Grounds for divorce?

[Anonymous]

This is mostly a vent, but:

I’ve been slowly replacing non-native with native plants in my yard. I recently (this past spring) planted about 50 plugs of various natives in new and established beds around my house. Yesterday, I discovered that my husband weed whacked ALL of my cardinal flower plants!
1.) I told him where I had planted them, pointed them out to him/made him put eyes on them after they were planted.
2.) they were planted in an established bed
3.) it seemed pretty obvious they were purposely put there because they were in a group of three.

He was very apologetic, forgot they were there and thought they were weeds, etc. I’m so angry and upset. This is not the first time he’s done something similar. He also weed whacked my row of young sunflowers.

He has promised to replace them, but of course who do you think has to direct him to the correct plant and place to buy them? And how long do you think it will take for this to happen? Unlikely to be this year. Ugh.

He’s otherwise pretty great, but things like this makes me just want to pack up and move to a cabin in the woods with my dog so I can plant my things and no one will ruin the work I’ve done.

[Anonymous]

First, get that weed whacker and donate it or throw it today. He is not allowed to have one. Second, he must pay for new replacements and plant them himself. Asap.
Third, consider a lawn service since he can’t be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Have him coordinate the replacement of your plants... and possibly your move and divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, get that weed whacker and donate it or throw it today. He is not allowed to have one. Second, he must pay for new replacements and plant them himself. Asap.
Third, consider a lawn service since he can’t be trusted.

100%

[Anonymous]

Hire a yard service and show them the plants that should not be touched. No more weed whacking for your husband. This is a hill I would die on. Put a chicken wire fence around your plantings.
I would be furious too, with a pattern of thoughtless behavior. An apology after the fact doesn’t mean much when it keeps repeating. You might want to try some counseling before this festers any longer.

[Anonymous]

The cost of the divorce will eat into your garden budget pretty significantly.

[Anonymous]

eh, you care too much about plants

[Anonymous]

I hate gardening so I'm trying to imagine a scenario that would resonate with me. You said he was really sorry and he apologized. You also said you would be responsible for most of the work involved in fixing the situation, but as someone who doesn't garden I don't know how I'd fix it for you other than hiring someone to do it - would you be amenable to that?

You said he's done something like this before - do you mean the one time he did it to the sunflowers? Or do you have other examples? Two times separated by months or years really could be a mistake. Multiple times or other instances of him disrespecting you and your things is obviously a pattern.

I commented on the "shut the f up" thread that I wouldn't tolerate that behavior and I thought that OP should drop that boyfriend like a hot coal, so I'm not some sort of male apologist or anything, I'm just trying to understand if this was truly a mistake or something he's doing on purpose.

If I, for example, accidentally drove over my husband's golf clubs with my car, I wouldn't know what to do to replace them because I don't know anything about golf. I would apologize and offer to take them to a store to find replacements or I'd say if he wanted to do so because he wanted to pick them out he could. I would feel terrible and I'd want to do whatever I could to make it up to him but I also know I might not be able make it all better without the knowledge I'd need about the clubs. And what if the ones I broke were older ones and he didn't want those exact same ones replaced? Or what if they were custom clubs so I couldn't replace them exactly on my own? With respect to your flowers, what if it's not the right time of year now to replant the exact same flowers so you would need to find other replacements?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should divorce. Sounds terrible.

[Anonymous]

You said “things like this.” I have no idea whether this means he only destroyed your plants twice or he is routinely thoughtlessly destroying things that are important you. The distinction matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate gardening so I'm trying to imagine a scenario that would resonate with me. You said he was really sorry and he apologized. You also said you would be responsible for most of the work involved in fixing the situation, but as someone who doesn't garden I don't know how I'd fix it for you other than hiring someone to do it - would you be amenable to that?

You said he's done something like this before - do you mean the one time he did it to the sunflowers? Or do you have other examples? Two times separated by months or years really could be a mistake. Multiple times or other instances of him disrespecting you and your things is obviously a pattern.

I commented on the "shut the f up" thread that I wouldn't tolerate that behavior and I thought that OP should drop that boyfriend like a hot coal, so I'm not some sort of male apologist or anything, I'm just trying to understand if this was truly a mistake or something he's doing on purpose.

If I, for example, accidentally drove over my husband's golf clubs with my car, I wouldn't know what to do to replace them because I don't know anything about golf. I would apologize and offer to take them to a store to find replacements or I'd say if he wanted to do so because he wanted to pick them out he could. I would feel terrible and I'd want to do whatever I could to make it up to him but I also know I might not be able make it all better without the knowledge I'd need about the clubs. And what if the ones I broke were older ones and he didn't want those exact same ones replaced? Or what if they were custom clubs so I couldn't replace them exactly on my own? With respect to your flowers, what if it's not the right time of year now to replant the exact same flowers so you would need to find other replacements?

This is good advice. I also think there might be something off with your husband if he is otherwise a kind person. No one who is looking and has their senses turned on runs over blooming sunflowers.

[Anonymous]

yes, set him free of your craziness.

[Anonymous]

Cracker cheese apple.
Not cheese apple cracker

[Anonymous]

You could take over the outside lawn maintenance at your house. Or hire someone. It's cheaper than divorce.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, water them in this high heat and see if they grow back. Depending on how long ago you planted them (March vs late May) getting whacked in high heat may not be the worst thing. As long as their roots weren’t disturbed!!