I think I want to quit working

[Anonymous]

I have three kids: 10, 8, and 2, and my DH and I both WFH full-time. I just passed the threshold into six figure territory and would only expect to make more as time goes on. We save a decent amount but have considerable debt - mostly student loans - and need to save significantly more for college. Retirement/investment portfolio is okay.

All that said, we could easily live on my DHs salary and I can of course see how things would be much easier/better for everyone if I didn’t work. I feel extremely disillusioned by the work world and particularly with how I’ve been treated - please don’t tell me how great your working experience has been, that’s just not been my experience - I am good at working and thought I wanted to be an executive, but I’m just kind of disgusted by the whole thing.

Anyway, I’m considering leaving the workforce and over time building up some kind of enterprise independently, but on my terms as an owner. Is this totally dumb? Anything I should consider outside of the obvious reduction in HHI? I would plan on a post-nuptial agreement to include deposits into my retirement account, and DH and I agree on finances overall so I don’t see this as a huge risk.

[Anonymous]

You left out the most important thing here, which is whether your husband is on the same page as you or whether this is some kind of unilateral decision you are making.

FWIW if you were my spouse, I would not support this. I would expect you to suck it up. Why take a 6-figure hit to our income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You left out the most important thing here, which is whether your husband is on the same page as you or whether this is some kind of unilateral decision you are making.

FWIW if you were my spouse, I would not support this. I would expect you to suck it up. Why take a 6-figure hit to our income?

DH is on board with whatever I want to do. It’s up to me.

[Anonymous]

You did not say how much you husband makes and agree with the other poster, how does your husband feel about this short term and long term? 100k salary is not much now a days but that is a huge yearly hit. You have young children now but their expenses rise as they get older. I suggest you try a different work field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You left out the most important thing here, which is whether your husband is on the same page as you or whether this is some kind of unilateral decision you are making.

FWIW if you were my spouse, I would not support this. I would expect you to suck it up. Why take a 6-figure hit to our income?

DH is on board with whatever I want to do. It’s up to me.

Are you sure?

Why are you asking us?

I can tell you the grass may seem greener but it isn’t necessarily. And you ARE taking on risk (so is he) if the amount of stress this puts on your relationship eventually causes divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did not say how much you husband makes and agree with the other poster, how does your husband feel about this short term and long term? 100k salary is not much now a days but that is a huge yearly hit. You have young children now but their expenses rise as they get older. I suggest you try a different work field.

DH makes $220 and we live in flyover country. I think you might be right about industry - I’m in healthcare and hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You left out the most important thing here, which is whether your husband is on the same page as you or whether this is some kind of unilateral decision you are making.

FWIW if you were my spouse, I would not support this. I would expect you to suck it up. Why take a 6-figure hit to our income?

DH is on board with whatever I want to do. It’s up to me.

Are you sure?

Why are you asking us?

I can tell you the grass may seem greener but it isn’t necessarily. And you ARE taking on risk (so is he) if the amount of stress this puts on your relationship eventually causes divorce.

I am sure that he is open to either option, but deep down he probably would prefer I didn’t quit working. I have thought about added stress for him if he were to become the sole breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You left out the most important thing here, which is whether your husband is on the same page as you or whether this is some kind of unilateral decision you are making.

FWIW if you were my spouse, I would not support this. I would expect you to suck it up. Why take a 6-figure hit to our income?

+1 you have college loans.

If you wanted to be able to quit once you had kids, you shouldn't have taken out loans. Sure, that's in hindsight, but you made the choice to take out loans.

FWIW, I am completely disillusioned with corporate America, but went back to work after the kids were born because I wanted to be able to save for retirement and college. I did take a total of 2 years off with two kids, but I also saved a lot before I did it.

I was fortunate to be able to get back into the workforce earning six figures due to my network and being a top performer, but it has still mommy tracked me, which I am ok with since I hate the corporate world.

