. The caregiver can leave for a few hrs at a time. No need for anyone to sit with the patient 24/7 since she can’t elope.

The problem with leaving a bedridden patient alone in the home while the caregiver runs errands etc. is that the patient can die a horrible death in a house fire with nobody there to get them to safety.

Down the road from where I live nearly a dozen assisted living residents died in a facility fire because there were only two caregivers on staff overnight and the majority of the residents who had mobility issues could not get themselves out of the facility when it started up in flames. Firefighters saved dozens but they couldn't save them all.

That's the potential price of leaving disabled people unattended. One could argue that death by smoke inhalation isn't all that bad compared to the ravages of dementia decompensating a patient for several years until the sweet release of death finally comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are missing the fact that if there was a legal way to euthanize seniors, you'd have POS kids trying to off their parents prematurely so they can get their inheritance.

Honestly there boomers are planning to drain every cent

Exactly, I don’t have a horse in this race as my parent is poor as a church mouse but I can’t believe how much money is wasted on elder care.

It's not a waste---we don't just kill people off because they are old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

I am the very first PP.
Since the lady is bedridden there’s changing and feeding every few hrs; there’s repositioning a few times a day and bathing/change of bedsheets every week I think. The caregiver can leave for a few hrs at a time. No need for anyone to sit with the patient 24/7 since she can’t elope.

Can we please stop using the word elope? To elope means to run away to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

I am the very first PP.
Since the lady is bedridden there’s changing and feeding every few hrs; there’s repositioning a few times a day and bathing/change of bedsheets every week I think. The caregiver can leave for a few hrs at a time. No need for anyone to sit with the patient 24/7 since she can’t elope.

Can we please stop using the word elope? To elope means to run away to get married.

No, because in the healthcare field elopement means to leave the facility without authorization or notice. It is used primarily in reference to institutionalized dementia patients and also mentally ill or developmentally disabled patients.