What’s going on here?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Three weeks ago, my husband said out loud in front of our children that the reason he and I don’t have any friends is because of me. We do have a couple of shared friends, and we each have our own as well, so I’m not really sure where that came from.
Two weeks ago, during a moment of frustration, I heard him mutter “f&$king worthless” under his breath when I couldn’t find something. Last night, while we were walking after dinner, he called me a weakling for reasons that didn’t really make any sense. We had been walking through this really upscale part of town then made a few turns and the street got pretty congested and loud. I said, “I don’t really want to go this way,” but I didn’t stop—I just made an out-loud observation. I wasn’t carrying anything or doing anything strenuous; we were just walking. I immediately let go of his hand and walked a few steps ahead to catch up with my kids who were ahead of us. I really don’t know what’s going on here and I don’t know where to start even talking to him about this. |
Anonymous
| That’s not ok. He’s being a jerk. Set your boundaries and be firm. Model self respect and self advocating for your kids. They are learning from the two of you. |
Anonymous
|
I mean, you literally say exactly what you said here and ask him what is up. He seems sort of fed up, and you need to figure out whether this is long term or short term.
I remember about a couple of years ago, my husband was a little fed up with me and told my kid that we couldn’t go to a garden center she was interested in “because mommy hates plants.” It was so ridiculous that we all three still make fun of it from time to time. But we are overall happily married. But at that moment, he was just super annoyed with me over a few things. |
Anonymous
|
Name calling and in front of your kids is inappropriate. Have a convo with your husband on that.. |
Anonymous
| Hes cheating on you and needs to make you the bad guy in his mind. |
Anonymous
|
I would talk with him and state your observations as you did so well with us, and just ask, "Is there something bothering you?" If he says there isn't, then I would let him know that is not the way you want to be treated or spoken to/about especially in front of your children.
It sounds like there is, but it's not your job to beg him for that information if he chooses to be passive aggressive rather than communicative. He does need to know that you are drawing a line in how you will be treated, and that he has crossed it. |
Anonymous
+1 Tale as old as time … |
Anonymous
I didn’t want to cloud my first post with this information but I suppose it is really important. He had a year and a half long emotional affair, it was all online but they would tell each other I love you. That ended and things have been improving but there’s still something really wrong here. |
Anonymous
|
My DH had a lot of problems before we married, but he likes to believe that anything bad about his life is because of me. As we've gone through the years together, I've realized that he has a huge and fragile ego and really struggles with acknowledging his own shortcomings and failures in life. When he does let himself feel them, he falls into depression, which turns into lashing out at others. When he doesn't let himself feel them, he looks around for others to blame for the way he feels and skips the depression phase.
When he was growing up, his parents/sibling were to blame for anything that was wrong. Through college and grad school, it was professors or teammates. Now it's bosses or me. His current boss is great so I'm the last woman standing. This all goes way back to his childhood and it would take a LOT of therapy that he's not willing to do in order for him to start to realistically address it. It sounds like your DH might be in the same boat. |
Anonymous
You have your answer. Maybe he’s cheating again. |
Anonymous
|
Can you call him on it in a polite, calm way… like “I just heard you say I’m F-ing worthless. What do you mean specifically by that? Can we talk about that more?” Just to let him realize what he’s saying. Sometimes people say things that are outrageous and when they’re repeated back to them, they fully realize it.
Regarding the emotional affair, does he want to be with you? Is he willing to put in the work? |
Anonymous
He says he does but he runs super hot and cold. Very affectionate for a few days then nothing. Flirty and charming for a few days then angry and blowing up at minor inconveniences. I still have questions about the affair but he’d rather just sweep it all under the rug and move on. I’ve been reading a lot and he seems to do DARVO, every time I bring something up to him I wind up apologizing for something I did in the past, he’s a lawyer and really good at spinning things. |
Anonymous
Dear lord, just get a divorce. Don’t throw away more years on this dud. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately this was my first thought, too. If not cheating, definitely there is someone else on his mind. |
Anonymous
|
Ok I read and saw the affair. This is 100 percent about that.
OP, read about "the 180" and implement it. |