I will be retiring in two years, at 57. Youngest will be off to college, with a fully funded 529 for in state.

If it's just about being disillusioned at work, you just have to suck it up. If it's because you are stressed out with childcare/housechores, hire help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not say how much you husband makes and agree with the other poster, how does your husband feel about this short term and long term? 100k salary is not much now a days but that is a huge yearly hit. You have young children now but their expenses rise as they get older. I suggest you try a different work field.

DH makes $220 and we live in flyover country. I think you might be right about industry - I’m in healthcare and hate it.

220k and supporting a wife and three kids? Absolutely no way. What exactly do you think you would be doing all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You left out the most important thing here, which is whether your husband is on the same page as you or whether this is some kind of unilateral decision you are making.

FWIW if you were my spouse, I would not support this. I would expect you to suck it up. Why take a 6-figure hit to our income?

+1 you have college loans.

If you wanted to be able to quit once you had kids, you shouldn't have taken out loans. Sure, that's in hindsight, but you made the choice to take out loans.

FWIW, I am completely disillusioned with corporate America, but went back to work after the kids were born because I wanted to be able to save for retirement and college. I did take a total of 2 years off with two kids, but I also saved a lot before I did it.

I was fortunate to be able to get back into the workforce earning six figures due to my network and being a top performer, but it has still mommy tracked me, which I am ok with since I hate the corporate world.

I will be retiring in two years, at 57. Youngest will be off to college, with a fully funded 529 for in state.

If it's just about being disillusioned at work, you just have to suck it up. If it's because you are stressed out with childcare/housechores, hire help.

How do you suck it up? This sounds ridiculous but I feel physically ill when I think about work. I do a good job and don’t have any problems, I just hate it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what you do in healthcare but I had a friend who was in healthcare and hated it. She decided to become a school nurse. She feel in love with it. Summers off, not too busy at school. Same hours as kids schools. She also came into it making 6 figures. Not saying you should do that but saying maybe a change is needed and not full blown quitting. You have to look at options and not just go from 100 working to 0. Part time, change of company, complete job change, etc. be rational

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not say how much you husband makes and agree with the other poster, how does your husband feel about this short term and long term? 100k salary is not much now a days but that is a huge yearly hit. You have young children now but their expenses rise as they get older. I suggest you try a different work field.

DH makes $220 and we live in flyover country. I think you might be right about industry - I’m in healthcare and hate it.

In flyover country, I’d quit. Life is too short. But make sure any credit cards and cars are paid off first. And be sure you continue to save for retirement in your name.

[Anonymous]

I would not quit working while I have debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not say how much you husband makes and agree with the other poster, how does your husband feel about this short term and long term? 100k salary is not much now a days but that is a huge yearly hit. You have young children now but their expenses rise as they get older. I suggest you try a different work field.

DH makes $220 and we live in flyover country. I think you might be right about industry - I’m in healthcare and hate it.

220k and supporting a wife and three kids? Absolutely no way. What exactly do you think you would be doing all day?

Ahem. She’d be doing what we all do — posting on DCUM and telling other people they’re doing life wrong. Except she’d be doing it from her house instead of an office building.

[Anonymous]

I’m envious of women who can just quit and not worry about the consequences.

Both DH and I work, but I earn more than double his salary. We no longer have student debt and our mortgage will be paid off in just under 10 years. We saved enough for college for our oldest and have nearly enough for our second; we still need to sock away money for our third’s tuition.

I would never leave the workforce and saddle my kids with student loans.

Even if we had all the tuition covered, my salary covers our travel (which is basically a big part of my joy and our family’s happiness). We prioritize regular travel.

I want to leverage my salary to cover my retirement and any care I might need. I don’t want to be a burden to my kids.

And while I doubt I’ll get a divorce, every woman should be financially equipped to navigate losing her spouse.

Have you considered all of that, op?

Not to be morose, but I know a lot of ladies whose husbands died far too young. One was well equipped to handle it, but all the others really struggled financially.